...we asked ourselves what we could spell out with three letters to represent NJ. How about EWR? (Newark's airport code!). Hahaha. We reviewed this photo and decided that while Sarah nailed her "E," Leigh and I definitely needed to tighten up our sloppy WR situation.
Before she could answer, I got down on knee and popped the big one! She was so surprised that at first she didn't say anything. She just kept looking around totally surprised trying to process what was happening.
Hahaha. On my flight back to NYC from Abu Dhabi I sat next a restless, grumpy older man from somewhere in Africa. He couldn't seem to get to sleep and opted to eschew the airline-provided sleepmask in favor of dramatically re-throwing a huge blanket over his head and sighing EVERY TWENTY MINUTES FOR THE ENTIRE FOURTEEN-HOUR FLIGHT. Hahaha. Here's me giving him very worst stinkeye after he elbow-jostled me awake for the TENTH TIME!
...other friends! Hahaha. I forget this guy's name, but he was hilarious. He was like one of the few guys in the town who was super into bodybuilding and was excited to have someone puny like me to flex-down next to. This photo makes me laugh every time I look at it.
Here's me saying goodbye to Ahmed after we got back to my hotel around 4pm! This guy was the best! Despite only knowing a few words in each others' language, we managed to talk all day for an eight-hour road trip. Thanks again for driving, Ahmed!
Lani saw what was going on and wasn't about to miss out on all the hot MAN-MILK action. (The best part is how Lani's delicately squeezing with her thumb and forefinger. Hahaha).
"Play your cards right, yeah, and in a couple years time, you'll find yourself here...in the HOT SEAT." Here's me giving Gurj our very favoritest moment from The Office EVAAAAR!
On Saturday morning, I was (obviously) feeling a little lazy and elected to skip the whole "getting dressed" nonsense and go directly to reading cool articles on the interweb. I guess I lost track of time and was sitting there long enough for Meredith to grab my camera and take this totally sneaky photo of unaware-me browsin' in the buff. After years of posting all sorts of compromising and embarrassing photos of friends and strangers alike, I figured it's only fair to post horribly embarrassing pics of me as well!
...this totally dirty-by-accident photo! Holy moly! But one thing's for sure, it certainly clears up any doubts anyone had about Lisa's ability to, ummm, work the mic.
Here's me doing my best David Brent desk pose while double-fisting delicious wine coolers. (Man, I don't care what anyone says. Those raspberry Bacardi Breezers are DELICIOUS! Do they even sell them here in the States or are they a UK thing? I totally need to check next time I'm out at a store here!)
The night was really funny. The girls also LOVED Meredith's big blue eyes and kept telling her that they didn't usually "go with" other ladies but that if she was interested in one of them "that was ok." Hahaha. We ended up getting really drunk and hanging out with the girls and answering a lot of questions about life in New York City.
And then I set my camera all the way across the tent and used the timer to take this awesome Hustler Magazine inspired photo that I call "The West's Corruption of the East."
...a giant air conditioned (and carpeted!) tent. We went inside and Meredith took a bunch of photos of the two of us acting like we're working out some Old Testament business deals. Hahaha.
...Faisal decking me out! I had always figured the clothing had some sort of religious significance, but it turns out that it's just the traditional dress of the region and wearing it to work is pretty much akin to dressing up in a suit in the west.
Brad was there taking photos and we hammed it up for him. 'Reserved' Sign + Crotch + Two Pretty Ladies Pointing at Crotch + David Brent Face = Comedy GOLD.
Then on Saturday night, there was a party for Leigh's birthday at MisShapes. (I heard she knows the people that throw that party so they hooked it up for her).
On Thursday afternoon, Benjamin made the mistake of leaving his brand new camera out on his desk when he went to the bathroom, so Mike and I picked it up and took a bunch of "secret photos" for him to find later. This one made me laugh so hard that I took a picture of the picture so I'd have a copy of it on my camera. Meta!
Around 3pm we decided to pack it up, but not before I tried to take a sweet photo of the two of us together and Meredith made this totally amazing face behind my back. Hahaha. I love how it looks like she's actually licking my shoulder.
