me


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Party face.
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Vin and I singing along.
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Please, like I need an excuse to smooch this handsome boy.
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Me licking Candy's eye.
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Then copping a quick feel on the Choi titty tip.
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Making him sing with his pants down after being tricked into thinking he was about to get a lapdance? Thumbs down!
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I met up with Leigh (seen here making her fierce "smells like catshit" face).
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Westside!
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Then afterwards, I bid farewell to everyone and went to meet (the newly blonde) Vinay at nearby Cherry Tavern.
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Hahahah. What's up, we look eight.
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After the grilling was done, we hit Ave A to wash down our burgers with some cones.
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I made the mistake of falling asleep and got royally brained by Grant (who gets extra points for braining me while also "showing stem." Steep.)
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Hey ladies, do you like our manly cut-off jean short legs?
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That's right, turns out Fatty had graciously decided to bring me a matching pair out cut-off jean shorts.
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Hoooooooo!
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...CAR RADIO DANCE PARTY! We put on Hot 97 and freaked to the beat of today's phreshest jams, yo.
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Here's Siege (aka - Clayton James Cubitt) the Grizza and me in our rental car leaving the city.
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Me flustered for making an idiotic driving mistake.
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Based on our inability to find the dirt in Poughkeepsie, the column was killed. But hey, milkshakes, right?
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There were also some really amazing pictures of Siege and I sneakily posing next to all sorts of angst-ridden crazily dressed teens, but one of Siege's hard drives failed and those pics are now lost forever! Boo!
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Siege reviewing the night's less-than-spectacular results while I try to make Blue Steel faces.
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See? All part of that "master plan" I've been talking about.
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The best thing about writing the piece was it meant I got to take Leigh aside and ask her dirty questions about sex for two hours.
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Leigh came out from behind the decks to show Karen and I the secret message on her stomach.
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No use crying over spilled beer. Especially when it can be fixed with a smooch.
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Vin and I also saw a guy whose ass was...
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Fatty half-heartedly rocked out in the backseat...
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Fatty and I were tired so we stopped at a bodega for some weird, bullet shaped energy drinks. There were only two can left...
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On Thursday night I went over to Bar13 to say hi to Sarah who was DJing.
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Herman the Karaoke Cowboy Jew was there - and he knows a good thing when he sees it.
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Let's end the month on a more wholesome not, shall we? Bubble gum again! Happy May! Woo!
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Me and Ellen.
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Later that night I met up with Leigh and I traded her my Ray Charles for her Jackie Os.
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Lorelei, Bibs and me.
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Me pulling my most successful "get a load of this fuggin' guy" face with on an unsuspecting Travis.
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Me, Audrey and her friend.
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Amber and my magical disappearing chin.
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Me leaning back to capture Jayme Waxman's awesome, and totally non-ironic Skid Row t-shirt.
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Grant, Jamie Kirkpatrick and me.
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Me and Sar. The best thing about sitting next to people who keep kosher is...
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Hahahaha
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Some weird boy was hitting on Julia and despite her best efforts to get him to go away, he just kept at at. So when she looked over at me and gave me the "come help me!" look, I went over and in the middle of him talking to her starting giving her a dirty, dirty lapdance. Audrey had my cam and managed to capture my "I'm sure a bad girl!" face.
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Despite probably being the oldest people there by, say, oh, I don't know...eight years, we still managed to outlast all those little fuckers.
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Saturday night I met up with Vin and Mandy and after hanging out in Lit's sketch basement, we decided to head over and check out Misshapes.
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And there were no girls anywhere in sight. We killed our free Rolling Rocks and promptly got the fuck out of there.
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"Yeah, Candy. Her, right there. She's the one I'm taking home. Mark my words."
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Now for something a little more wholesome, it's a bubble contest! Here's mine!
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Any time you end up wearing a silver sparkly bandana, it's usually a safe bet to say you've had an interesting evening. And hey, the month's only half over. Click here for Part Two.
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After leaving Sin Sin I was still wide awake (dance parties will do that to you) so I decided to stop in and check out the late night scene at Happy Ending on my way home. As soon as I got downstairs I ran into Counter and Susan. My hair was so sweaty from the dance party that Counter asked me if it was raining outside. Hahaha. Ew.
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"Hey, don't sweat it.She didn't give me one of those on my birthday either."
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Speaking of fucking great, I ran into Natascha and Karen Marsala in the crowd!
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Hahahahah. Holy fuck. Who knew Justin Timberlake had a brother with Down's Syndrome?
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Actually, looking at this photo I'm going to have to take away Dennis' bonus points and award them to Vin.
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After Colin's party, I hopped on the nearby L train and headed to Williamsburg to meet up with Vin and check out a party Leah was having at her loft.
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Eva and me. Her hair is redder than my shirt.
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Me screaming because I managed to get a picture of Aya's friend Fyuko who hates being photographed. Gotcha!
vin's 28th birthday
April 24, 2004
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Amber, Tha Ladies' Choice and me.
