i keep a diary

a person in 703 photos in 2003

me

showing 2003 only · show all years
appears with…
newest
DSC02576.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
I kicked off the night with my version of, um, errrrr, who knows - I guess that's why I shouldn't let over three months go by before I get around to captioning these stupid photos.
karaoke with brett
August 09, 2003
DSC02587.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Orange scarf? Hey, when you're doing karaoke three times a week after awhile you find you need "props" to "spice things up."
karaoke with brett
August 09, 2003
Here's a video of the kiss. It's a bummer because you have to tilt your head to the left and because you can only see the kiss clearly for one split-second when the flash goes off, but it's still totally worth watching just so you can hear that Sexual Healing by Mr. Marvin Gaye was playing on the jukebox when this all went down. Hahahaha.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Check it out y'all: BASS CLEFF!
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Unfazed by all the grab-ass, I kept on dancing with her - and then, while she was dancing behind me a few minutes later, Fraces, a sixty-seven year old woman, a senior citizen for God's sake, full-on reached around and grabbed my junk. With both hands. I reported back to Grant who at first, didn't believe me. Conversation went something like this:

Me: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!
Grant: What?
Me: Frances just grabbed my dick!
Grant (confused): What do you mean?
Me: What do you mean 'What do I mean?' I mean, she GRABBED MY DICK!
Grant: No way.
Me: Yes way.
Grant: Really?
Me: Yes, I think she totally wants to make out with me!
Grant: She wouldn't make out with you! And you wouldn't make out with her!
Me: Sure I would, why not?
Grant (angered): NO FUCKING WAY! YOU WOULDN'T!
Me (confused): Um, yes I would.
Grant (exasperated): DUDE! She's an OLD LADY!
Me: So?
Grant: There's NO WAY in the world you'd make out with her! NO WAY!
Me: Well, I mean I'm not gonna take her out back and give her stinky pinky or anything, but I'd kiss her.
Grant: YOU WOULD NOT KISS HER! SHUT UP!
Me: Yes I would.
Grant: I'll bet you anything you won't kiss her.
Me: Okay, like what?
Grant: I bet you dinner at Peter Luger's Steakhouse!
Me: If I kiss her you'll buy me a full dinner at Peter Luger's?
Grant: Yes.
Me: All I have to do is kiss Frances?
Grant: With TONGUE!
Me: Done. Shake on it.

And with those words, and a handshake to seal the deal - I walked over to Frances and...