...the monkey was just excited about all of us! Homeboy was packing!. Boy, thirty years old and still doing stuff like pretending an inflatable monkey's tail is a giant inflatable monkey-penis. I guess my eighth-grade guidance counselor was right about me all along! (At least he was wrong about the whole "ending up in jail" part! Er, at least so far anyway).
If you would've asked fifteen year-old me what I'd be doing on the night of my thirtieth birthday, I know without a doubt that he wouldn't have even come close to describing this photo.
Here's is our masterpiece! It's called See-Through Birthday Suit at Thirty. The saran-wrap garment serves as a skin-metaphor for identity and reminds us that that the world is new to us each and every morning. Which means, we are reborn a new each and every day.
...and we teamed up for this incredibly hot photo. (I don't know if you know this, but I'm going to let you in on a huge secret: WE ARE HUGE FUCKING DORKS.)
And Siege snapped a few funny pics of Mer and I goofing around on the beach with his fancy cam. (Thanks for sending these over, Siege!). Here's our impression of that old Coppertone advertisement where a little dog is tugging at a girl's bathing suit.
When the band got back on stage, they called me up to sing! "Don't Stop" is pretty much one of the best karaoke songs of all time and one of the few times that I actually don't mind that fact that I was pretty much born with a woman's voice. Check out the singer all like "Holy shit, this guy's a eunuch!"
Last song of the night! I may not have won the competition, but I definitely went home feeling like a winner! (Cue sitcom audience applause and outro music from Growing Pains).
If, by the time I die, tombstones with embedded video screens are commonplace, someone please make sure that this photo makes it into the cemetery slideshow. Thanks. (Photo by Leo Zacharias)
...Black Face Jesus needed to be BRAINED! Hahahahah. It's with great pleasure that I present to you this photo of me, a stranger from the internet, Black Face Jesus, and my balls.
...I think it's safe to say that Meredith and my TEAM UGLY FACE prevailed. The best thing about "UGLY FACE" is that it usually always leads to you making friends with people who overhear you laughing and are like "Yo, what the FUCK are you guys doing?" And then after you explain their like "Oh..."
My ugly face! (Hahahah. Jesus. I know I've done this face like a million times and I should be used to it...but even I've got to say that this particular instance is shockingly ugly!
So it's right after Christmas, and I'd just gotten back in town and after getting settled in, I decided to head out late at night and say hi to some friends. I got to the Darkroom around 3am and right after I'd arrived, look who shows up? Asian Porno Lady! I called her over and asked her to show me some of her "racier" titles. As I was going through the stack of various pirated titles, I came across this one, entitled "The Horse Fucker", and knew she'd just found a new customer. Cha-ching!
Scott Ian from Anthrax!!! First Emilie's boyfriend turns out to be in NIN, and then I end up at a party with Scott Ian??? It's like all the wishes I made back in 1987 finally came true! (Now if I could only get a handjob from Samantha Foxx....)
An hour or two later, we figured that Misshapes had probably cleared out a bit and decided to head back across the street to check it out. As I was crossing the street, Tinny spotted us all coming out of Movida ("TRAITORS!!!!") and attacked!
Here's a pic (stolen from Dens!) of us on the coaster! This was the ride where Dennis discovered he wasn't a huge fan of roller coasters! (The three of us all have our arms in the air and he's holding on for dear life).
As long time readers of this site know, I have a ton of bizarro-lookalikes: but the one that cracks my friends up the most, is the fact that I look quite a bit like Ellen DeGeneres. I was watching her comedy special and paused and thought I'd captured quite a likeness so I took this pic to immortalize it. Hahah.
On Sunday, I moved the last of my stuff into my new sublet at Sarah's, got my own set of keys, and got to officially add my name to the list the lengthy roster of people that are able to proudly call themselves "Occupants of Apt. 3A."
...the facial hair I let grow for eleven days! HAHAHAHAHAH. Everyone I know always laughs about my inability to grow facial hair. If I go for more than a day without shaving I get these sparse little whiskers that make it look like I have a dirty face. But figuring this would be one of the few times in my life that I'd be going for over 10 days without having to interact with anyone, I decided to let my majestic facial hair grow and see what it looked like. Are you ready for the close-up?
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