best + me — i keep a diary

Which resulted in me taking this photo (which I ended up using as my biography photo on my portfolio site!).

the may roundup

May, 2005

cigarette ↗+

Hahaha.

thailand part four: koh phi phi

April 24, 2005

...becomes THE HUNTED!

heidi gallant's birthday quarterslot show and misshapes

April 09, 2005

Hahahah.

sxsw south by southwest 2005

March 16, 2005

...paid back for all my braining. (This is the worst girls can do? Sheee-it, sign me up! I usually have to give a stranger a dollar to get this!)

sxsw south by southwest 2005

March 16, 2005

...this incredible photo op. Hahahah. How fucking scary is photo? Will looks 800 times more like Bad Sensei than I look like Johnny. His resemblance is uncanny! If there had been a lookalike "Daniel-san" in the bar that night, he totally would've shit his pants.

jonathan crowley's birthday and misshapes

March 12, 2005

White-trash self-portrait.

siege's white trash birthday bash

March 02, 2005

moustache ↗+

Hahahaha.

siege's white trash birthday bash

March 02, 2005

...moustaches! Hahaha. Every single time I look at Grant's expression in this pic I actually laugh out loud. (And now that I'm looking again, I guess my silky, blonde moustache is pretty sweet as well).

siege's white trash birthday bash

March 02, 2005

Hahaha.

the march roundup

March, 2005

flyer ↗+

I decided to go with Skid Row's cautionary ballad, 18 & Life. I was even lucky enough to score a stageful of interpretive backup dancers. Sure, that song might be a ballad...

the march roundup

March, 2005

karaoke ↗+

Hahahah.

accidental vacation in jamaica

February 16, 2005

Awwwwww.

accidental vacation in jamaica

February 16, 2005

I passed the fuck out and Meredith took pics of my sleeping double chin.

accidental vacation in jamaica

February 16, 2005

...slip into something more comfortable.

the january roundup: part two

January, 2005

Eureka! This one's perfect. Holy shit we're fucking ugly. No wonder neither of us can ever get laid!

the 2nd fiasco show and matt lesser's birthday

January 21, 2005

Check out Silky Black Cowboy giving me the "I'll give you one guess which whiteboy's so gonna throw up when he gets home?"

the january roundup: part one

January, 2005

Here are the fruits of his labor though. Well worth the wait!

thanksgiving

November 25, 2004

...dead zombie hula girls.

brett visits for halloween in san francisco

October 29, 2004

Tinny's face pretty much says it all.

back in nyc

October 21, 2004

Me standing next to one of em.

meredith visits san francisco

September 25, 2004

...of one of the sharks we'd seen earlier.

meredith visits san francisco

September 25, 2004

shark ↗+

Awwwww! Thanks so much guys! You are the best friends ever. (Sorry I moved back so soon!). I started to put my gifts away and they were all like "No, no, no. After all the time we spent rounding that stuff up, you're wearing it at the party, CALIFORNIA BOY!"

moving to san francisco going away party: part one

August 24, 2004

Grant was digging it, though. And speaking of transformations, when did Grant transform into...

moving to san francisco going away party: part one

August 24, 2004

Tinny wasn't a fan of the transformation.

moving to san francisco going away party: part one

August 24, 2004

When you're following Grant on the karaoke stage, you always gotta bring out the crowd pleasers.

moving to san francisco going away party: part one

August 24, 2004

I'm not sure I handed my camera over to at this point but as you'll be able to see over the next few pics, they managed to grab some clutch snaps. I didn't even know I was capable of making a face like this. (Check out Leigh in the background losing her shit. Hahaha).

doug visits town

August 22, 2004

Know what I'm saying? (The best part of this photo is Meredith holding onto Sarah's hand like she needs some support).

doug visits town

August 22, 2004

Ummm, thanks Meredith.

friday the 13th with meredith and leigh

August 13, 2004

When Leigh and I met up with Meredith on the street, she was holding a shopping bag and laughing. Apparently, my birthday present that she'd told me was being "specially made" had finally arrvied and she informed me that she was going to "make me wear it out tonight." Well, Meredith's present turned out to be this uber-classy shirt that says "P is for Pussy" on the front (complete with a picture of the cookie monster doing the internation sign for pussy-eating)...

friday the 13th with meredith and leigh

August 13, 2004

Same picture, but this time someone managed to sneak in a crafty 'FUCK YOU, BIRTHDAY BOY" finger into the mix.' Hahaha.