my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Awwww, yeah. Happy Birthday to me!
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Afterwards, we went right back to cutting rug.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
So a few minutes later, I go back out on the dancefloor with Frances and the next thing you know we're dancing up a storm. We're all shakin' our bums and she's all holdin' my face...
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Right after the kiss, I did a quick calculation and realized that if this was my 27th birthday, it meant Frances was just over FORTY YEARS OLDER THAN ME! While I reeled in shock, Frances told the sickened onlookers that "Damn, white boy can kiss!" (Check out the dude in the background staring in utter disbelief)
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
...tongue kissed a sixty-seven year old woman.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
...and then the next thing I know, out of the blue, she's giving my bum the old double-handed grab. (I mean, check out her expression, she's making the "ooooooh" face and everything. Bonus points to Grant for catching this shit with the cam).
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
If you don't know her from when we danced dirty at my Goodbye Brooklyn party back in April of 2002, do yourself a favor and familiarize yourself with the background to this story right now. (Don't worry, it'll open a new window and when you're done you can just close it and you'll be right back here, kay?)
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
For those of you not in the know, Frances is the the sixty-seven year old bar-back at Rosemary's Tavern.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Okay, all caught up? Good. So after dancing a bit with Frances and catching up...
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
That's right y'all, it's Frances.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
The Fatty (looking like a zombie from out of "The Night of the Living Dead") me, Vin (making the bestest face ever) and GrizzleMyNizzle.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
And informed her that as a BirthdayBoy it was my undeniable right to get a kiss. First off, I can't believe this worked. Secondly, she didn't even ask to see any proof! (It's been my birthday almost every night since. Awwww, yeah).
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Vin and Tara!
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
At dinner, Grant manned the camera and managed to snap a pic of me opening my birthday card...
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
On my actual bday, Grant, Michael and myself paid my good friend Dave a visit for a little birthday lunch treat.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Vin, me, and Vin's hat.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
And on the way back to the office I ran into Jack (the Sign-Holder Formerly known as "Crazy Pomodoro Guy") who wished me a happy birthday!
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
...and one of me displaying my Jersey Shore Salt Water Birthday Taffy (and then my camera died - which is why there are no more pics from this night).
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Here's Grant and I partying with Fatty's "heavy metal hair" driver's license.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
On the day before my birthday, my mom and dad came into New York City (from Jersey) and took Grant, Tara and myself out for a birthday dinner at Epicurie in the LES.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
me
Thanks guys - I had an amazing night (and thank you too, Frances *wink*)!
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
DSC02475.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Candy and I reminded everyone that Roxanne did indeed not need to be putting on that red light. Seriously, those days are over, Rox. For seriously.
sarah's lingerie karaoke birthday party
August 06, 2003
DSC02453.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Hahahahaha.
sarah's lingerie karaoke birthday party
August 06, 2003
DSC02455.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Me (my armpit hair again) and Valentina.
sarah's lingerie karaoke birthday party
August 06, 2003
DSC02439.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Xiomara!
sarah's lingerie karaoke birthday party
August 06, 2003
DSC02440.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Tara (in her Holly Hobby lingerie), Ed and my armpit hair. Suh-weet.
sarah's lingerie karaoke birthday party
August 06, 2003
DSC02435.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
As the booze started flowing more freely, the "you must be in lingerie or your underwear" policy was foisted upon us.
sarah's lingerie karaoke birthday party
August 06, 2003
DSC02433.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Seth, one of the stars of "The Story That Can't Be Told", Sarah, and me.
sarah's lingerie karaoke birthday party
August 06, 2003
me
Reunited and it feels so right!
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
me
Me pulling an exicted face at the bag of donuts Grant was holding up as I pulled in. (They got me a treat! Who's more thoughtful than them? Who's luckier than me?)
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
me
A few minutes later, I arrived. (In my sweet, sweet Intreptid rental.)
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
me
We even had enough time to grab a calzone at the pizza parlor around the corner from the theater. "No Fatty, you're the man now, dawg." (As much as I'd like to solely credit our win to Fatty's superb driving, Frank's inability to operate a motor vehicle and his lack of understanding of even the most basic of traffic rules probably didn't hurt our team either).
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
me
I was trying to take a video of us rocking out but took a picture instead and managed to capture us in the midst of some pretty serious MetalFaces (check out Fatty pretending to play kit in the background with his DrummerFAce in full effect. Hahaha).
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
me
This one's even better. Ready?
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
me
Shazam! Drink up, big guy! (That pic of MM was taken back in the day when he wasn't ashamed to hang out with us *sniffle*).
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
me
...Michael Martin! Hahahah.
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
me
One last pic with the New York Four.
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
me
...special guest star (via the magic of Photoshop)...[drumroll please]
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
IMG_0311.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Me eating the ice cream I got at 7 Eleven. Look at my fucking wonky eyes! This was the drunkest I'd been in years. Oooof.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0307.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
This is hands down my favorite pic of the night. Bert N' Tha Boyz.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0303.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
But we weren't ready to go home just yet...we stopped at 7Eleven to stock up on treats. Aw yeah, Bert.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0300.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
We summoned Bert, our driver, and piled into the van for the big 3 mile trip home (bonus points to Frank for picking his nose).
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0274.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Um, yeah. (Check out Grant in the background censoring himself. Heheh.)
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0279.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
So somewhere around this time, I started spitting on my friends. Well, more like spitting on my hand and throwing it at them. I don't know, it seemed funny at the time. Needless to say, people weren't happy with me. After realizing that I'd been an asshole, I apologized and Seth opened his arms for a hug. Little did I know, it was a set up: while I was hugging Seth, Grant snuck up behind me and poured his beer down my shirt (while Fatty, privy to the plan, waited in the wings with the camera. Bastards).
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0272.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Seth was kind enough to offer me a sip of his water as a chaser. Only after a I swallowed did I realize his "water" was actually a glass of vodka with just a little bit of ice. A real prince among men, I tell ya.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0252.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
As "last call" drew nearer, we bid the lovely ladies a fond farewell and hit the road to head over to some other bar where Seth and Frank knew the owner (If you look in the background behind my arm you can see Seth showing off the can of beer he snuck out of the bar by strategically hiding it in his asscrack. Sweet.)
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0244.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After a little while, we tired of simply making silly faces with the girls and decided to up the ante...
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0220.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
A few minutes later, we convinced them to take more pics ("Taking pics is fun, right?") and Grant got in on the action.

