a person in 802 photos in 2004

me

296 1897 3398 799 3600 7201 30202 70303 80204 39505 38206 36807 29608 37409 28610 21011 12712 15013 9214 17315 17716 20317 10318

showing 2004 only · show all years

appears with…

Later that night, I went over to Sarah and Niki's and we got dressed to attend a P.Diddy-in-the-Hamptons inspired "White Party" in Brooklyn. Sometimes a true playa's gotta roll with both dark and light meat, ya heard?

...this. So you were right, Siege. I guess I am a size one. (PS - Hey Leigh, is there a PONY on my dress?). Afterwards, we ended up betting that I wouldn't run down Broadway buck naked for two blocks. We got down to street level and as we walked outside there were two police cruisers on the corner just hanging out. Saved by the NYPD.

About halfway through the twelve-pack, Meredith and Emily both called up and decided to join us. Here's me wearing her lil' green Harry Potter glasses.

Meredith and me.

Yay, pride!

Despite only getting a few hours of sleep, we managed to pick up the van and be heading beachward before noon. Here's me, Meredith, Grant, Rachel and David and Miye in the back! Rented van, wooooooo!

June 27th is Gay Pride Day! David borrowed Miye's beach hat to show a little solidarity.

Once we hit the beach, it was portrait time!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAREN! (Oh, and sorry about the whole "Now you'll never get to be president" thing.)

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the bar, Karen and I found found Brother Lawrence making out with Bridgette! Uh-oh! Right around this time, I asked Karen if she wanted to take "a birthday photo with my balls" (because, as you may have surmised by reading this site, I'm just that kind of guy). Not only did Karen accept, she raised the ante and agreed to take what is probably the steepest ball photo on my site...

Hoo-ah!

Me getting ready to put my boobies on Sarah.

Crazy Amber in the house! Wooo!

Me and Lawrence.

....THIS! Ten minutes of Photoshop magic later, I'd successfully hidden Sarah's identity with a strategically placed "extra can" of Sparks in Karen's hand. Hahahah. While impressed with my skizzills (I mean, you have to admit, it is pretty good), she told me she'd still prefer to run the other one.

...Karen's 23rd birthday! Wooo! I brought her a six-pack of Sparks to help instigate some birthday trouble (more on that later...hehehe). The day after the party, I took all my pics and posted them into a "sneak peek" gallery for Karen (because she assumed, correctly I might add, that it would be "like six months" before I finally got around to posting them here).

Anyway, somehow a photo editor at Rolling Stone saw this pic and wanted to use it for a blurb about Sparks in an upcoming "What's Hot" issue. I was stoked. A day later, she realized that Sarah is an editor at Spin and apparently didn't want to prominently feature and editor from a competitive magazine doing something "hot." She went back through my pics and found another photo of people drinking Sparks that Sarah wasn't in and asked if she could use that instead. "Well, Sarah's not in that photo, but the problem is: I'm not either." (And hey, I wanted to be doing something "hot" in Rolling Stone, ok?) So I asked her, "What if I can figure out a way to hide Sarah?" She was like "I don't even know what you're talking about." That is, until I sent her...

...all hot and bothered.

The reason we sat near him, is because I knew it would get the girls...

Me, Jen, Rebecca and Sarah Wilson.

Here's me giving Sarah a hug for inviting me to what was one of the best private shows I've ever seen (and probably marked the last time the Killers played a venue that holds less that 300 people).

Me and Tins. (Notice the crepe paper wound around the basement's water main. No prom details were skipped!)

Me and Kusum again (this time with 35% more chin!) and Adam in the background.

Me and Karen.

Me and Rebecca.

Kusum posing with my famous disappearing chin (that shit's like magic, ain't it?).

Me and Lawrence (Sarah's brother of Brother Lawrence fame). And yes, I am wearing the same ghetto-ass bow-tie-drawn-on-with-marker shirt I made for the MisShapes Prom that was a few days prior.

There was a prom "backdrop" where you could get your Polaroid picture taken with your date.