my 28th birthday at misshapes

August 07, 2004

Gavin and I locked in a deadly karaoke battle.

karaoke at amy's friend's birthday party

August 06, 2004

Me back at home post-shower doing my (sunburnt) impression of Clark Kent.

playing hooky at the beach with meredith

August 04, 2004

sunburn ↗+

And then this naughty boy got what's been coming to him for a long time.

the july roundup: part two

July, 2004

A litter later in the evening we ran into Evan, Grant's former Nerve intern from years ago who now runs Block Magazine out of Brooklyn. (Whom I totally fucking assassinated with one of the best "get a load of this fucking guy" finger-points in the history of the sport. Hahahahah).

the july roundup: part one

July, 2004

...Karen's 23rd birthday! Wooo! I brought her a six-pack of Sparks to help instigate some birthday trouble (more on that later...hehehe). The day after the party, I took all my pics and posted them into a "sneak peek" gallery for Karen (because she assumed, correctly I might add, that it would be "like six months" before I finally got around to posting them here).

Anyway, somehow a photo editor at Rolling Stone saw this pic and wanted to use it for a blurb about Sparks in an upcoming "What's Hot" issue. I was stoked. A day later, she realized that Sarah is an editor at Spin and apparently didn't want to prominently feature and editor from a competitive magazine doing something "hot." She went back through my pics and found another photo of people drinking Sparks that Sarah wasn't in and asked if she could use that instead. "Well, Sarah's not in that photo, but the problem is: I'm not either." (And hey, I wanted to be doing something "hot" in Rolling Stone, ok?) So I asked her, "What if I can figure out a way to hide Sarah?" She was like "I don't even know what you're talking about." That is, until I sent her...

brunch and karens 23rd birthday party at misshapes

June 26, 2004

We tried a few different camera techiniques but failed to duplicate the "golden coronosphere" lighting effect around the edges of the wig.

the june roundup

June, 2004

wig ↗+

Hahahah. Who?

the june roundup

June, 2004

Hey ladies, do you like our manly cut-off jean short legs?

a lazy sunday in the park

May 16, 2004

I don't even think I made it up to sing. Oh wait...who cares!

tax day and movie party karaoke

April 15, 2004

Speaking of pimping, this lady was walking around the party and people kept coming up to her and kissing her ass. After watching her run shit for like 20 minutes, I finally couldn't take the expense. I walked up to her and told her that I loved her outfit and asked if I could take a pic. She was like "But of course!" Afterwards, I was like, I hope this doesn't offend you, but who are you? She was like "Not at all, darling. I am Zelda. I'm a fashion designer." Does anyone out there know who this lady is? Or did someone's grandma get into some extra fabric and use it to escape a nearby nursing home?

tax day and movie party karaoke

April 15, 2004

And then we went to some cool park to shoot the shit and catch up. After eating, we only had about ninety minutes to hang out before I had to head to the airport to catch my flight home.

sxsw part two: more bands and visiting tara

March 20, 2004

tara ↗+

When you do the Jovi right, girls can't help but touch their boobies! Hot damn!

seth's surprise party part two karaoke and afterhours

March 13, 2004

Check out my blinging imitation Oakley Blades. You're wet, aren't you? (PS - Sarah pointed out that my dad looks like the dad from the Family Guy and I haven't been able to look at him without smiling since).

skiing in vt and seth's surprise party

March 11, 2004

...that's right. The one thing my mom forgot to mention was that all of the ski clothes that they had were purchased at the height of the eighties' fluorescent colors craze. Check us out! (You may need to dim your monitor's brightness setting in order to do so).

skiing in vt and seth's surprise party

March 11, 2004

Hahahah. Holy shit. Fatty and I spent the next 20 minutes voguing while Pappi played Helmut Newton.

skiing in vt and seth's surprise party

March 11, 2004

fatty ↗+

Hahaha. Buddy's photographer friend emailed me this pic a few days later. Check me out rocking with a can of beer. I look like a Pabst's commercial. After karaoke I headed over to Lit to see what was shaking.

the february roundup

February, 2004

dance ↗+

Yay, new friends! (Clockwise from Scott: Lorainne, me, Alexandra and Inge).

aruba vacation part 1: leaving nyc and first night in aruba

January 22, 2004

Here's Scott and I at 10am on Thursday morning leaving my apartment for the airport.