Okay, I think it's safe to say that we were all pretty liquored up. At some point during the next few hours, every guy on the trip managed to get their luggage out...which leads us to the very first ikeepadairy.com contest!
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0265.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...put them down. Hoo-ah. *Blech* *Gurgle* *Sputter* Check out Jagermeister suddenly transforming me into Dobby from Harry Potter. Jesus.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0206.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Frank (also sporting a little, um, color) and me.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0221.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Look at the color of Grant's face. I swear to God I didn't alter the contrast or anything. I wish I had the audio file of him a few hours earlier all saying "It's cloudy, dude! You don't need to wear lotion when it's cloudy out!"
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0218.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
She was like "Why are you all laughing?" and started to walk away. I managed to convice her that we were just happy to meet such cute girls and Seth got his act together in time to snap this pic.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0217.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After months of getting people to willingly pose with my balls, it was time to try something new: getting unsuspecting people to unknowingly pose with my balls. I discreetly whipped out my bag, and grabbed one of our new friends for a picture. I handed off the cam to Seth who totally shit the bed by not managing to get my balls in the pic. Doh! The rest of the guys in the pic (Check out Grant and Franks' faces) were laughing so hard that the girl in the black shirt was totally confused...
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
me
See? Look at the beach! Crazy, right?
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
me
If this picture had audio, it would sound like: "BONK." Which is the sound of the Frisbee hitting Grant moments after he snapped this pic.
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
me
After dinner we headed to some god-awful outdoor Newport nightclub that was on the water.
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
me
This guy was one of the only people there that fit-in with the rest of the crowd less than we did. I mean, c'mon, homeboy was wearing a leather vest! I went up to him and told him that he bore an uncanny resemblance to my brother-in-law (you know, the guy that married my non-existent sister) and asked if I could take his pic (when all I really wanted was a pic of his leather vest). Anyway, he turned out to be the nicest guy in the world and we ended up hanging out with him the rest of the night (and I got the pic of his leather vest, taboot).
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
me
Check out this cougar that was circling Colin and me; clearly trolling for a lil' spitroast action.
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
me
From L to R: Fatty, me, Colin, Frank and Grant.
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
me
We showed off our "French Faces." What eez zee poin? Ehhh?
the august roundup
August, 2003
me
Hahahaha. Look at my eye peeking out!