Er, dates. (Sorry, Niki). Actually, as much as I'd like to pretend I was the prom queen's man, she was really there with Mark (the tall guy from the Killers). I just managed to steal a kiss.

And I invited Brian and Alysha (who I know from Modem Media waaaaay back in the day).

Gloria, how's it gonna go down? Will you meet him on the main line? Or catch him on the rebound?

I ended up flying into San Jose and staying near the airport there (neither Philip or I had any sense of the geography out here and at the time, this seemed to make sense) I checked into my room at the Hyatt (where my comments are appreciated) and got on the phone trying to find something to eat. Even though it was only 11pm, there was NOTHING open in the vicinity. My only choice was...

Bonus points to Beth for managing to lick my neck and not even have me notice when I was taking this picture.

Turns out I had to let him kiss me (but hey he didn't saying anything about me having to kiss him back! Yay, loopholes). So I stood totally frozen with my mouth (and eyes, apparently) wide-open while he frenched me. Hahaha. I look shell-shocked.

I'm shocked ladies. Really. Just shocked.

I didn't have a real bowtie (or a real dress shirt, if we're being honest) so I went with an old prom stand-by and just drew a bow tie on a t-shirt with marker. From a few feet away, it almost looked real!

Me and Sarah.

Amber (this time just looking like hot-ass normal self) and me.

See? (Well, ok - I said almost).

Not as scandalous as my fucking "got kicked in the neck" hickey, though. Grody. A litte after four, we hopped a cab and called it a night. I ended up losing one of my cameras on the taxi ride home (it fell out of my pants pocket). I figured it gone forever and went out and bought a new one the next day. A few weeks later, I got a call from a guy - his son had found my camera near the curb by their apartment and when he opened it up, found my cell number written on the memory card inside! I gave the kid $40 bucks for finding it and then gave it to Grant (since I'd already bought a new one).

Geordon (looking like a fucking SmoothTwinks centerfold) and me.

See?

Afterwards I ate three hot dogs to replace all the precious nitrates that were shaken out of my body by the Viper.

My player status was being questioned until I dropped my shades and coldlamped a bit. Boo-yah. Player status confirmed.

And me? I went for a good ol' fashioned...

I now it's got a shitty name, but if you ever see one of these machines, sit the fuck down and check it out. God bless you, Wootsie, you saved the day.

Here's a picture of us pretending we're not scared shitless.

So instead we decided to check out the Sponge Bob Square Pants 3-D Action Movie Adventure. (Hey pal, fuck you. The theater was air conditioned, ok?)

After the movie it was back out into the brutal 100°F heat. Ugh.

We were screaming with joy until we stepped out of the AC-cooled car and got punched in the face by the heat.

Yay, heatwave!

Sometimes my late night photos look like Twister.

Me and Matt Lesser (the Hairdresser). Aka - Sid from Sid and Buddy's Karaoke Superparty.

Me and Ryan.

Saturday started out in the basement of the Delancey where I randomly ran into Sarah, Karen and Nick!

Me going for the boobie grab and missing completely.

Uh, I don't think that's very Smurfy.

Brian Smurf.

The late ngiht crowd there was kind of weird, so I ended up hanging out in the little DJ booth with Sar, Nikki (the F.B.O.V.) and Leigh.

I wish you never had to go, June.

So. Fucking. Tough.

Hey, it's Mark Wholey!

I rocked out so hard I broke the fucking mic stand.

Hey, it's Jim! This (fugging) guy and a few of his friends were in town from all over the place (Toronto, Boston and London if I remember correctly). He read about the show on my site and they all decided to swing by and check the band out! So rad!

JimmyK with Mr & Mrs Battjer.

Amy White and me.

After dessert, Bev taught me how to fold my cloth napkin into a rabbit hand puppet! Look out high society, here we come!

Emily and me.

Rimriffic!

Making the rounds late that night I ran into Lauren and we got to talking about how much we both loved...

Me and Tins.

Even a broken arm wasn't going to get in the way of giving NYC on a Monday the thumbs up. Shortly after 4am, the boys returned to Queens with smiles.

