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a person in 5,311 photos

me

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appears with…

meredith613
!best445
grant397
!us248
!sunglasses230
!karaoke188
leigh169
fatty159
sarah133
!birthday127
!misshapes126
maddy124
!driving119
!kiss114
!strangers113
!beach112
!mirror112
jeet108
vin100
brett87

I ended the night at Max Fish with Susan and Scott. (Oh, and if David Lee Roth's lawyer reads this...these photos were all faked in Photoshop. I, uh, swear.)

After a few knocks, it was clear that no one was going to answer. We figured that maybe everyone was out on the balcony deck with DLR and they couldn't hear us. We decided to head up to the roof and see if we'd be able to get a vantage point of the party from there.

Grant, the Fatty and me. We made it up to Sarah's rooftop just in time to catch the start of...

Oh, and to do re-enactments of the Chinese face Grant accidentally pulled. Mmm....racist.

After the ties were fixed, it was time for family photos out on the back deck. Here's Brett, Pappi, mom and me.

Mmmmm...cake.

Dear Steve's Wonderful, Smart, Witty and Beautiful Girlfriend Whose Name I Can't Remember, I'm sorry I can't remember your name. I'm going to blame it on all those Pineapple & Malibus we drank together. (You may think I'm kidding, but that really is one of my favorite drinks. Scotch at an open bar leads me to only one place: ThrowUpOnYourselfville. So if you're looking to pace yourself, you can't go wrong with good ol' Pineapple & Malibus - and hey, they're delicious!) (PS - Since this entry was originally written, I've obviously remembered that her name is Amanda! Sorry, Amanda!)

Me with Unclue Bruce (who's the only male member of our family that can grow an actual, honest-to-God mustache). Soooo jealous.

Me with Chris and Steve.

Me and my mom.

Me with Little Brother Brett.

Then, back at my parents house, my brother and his girlfriend dug up my freshman year choir portrait. What's up, 1990 in the house? How much do you love my mullet complete with undershaved sides? Ouch.

A few minutes later Lindsay and her friends walked by and we got them with the same gag. Happy July! Woo!

Not even my sweatiness stopped a smooch.

And then this naughty boy got what's been coming to him for a long time.

Tinns and a sweaty-necked me.

After the show, Tins and I hopped a cab to check out the Booty Dance Party over at the Tribecca Grand.

On Tuesday I ended up at Happy Ending late and unknowingly showed up at my bizarro twin Jonas' birthday party!

...this! Timmy managed to get off just one snap before I got my camera off of him.

Timmy (most famous for his role as instigator in the Grant Gets Gay "entry") giving me a "you're a good sport" wet willy. Suh-weet.

Somwhere along the line, Jonas said it was his birthday wish to take shirtless photos with me. Timmy took my camera, and Jonas got my shirt off faster than a fatgirl can unwrap a Twix. Here's me trying to hide my giant boner by acting uncomfortable.

I wasn't even able to take him standing up, I had to sit down to hold him!

Me helping Jolie eat her broccoli (it's only fair that I return the favor, a few years ago she helped me eat my vegetables).

A litter later in the evening we ran into Evan, Grant's former Nerve intern from years ago who now runs Block Magazine out of Brooklyn. (Whom I totally fucking assassinated with one of the best "get a load of this fucking guy" finger-points in the history of the sport. Hahahahah).

We took them on a stroll through Thomkins Square Park on the way back to Grant's apartment...

Holy Fruity French Toast, Batman!

Afterwards, we hit the park where I quickly lapsed into a hamburger-induced slumber. (Yo, check out my "haven't shaved in two days" dirtstache. Suh-weet.)

Tins, me and Grant.

Later that night, Leigh and I went over to Lit to meet up with Grant and a few other people. Uh-oh! Trouble!

In the midst of our maxing and relaxing, Grant got a call on his cell from his Grammy Pammy in England (who is probably the only octagenarian who is a regular reader of my site)!

Somewhere during the course of the afternoon, I ended up making friends with this deaf mute guy. He spent his day circling the park and barking (yes, literally barking, he's deaf mute, remember?) at girls in bikinis to get their attention and then taking their picture with a disposable camera. He communicated with us by miming and manage to tell us that he puts all of his photos of girls in bikinis in an album and that we should all come over and look at the pictures sometime because he lives right around the corner. (I swear this is true. How could I even make something like this up?) The only thing I didn't learn was his name.