UPDATE November 9th, 2008: If you've read Grant's book (and if you haven't, WHY HAVEN'T YOU?), this was the night that Grant was planning on finally getting in on with Louise but he ended up drinking so much that he was worried that he wouldn't be able to get a hard-on and took an entire 100mg pill of Viagra!
the august roundup
August, 2003
me
Au revoir pour toujours, ma petite tomate!
the august roundup
August, 2003
me
Grant capturing a pensive me between a stack of burger boxes. (Actually, what he captured is me staring in disbelief at some insanely gorgeous supermodel-type girl who walked in, marched up to the counter and proceeded to order a fucking sack of burgers. Who would've thunk?)
the august roundup
August, 2003
me
So after my lack-luster performance of "Cum on Feel Tha Noize," Colin and I headed over to Nolita Tavern where we ran into Candy and her leather hat.
the august roundup
August, 2003
me
Later that night - Tara and I went to see the Fatal Flying Guillotines (friends of hers from Texas) play at Lit. Afterwards, we went over to SinSin and kicked it. (L to R: Vin, Tara, me, Jaime, and one of Jaime's friends).
the august roundup
August, 2003
me
Ross, me and Kate.
bidness in los angeles
July 24, 2003
me
Me and Darren (aka D-run), Tavis' best friend.
bidness in los angeles
July 24, 2003
me
Me and the Smidge.
bidness in los angeles
July 24, 2003
me
After a few rounds of drinks, Stephanie and Gabe (Tavis and Laura's nextdoor neighbors) came over to join the festivities.
bidness in los angeles
July 24, 2003
me
Sha-sha-shitfaced in the afternoon!
bidness in los angeles
July 24, 2003
me
After showers and naps for everyone, we met up again later that night for...
bidness in los angeles
July 24, 2003
me
True to form, Louis and I hopped on our plane to LA with no hotel booked. The lovely Kate Hill was kind enought to suggest that we stay at the Downtown Standard. Shortly after checking in, she took a cab to the hotel and we hit the town.
bidness in los angeles
July 24, 2003
me
A few weeks prior, I had tried to nuzzle Sarah's boobies while we were cutting rug at P.Diddy's party and she ran away. But this time, sweet, sweet success. Hahahaha.
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
me
Ok, this photo's a bit redundant, but I only included it because check out Fatty surreptitiously making faces at his date. Hahahaha.
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
me
My "Karate Kid Crane Kick" impression was quickly put to shame when...
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
me
This picture's called "Why You Shouldn't Fall Asleep When Grant Has Your Camera."
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
me
Jess and me! (Check us out way back in '97). Hahah.
siren festival and jess party
July 19, 2003
DSC02102.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
So we walk all the way down to Chinatown only to find that the party's long since over and all the cute girls (if they even existed in the first place) are nowhere to be seen (fucking Vin, sheesh).. But on the upside, on the walk back up towards the East Village, we found this picture of Jesus that someone had put out for the trash and we decided to save him (God knows how many people he's saved so, you know, it was the least we could do).
thursday night out (with jesus)
July 18, 2003
DSC02100.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
And I licked her face.
thursday night out (with jesus)
July 18, 2003
DSC02095.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Even though it's more expensive than it used to be back in the day, you really can't beat The Cherry Tavern "Special." A can of Tecate and a shot of tequilla for $4? Wha?
thursday night out (with jesus)
July 18, 2003
DSC02094.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After a few minutes of me sitting next to Vin, Marco notices that we're both wearing the same shirt (albeit, in different colors) and starts totally giving us shit. (Keep this in mind for later...)
thursday night out (with jesus)
July 18, 2003
DSC02079.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After a some serious badminton (just for the record, Frank and I won the tournament...undefeated, baby!)...
badminton in brooklyn
July 12, 2003
DSC02067.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
And then while I was taking a nap his shadow molested me.
badminton in brooklyn
July 12, 2003
DSC02021.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Here's me with Sheff and Seth (who had just arrived in town on Sheff's brand, new boat. Which being 40' is prolly more appropriately called a yacht. Jesus.)
impromtu karaoke with tracy morgan
July 11, 2003
DSC02026.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
"Must like sushi, long walks on the beach...oh, and one mo' thing: shouldn't steal my stuff." New York City, I love you so much.
impromtu karaoke with tracy morgan
July 11, 2003
DSC01889.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Copious ammounts of boardwalk junk food lead to one thing...
the fourth of july
July 04, 2003
DSC01894.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
U-S-A! U-S-A!
the fourth of july
July 04, 2003
DSC01890.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...FOOD BABY!
the fourth of july
July 04, 2003
me
Beatrice and me with shots (courtesy of Ed).
the july roundup
July, 2003
me
Goodbye lovelies! See you in September!
the july roundup
July, 2003
me
On the way out, a friend of mine who reads this site recognized the fashion-mullet man from back in April. I'm happy to report, he's since cut it off.
the july roundup
July, 2003
me
And here's a pic of us just before getting on the Tilt-a-Whirl-on-Crank ride in the background.
the july roundup
July, 2003
me
Me and Sarah (aka - Ultragrrrl) cut rug until we were sweaty messes in the back room. Damn, babygirl can dance! (Wearing the shirt that would later cause the Village Voice to give a shout out to her "bodacious ta-tas").
the july roundup
July, 2003
me
When even the sight of me striking rollerdisco poses failed to elicit a smile, I knew our little buddy was really down in the dumps.
the july roundup
July, 2003
me
No, no, no...you're the man now, dog.
saturday park dinner at suba and karaoke
June 28, 2003