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Me (looking like, ummm, a cobra) and Bonnie.
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...this fucking amazing picture. Hahaha. Look at Fatty's eyebrows!
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Is there anything in the world better than a photo where Fatty's giving the cocked, disco eyebrow?
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Yay, party!
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Amber caught me singing along.
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And we ran into Amber!
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A few minutes later he saw me carousing with these ladies and offered to take some pictures of us. He said this one was nice, but he wanted something...dirtier.
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How's this? (Check out Amber totally doing the sneaky reach-around boobie grab). Hey Amber....
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After the SPIN party, I walked over to C-Tav (that's Cherry Tavern to the rest of you) to meet up with my man Vin and hoist a few Tiajauan Specials (A can of Tecate and shot of bad bar tequilla for $4!) PS - Rarely do I point it out, but I'm really good at taking pictures where you totally can't tell that I took it. Let's hear it for my freakishly long arms!)
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I don't even think I made it up to sing. Oh wait...who cares!
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Carol bites my titty while an unknown ginger (by the way, that word is pronounced so that it rhymes with "ringer") gives me the sneaky devil horns.
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Speaking of pimping, this lady was walking around the party and people kept coming up to her and kissing her ass. After watching her run shit for like 20 minutes, I finally couldn't take the expense. I walked up to her and told her that I loved her outfit and asked if I could take a pic. She was like "But of course!" Afterwards, I was like, I hope this doesn't offend you, but who are you? She was like "Not at all, darling. I am Zelda. I'm a fashion designer." Does anyone out there know who this lady is? Or did someone's grandma get into some extra fabric and use it to escape a nearby nursing home?
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On the walk back downtown I ran into Amanda who was on her way to some movie premeire afterparty that our mutual friend Sarah was DJing at.
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(A Camel-faced looking) Me and Geordan.
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Lesbians are as magical as unicorns because if you're a straight boy you're totally allowed to play with their titties and it's A-OK.
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Me, Amber and the Vin.
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Should I even bother pretending that there's a narrative in here somewhere anymore?
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Hey, it's this guy! I remember he came up and said hi and for some reason that merited a photo, but I've since totally forgotten why.
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And look, another bizarro me! Er, bizarra me?
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Me and Lauren Flax (who you may remember as the girl responsible for introducing me to the much beloved Tara)
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We ran into Julia Li (Vin's ex-girlfriend from waaaaaaaay back in the day).
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After we got back to NYC and returned the rental car, I went home to take a nap (to sleep off the four straight hours of eating I'd done at the bat mitzvah). Later that night, I walked two blocks to M Bar to meet up with Bev Chase and her friend Jessica (who also went to our high school but was a few years younger and I didn't know her).
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Then Vin and Liza showed up! Woo!
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Here's the Grizza and I all gussied up headed out to Strong Island in our rental car.
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Phone cam pic (capturing an absolutely amazing expression on Liam's face).
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Me and Carol.
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Get a load of this one.
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The lovely mohawked Daisy was the main chica promoting the gig and she made me look pimp by helping us cut the line and getting right on stage. Awww yeah, thanks mammacita!
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...yep, that's right. It leads right to public boobie cupping.
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Me with no chin.
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When I was leaving Arelene's, Rina (who'd I'd met at the Stellastarr show a few weeks back) randomly called me and asked what I was up to. It turned out we were a few blocks from each other so we met up. When I told her that I'd just been at karaoke, she was like "Let's go sing karaoke!" And so we left Arlene's and went over to the karoake at Crash Mansion (that name is so gay I clench my ass every time I say it).
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Who needs a napkin?
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And a bald guy!
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On Monday night I was walking home through the LES and remembered that Heavy Metal Karaoke was going on at Arlene's Grocery. I got there way to late to sing, but I watched a few people sing and ended up running into Matty - Tara's good friend who'd recently moved to NYC via Boston. We took this picture to send to Tara, but uh, I don't think I ever did. So hey Tara, check it out, I ran into Matty.
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I was trying to show him that my phone was also a camera.
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Hey, after fighting the crowds we needed nourishment.
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Right as I was getting ready to call it a night, Vin called me to inform me that he was in the neighborhood and convinced me to go out with him.
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Me, Andy and Sarah.
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I have absolutely no recollection of where Vin and I went (and I don't recognize the place in the background) but apparently it was somewhere where in ran into sexy-ass Karen Marsala. I'm usually pretty good about remembering everything that happened on a certain night - maybe I should stop waiting more than seven months before I try to caption these, eh?
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...and we all went over to HiFi for the band's afterparty (Leah used to live out in Seattle and knows the guys in the band)
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...and then she grabbed her boobs.
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On Wednesday afternoon, Leah, who I'd met while out in Texas for SXSW, emailed me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to be her plus one for the Death Cab for Cutie show at Irving Plaza. I teased her about how when I'd first met her she walked into a tree...