On Sunday we headed back to Thompkins Square Park to enjoy the sunshine. (From L to R: Matt Lavin aka "Buddy" from Sid & Buddy fame, Vin, me and the Tins).

We took this picture of us both speaking with her and assured her that it'd eventually be posted on the site. So here's a big shout out to Grammy Pam! (Here's a pic of her from when we were in London last year! She's the one immediately to Grant's left!)

The party was a little quiet, so we finished our forties of OE and cabbed it over to the west side of Manhattan to check out...

Later that night, I went over to Sarah and Niki's and we got dressed to attend a P.Diddy-in-the-Hamptons inspired "White Party" in Brooklyn. Sometimes a true playa's gotta roll with both dark and light meat, ya heard?

...this. So you were right, Siege. I guess I am a size one. (PS - Hey Leigh, is there a PONY on my dress?). Afterwards, we ended up betting that I wouldn't run down Broadway buck naked for two blocks. We got down to street level and as we walked outside there were two police cruisers on the corner just hanging out. Saved by the NYPD.

About halfway through the twelve-pack, Meredith and Emily both called up and decided to join us. Here's me wearing her lil' green Harry Potter glasses.

Meredith and me.

Yay, pride!

Despite only getting a few hours of sleep, we managed to pick up the van and be heading beachward before noon. Here's me, Meredith, Grant, Rachel and David and Miye in the back! Rented van, wooooooo!

June 27th is Gay Pride Day! David borrowed Miye's beach hat to show a little solidarity.

Once we hit the beach, it was portrait time!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAREN! (Oh, and sorry about the whole "Now you'll never get to be president" thing.)

Meanwhile, back on the other side of the bar, Karen and I found found Brother Lawrence making out with Bridgette! Uh-oh! Right around this time, I asked Karen if she wanted to take "a birthday photo with my balls" (because, as you may have surmised by reading this site, I'm just that kind of guy). Not only did Karen accept, she raised the ante and agreed to take what is probably the steepest ball photo on my site...

Hoo-ah!

Me getting ready to put my boobies on Sarah.

Crazy Amber in the house! Wooo!

Me and Lawrence.

....THIS! Ten minutes of Photoshop magic later, I'd successfully hidden Sarah's identity with a strategically placed "extra can" of Sparks in Karen's hand. Hahahah. While impressed with my skizzills (I mean, you have to admit, it is pretty good), she told me she'd still prefer to run the other one.

...Karen's 23rd birthday! Wooo! I brought her a six-pack of Sparks to help instigate some birthday trouble (more on that later...hehehe). The day after the party, I took all my pics and posted them into a "sneak peek" gallery for Karen (because she assumed, correctly I might add, that it would be "like six months" before I finally got around to posting them here).

Anyway, somehow a photo editor at Rolling Stone saw this pic and wanted to use it for a blurb about Sparks in an upcoming "What's Hot" issue. I was stoked. A day later, she realized that Sarah is an editor at Spin and apparently didn't want to prominently feature and editor from a competitive magazine doing something "hot." She went back through my pics and found another photo of people drinking Sparks that Sarah wasn't in and asked if she could use that instead. "Well, Sarah's not in that photo, but the problem is: I'm not either." (And hey, I wanted to be doing something "hot" in Rolling Stone, ok?) So I asked her, "What if I can figure out a way to hide Sarah?" She was like "I don't even know what you're talking about." That is, until I sent her...

...all hot and bothered.

The reason we sat near him, is because I knew it would get the girls...

Me, Jen, Rebecca and Sarah Wilson.

Here's me giving Sarah a hug for inviting me to what was one of the best private shows I've ever seen (and probably marked the last time the Killers played a venue that holds less that 300 people).

Me and Tins. (Notice the crepe paper wound around the basement's water main. No prom details were skipped!)

Me and Kusum again (this time with 35% more chin!) and Adam in the background.

Me and Karen.

Me and Rebecca.