Remember how Fatty and I played frisbee in the park on Sunday? Well, we ended up befriending two Italians that were visiting from Milan. They'd been in town for a few weeks, but were staying in Astoria and told us that they'd been disappointed with the NYC nightlife they'd seen. I gave them my cell number and assured them I'd take them out and show them a good time. So on Monday night we met up and I took them on the rounds. We started off with a few drinks at the Fish.

I must've gotten into a fight or something late on Sunday night...imagine my dismay when I woke up Monday morning and realized that I'd been punched right in the neck. Really badly.

Vin and (squinty) me.

There was something really sad about the fact that Vince Neil's big comeback show was sponsored by Endurance RX. The "Daily Sex Performance Booster" for men that's devilvered in a tasty chocolate chew. (Which according to their website "Makes muscle contractions more forceful by promoting release from the nerve at the neuromuscular junction." Ew.) This picture was taken around 10:30 and Vince still hadn't even arrived at the venue. We went and spoke to the organizers and they told us he was running a few hours late. Hours? They told us to try coming back a little after midnight. So to kill time we went to a nearby dinner and had coffee and pie and ice cream.

We were standing at the top of the backstage stairs next to a bunch of magazine photographers. Everytime someone would come up the stairs, they'd all go crazy and take a million pictures. We didn't recognize any of the "celebrities" they kept freaking out about so Sarah and I decided we were going to try to see if we could trick the paparazzi into thinking I was someone "picture worthy." I gave her my fancy-looking camera, went across the venue and went downstairs using a different set of stairs, then came back across and came up the "photo opp" steps. When I got to the top, Sarah screamed my name and started snapping pictures of my like crazy while I made "Hollywood faces" like the one you see above. Needless to say, none of the other photographers even budged.

After brunch we went back to Karen's apartment to watch the entire first season of The Office. Oh, and to play with a Karen's wigs.

We tried a few different camera techiniques but failed to duplicate the "golden coronosphere" lighting effect around the edges of the wig.

Hahahah. Who?

J.Lo's on NUMBER THREE but there's only one gal for me. (Awwwww.)

But it's ok, I just ended up playing it off like all I really wanted was an Alice Cooperesque cane to point at people with.

Somewhere on Thursday night I ran into the Julia and Nina. Julia had to get up for work and couldn't stay out late but I managed to drag Nina over to...

Me and Nichelle's red beret (which is still in Lindsay's room BTW). Happy Memorial Day!

Do you know how hard it is to make a serious "I'm pretending to be in ecstasy" when someone's hysterically laughing into your crotch?

Hahahaha.

I wasn't about to let Sarah and Cat be the only ones to receive sweet, sweet mime-head. I quickly buddied up with Karen (Look at Tinny's face...heheh)

I have no idea why I'm licking this hula hoop.

On our way over to Sarah's with flowers for the hostess. Leigh used to live right by Sarah's apartment, and wanted to show me what she called some "very special murals."

Me? Don't you worry about me, I'm cool (and staying in school).

Sarah had gotten off the decks and decided to join us cutting some rug on the dancefloor.

We waited through another few minutes of gagging and gurgling, but there was still no "big payoff" like before.

Uh-oh! Speaking of tah-tah-trouble. Tinny was in the house.

Geordon playing grab-ass.

Sarah was looking so juggalicious I just couldn't help myself. DISCLAIMER: For the benefith of certain potential readers (Umm, namely Sarah's overprotective brother) I'd like to point out that my mouth isn't actually on Sarah's boobies - it's just an optical illusion - honest!

Later that night, I met up with Vin (who coincidentally turned up wearing a PGMG shirt) and we headed to...

Lori Craven even managed to sneak away from her two babies and came up from Souther Jersey to see the show!

Towards the end of the evening, Monica who'd just gotten into town from Miami showed up! (You may remember her as dreamgirl who took me to a wild dancparty a few New Year's Eves ago).

This shot's practically an ad for Pabst.

Hahaha. Yep, that's definitely a Bon Jovi face.

Looks like Jovi to me.