aruba vacation part 1: leaving nyc and first night in aruba

January 22, 2004

Take two! This time with more attitude and less Ken.

new year's eve

December 31, 2003

You know him, you love him. Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together and give a warm welcome to Chi-Chi's Mexican Mall Strip's very own, Music Man Jo-Jo Russell! (Yo, y'all may remember Jo Jo from entries like "Thanksgiving 2002," the good news is, his long-promised website is finally up and running!)

christmas with the fam

December 23, 2003

"Now throw your hands in the air and scream!"

christmas with the fam

December 23, 2003

Leila took a quick break from her make out sesh to writhe and gratuitously cup her breasts next to me on stage while I sang. Thanks for that, hon. Motley Crue karaoke just isn't the same without a girl on the stage touching herself and shimmying suggestively.

back to back sid & buddy karaoke

November 19, 2003

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...quickly digressed into another Sears' Catalog-inspired photo shoot. "Look! Over there!" "No! Look over there!"

european vacation part 8: scooter madness!

October 25, 2003

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Turns out, the highway was way less scary than the little road we'd been riding through town. On the little road, we were forced to ride in the sketchy, pothole ridden shoulder, where we constantly had to worry about cars pulling out in front of us and dogs that were running around in the street. But on the highway there was hardly any traffic and the shoulder was wide and smoothly paved. (By the way, you know you totally love my wind-styled Farrah Fawcett wings. They're the latest in cycling fashion.)

european vacation part 8: scooter madness!

October 25, 2003

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Live Show gets the thumbsdown! Here's us in the parking lot trying to assess the financial damage. Our four Russian "strippers" managed to fleece the four of us for a grand total of €120 in less than 20 minutes! And we still didn't manage to see any heines! We hopped in the car to drive the remaing 1/4 mile back to our resort, and in the moment of silence after we were finished laughing hysterically at what had just happened we all heard Grant say quietly to himself: "Hmmmmm. A hundred Euros, eh?" Hahahahaha.

european vacation part 7: first day in crete!.

October 24, 2003

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Here's the last pic I took before the air temperature forced me to stash my camera and make a beeline for the insanely awesome 110°F water.

european vacation part 3: the blue lagoon

October 21, 2003

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Me. ("Smoosh it good!")

the october roundup

October, 2003

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the october roundup

October, 2003

This was the best part, I was standing really close to him with my nuts out and all of sudden he woke up. He seemed started to find me standing so close to him and and was like "What's up?" So I said to him enthusiastically, "Nothing, dude! You're rocking the fuck out, that's what! Let's take a picture together!" He jumped up and with like "Ok!" So that's how I turned an "Almost Got My Ass Kicked" situtation into the greatest "You Don't Know You're Posing With My Balls But You Are" picture of all time.

karaoke blowout

September 21, 2003

...and here's my bringing it home to mommie. Check out Tiffany's face...sooooo funny.

central park, the candy shop and sarah d's party

September 06, 2003

tiffany ↗+

That is until he got next to her and forced his alcohol-impaired, little eyes to focus for a second. Actually, forget the dim light, s/he's actually pretty hot regardless of what she may (or may not be) packing downstairs.

pick up lines at the ford modeling party

August 13, 2003

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Big Daddy tearing it up with Huey Lewis' seminal "I Want a New Drug." Homeboy kicked it so hard he needed not one, but two blonde, hula-clad male dancers. Check out that face; the urgency - can't you see how much Big Daddy wants that new drug?

karaoke with brett

August 09, 2003

Here's a video of the kiss. It's a bummer because you have to tilt your head to the left and because you can only see the kiss clearly for one split-second when the flash goes off, but it's still totally worth watching just so you can hear that Sexual Healing by Mr. Marvin Gaye was playing on the jukebox when this all went down. Hahahaha.

my 27th birthday party

August 08, 2003

...tongue kissed a sixty-seven year old woman.

my 27th birthday party

August 08, 2003

...and then the next thing I know, out of the blue, she's giving my bum the old double-handed grab. (I mean, check out her expression, she's making the "ooooooh" face and everything. Bonus points to Grant for catching this shit with the cam).

my 27th birthday party

August 08, 2003

I was trying to take a video of us rocking out but took a picture instead and managed to capture us in the midst of some pretty serious MetalFaces (check out Fatty pretending to play kit in the background with his DrummerFAce in full effect. Hahaha).

boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc

August 01, 2003

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Seth was kind enough to offer me a sip of his water as a chaser. Only after a I swallowed did I realize his "water" was actually a glass of vodka with just a little bit of ice. A real prince among men, I tell ya.

boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night

August 01, 2003

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After months of getting people to willingly pose with my balls, it was time to try something new: getting unsuspecting people to unknowingly pose with my balls. I discreetly whipped out my bag, and grabbed one of our new friends for a picture. I handed off the cam to Seth who totally shit the bed by not managing to get my balls in the pic. Doh! The rest of the guys in the pic (Check out Grant and Franks' faces) were laughing so hard that the girl in the black shirt was totally confused...

boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night

August 01, 2003

This guy was one of the only people there that fit-in with the rest of the crowd less than we did. I mean, c'mon, homeboy was wearing a leather vest! I went up to him and told him that he bore an uncanny resemblance to my brother-in-law (you know, the guy that married my non-existent sister) and asked if I could take his pic (when all I really wanted was a pic of his leather vest). Anyway, he turned out to be the nicest guy in the world and we ended up hanging out with him the rest of the night (and I got the pic of his leather vest, taboot).

boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach

August 01, 2003

We showed off our "French Faces." What eez zee poin? Ehhh?

the august roundup

August, 2003

Au revoir pour toujours, ma petite tomate!

the august roundup

August, 2003

A few weeks prior, I had tried to nuzzle Sarah's boobies while we were cutting rug at P.Diddy's party and she ran away. But this time, sweet, sweet success. Hahahaha.

fort tilden and sarah's roof party

July 20, 2003

Ok, this photo's a bit redundant, but I only included it because check out Fatty surreptitiously making faces at his date. Hahahaha.

fort tilden and sarah's roof party

July 20, 2003

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"Must like sushi, long walks on the beach...oh, and one mo' thing: shouldn't steal my stuff." New York City, I love you so much.

impromtu karaoke with tracy morgan

July 11, 2003

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Copious ammounts of boardwalk junk food lead to one thing...

the fourth of july

July 04, 2003

Me with my grilled skirt steak (served with cumin-spiced fries, string beans, piquillo peppers and tomato chimichurri).

saturday park dinner at suba and karaoke

June 28, 2003

food ↗+

I spent most of Monday in meetings for work. Tara spend most of Monday getting incredibly sunburnt at the hotel pool. Ouchie. After meeting up, we set out on the strip to explore some more.

bidness in vegas

June 15, 2003

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Watch those lil' fingers, Sweetpea!

memorial day out in nj

May 26, 2003

jolie ↗+
bite ↗+

C'mon in a get yer noodie pic taken! Don't worry, it's art!

emma's 30th birthday: part two

May 21, 2003

Josh, Grant and myself with Jess and her "two friends." (Dennis Crowley said it best in a recent email: "this may be one of the best photos ever snapped with a digicam.")

emma's 30th birthday: part two

May 21, 2003

GUN SHOW! After this pic of Nina and I was taken, Josh looked at it and said to Grant, "Whoa, gross. I can't belive you used to hump Brian's sister."

emma's 30th birthday: part two

May 21, 2003

Bwa-haha.

sid & buddy karaoke

May 19, 2003

What, you don't believe me? See those two smoking hot, blonde hula girls? Yeah, that's right! They got so hot and bothered by my karaoke jam that right after i was done singing they took me in the bathroom and I totally got down with both of them! So who's gay now, huh? Huh?

sid & buddy karaoke

May 19, 2003

You know what baby's got...

sid & buddy karaoke

May 19, 2003

Special Guest Commentary from Grant Stoddard via IM: "As we learned early on, the main perk of bartending is having total control of the juke box *and* full license to play air guitar along to the metal anthems you select."

(Major bonus points taken away from whoever took this pic and managed to almost crop me completely out while I'm making what looks like it could've been the best "metal face" I've ever pulled. Curse you!)

guest bartending at iggy's keltic lounge

May 08, 2003

Brett with the fam.

brett's college graduation

May 05, 2003

What's better than this picture? Seriously.

the may roundup

May, 2003

Oh, wait. This picture, that's what.

the may roundup

May, 2003

Don't even get me started on the whole fucking mesh, trucker-hat phenomenon again. Suffice it to say that for a short while it was so out of hand that I actually resorted to having this shirt made up.

the may roundup

May, 2003