Kusum posing with my famous disappearing chin (that shit's like magic, ain't it?).

Me and Lawrence (Sarah's brother of Brother Lawrence fame). And yes, I am wearing the same ghetto-ass bow-tie-drawn-on-with-marker shirt I made for the MisShapes Prom that was a few days prior.

There was a prom "backdrop" where you could get your Polaroid picture taken with your date.

Er, dates. (Sorry, Niki). Actually, as much as I'd like to pretend I was the prom queen's man, she was really there with Mark (the tall guy from the Killers). I just managed to steal a kiss.

And I invited Brian and Alysha (who I know from Modem Media waaaaay back in the day).

Gloria, how's it gonna go down? Will you meet him on the main line? Or catch him on the rebound?

I ended up flying into San Jose and staying near the airport there (neither Philip or I had any sense of the geography out here and at the time, this seemed to make sense) I checked into my room at the Hyatt (where my comments are appreciated) and got on the phone trying to find something to eat. Even though it was only 11pm, there was NOTHING open in the vicinity. My only choice was...

Bonus points to Beth for managing to lick my neck and not even have me notice when I was taking this picture.

Turns out I had to let him kiss me (but hey he didn't saying anything about me having to kiss him back! Yay, loopholes). So I stood totally frozen with my mouth (and eyes, apparently) wide-open while he frenched me. Hahaha. I look shell-shocked.

I'm shocked ladies. Really. Just shocked.

I didn't have a real bowtie (or a real dress shirt, if we're being honest) so I went with an old prom stand-by and just drew a bow tie on a t-shirt with marker. From a few feet away, it almost looked real!

Me and Sarah.

Amber (this time just looking like hot-ass normal self) and me.

See? (Well, ok - I said almost).

Not as scandalous as my fucking "got kicked in the neck" hickey, though. Grody. A litte after four, we hopped a cab and called it a night. I ended up losing one of my cameras on the taxi ride home (it fell out of my pants pocket). I figured it gone forever and went out and bought a new one the next day. A few weeks later, I got a call from a guy - his son had found my camera near the curb by their apartment and when he opened it up, found my cell number written on the memory card inside! I gave the kid $40 bucks for finding it and then gave it to Grant (since I'd already bought a new one).

Geordon (looking like a fucking SmoothTwinks centerfold) and me.

See?

Afterwards I ate three hot dogs to replace all the precious nitrates that were shaken out of my body by the Viper.

My player status was being questioned until I dropped my shades and coldlamped a bit. Boo-yah. Player status confirmed.

And me? I went for a good ol' fashioned...

I now it's got a shitty name, but if you ever see one of these machines, sit the fuck down and check it out. God bless you, Wootsie, you saved the day.

Here's a picture of us pretending we're not scared shitless.

So instead we decided to check out the Sponge Bob Square Pants 3-D Action Movie Adventure. (Hey pal, fuck you. The theater was air conditioned, ok?)

After the movie it was back out into the brutal 100°F heat. Ugh.

We were screaming with joy until we stepped out of the AC-cooled car and got punched in the face by the heat.

Yay, heatwave!

Sometimes my late night photos look like Twister.

Me and Matt Lesser (the Hairdresser). Aka - Sid from Sid and Buddy's Karaoke Superparty.

Me and Ryan.

Saturday started out in the basement of the Delancey where I randomly ran into Sarah, Karen and Nick!

Me going for the boobie grab and missing completely.

Uh, I don't think that's very Smurfy.

Brian Smurf.

The late ngiht crowd there was kind of weird, so I ended up hanging out in the little DJ booth with Sar, Nikki (the F.B.O.V.) and Leigh.

I wish you never had to go, June.

So. Fucking. Tough.

Hey, it's Mark Wholey!

I rocked out so hard I broke the fucking mic stand.

Hey, it's Jim! This (fugging) guy and a few of his friends were in town from all over the place (Toronto, Boston and London if I remember correctly). He read about the show on my site and they all decided to swing by and check the band out! So rad!

JimmyK with Mr & Mrs Battjer.

Amy White and me.

After dessert, Bev taught me how to fold my cloth napkin into a rabbit hand puppet! Look out high society, here we come!

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a photo diary · online since december 1996