This is my favorite picture. I think that expression he's wearing is what you'd call "genuine panic." (Which you'd be wearing too if a giant, well-trainer wrestler was putting you in a "small package.")
Before I had to go back to the conference on Friday morning, Sarah took me over to a restaurant called "Bennett's Smut n' Eggs." This is a breakfast-oriented diner that has TVs all over the place playing hardcore pornography.
Before heading out of town, Sarah and I went joyriding in the pimpmobile one last time (and I snapped this amazing photo of her as we drove past some WWII airplane monument - it's one of my favoritest pics of all time).
This guy fucking rocked. He was all walking aroun in the disco lights in full KISS costume. It wasn't until my flash went off that I realized he was wearing a monochromatic, pink KISS outfit.
Right when I got off the highway and into Boston, I called Kate to ask where I should meet her. Answering the phone, she barely managed to slur a hello. Turns out a few hours earlier, she had been trying to light a match without removing it from the matchbook (kids, let this be a lesson) and the whole book ignited burning her hand pretty badly. She and her roommate Erin promptly headed to the bar across the street to try to ease the pain. By the time I showed up - she was definitely no longer feeling any pain. Here's Kate right after we got back to her place.
Check out the Coin-op fortune lady getting all protective o'er her bottle of Bacardi! That's the thing about Coney Island, they always keeping it real out there. You know what I'm sayin?
Grant was getting sentimental watching all the little kids get swung around by one of the Dads there. Hating to see him down, I was happy to indulge him in a little trip down memory lane.
After getting Brian settled in, Mark had to pick up this life-sized painting a friend did of Mark with a giant boner. She says it's called "Virile Poet." I get chills just looking at it. (Actual boner digitally enlarged 2.8x for your enjoyment).
...only because this photo is the greatest. Look at who's large and in charge at the back of the caboose. Frances in the muthafucking hizzouse, you know what I'm sayin?
Dave G (The Ladies' Choice) has got to get with the program! He's all in the background making his "Party Guy Face" when we clearly told him that it was a "Blue Steel" moment.
What's tougher than this picture? Two insanely hot girls, and two people pointing while he still manages to throw down in time for the camera. According to Matty, "The dj booth is padded...just in case you go insane." Hahaha.
Holy Sweet Mother of God. There's no caption that can be written that can make this picture any funnier. So I'm just going to shut up and give Josh the score he deserves.
Score: 11 out of 10
...potential Birthday Make-Out Sesh is suddenly confirmed in a bold, leg-extending move my Megan. Vin can only cover his mouth, blush, and giggle like the little schoolgirl-bitch he is. (Hehe. Bless his heart, that's the look of a man who has just realized that he's been chosen to provide Bday nookie.)
On the way home from Cherry Tavern, a well liquored Josh Teixeira took it upon himself to start attacking people Wolverine-style with a discarded Xmas tree he found lying on the side walk.
Let me ask you sumptin, how real do Tyler's fake titties look? We made these crazy-ass real-looking boobs by taking yellow balloons and adding red M&M's for nipples. (Is it wrong that this picture sorta gives me a chubby?)
Now Scott and I had spent many an hour compiling lists of things we would do if, per chance, we were ever given our very own midget. So we didn't waste any time and got right down to the activity at the top of our list: finding out just how much alcohol a midget can actually consume.
Two screwdrivers later, the midget was still ambulatory (and dancing up a storm) So we decided it was time to step things up a notch...and started buying him shots. Of Tequilla. Cheap Tequilla. Cheap Bar Tequilla...which he drank with no further prompting from us, on the dancefloor. (Note girl in white shirt in the background laughing and pointing.) Tequilla makes all kinds of people do crazy stuff. We couldn't wait to see what it would make the midget do...
Er, sort of....but he got an "A+" for effort in my book. (You should've seen his little midget legs pumping to the beat as he attempted "the scramble." Priceless.
...turns out, tequila makes midgets break dance. I shit you not, the minute he finished his first shot, this midget, this fifty-something-year-old barely-speaks-any-English, drunk, midget, starts God-honest break dancing.
Yeah, I know. I fit right in. The only thing I can say in my defense is that this photo was taken way out of context. I wasn't making a Backstreet Boy Face on purpose! In fact, if you look at the original photo from which this headshot was taken you'll see that my expression is actually a....
Because Em & Lo were too preoccupied to take photos of us dancing, I lifted these next few photos off of Cake's website (they were all taken by Jenny Schulder). Grant ran out on stage, screamed "My name is Daniel-san!" in the mic, did a jump kick, opened up his karate jacket and then proceeded to rip off the tee-shirt he was wearing underneath! So tough!
Look, my clothes aren't even off yet and all the ladies've got their money ready! Aw yeah, boyee. (Too bad they all put their money away once I started getting naked...).
...and when that didn't get an immediate response, I upped the ante with "beefcake" version (check out Grant's sassy, coy lil' smile! Tee-hee!) ...and SHA-POW! It worked. Grant and I got the green light: we were going to become male strippers.
Growing more beligerent with each drink she downed, she eventually called us "manwhores" and stormed away because we apparently weren't giving her the attention that she deserved. (And in all fairness to her, considering she bought three rounds of drinks for both Grant and I at $10 a drink, she probably had a right to be unhappy...we're definitely not worth $60!)
Magnum Motherfucking P.I.! (P.I. = Pimped Investigator, bee-eye-atch!) This shot was taken at my place right before we left for the party. I chose to pose in front of the Hawaiian mural that covers that back wall of our Tikki Living Room.
Nina, Grant and Viola. Grant's horns came off because he was so fervently making out with Nina...see how she's missing make up and he's got white shit all over his face? Where's her hand anyway? Jesus!
Well, three steps into his "run," the board let out a loud "CRACK" and Grant bailed (like we all knew he would). Again, check out Ross screaming with laughter in the background.
This photo is the one we went with for the Photo Greeting Card. The rule was that when you smiled, both your top and bottom rows of teeth had to be visible. Otherwise it wasn't a true "Holiday Cheer" smile.
Day Six: One of the bartenders at our resort was originally from Boston. He and his girlfriend randomly decided one day to pack up everything and move to St. Thomas. They offered to take us and some other couples a little older than us out to one of the local beaches that day and we gladly accepted.
On day five we took the ferry over to St. John's to check out some of the other beaches. This pic was taken on the shuttle that took us from the ferry to the beach.
We decided that if we didn't have an embarrassing picture of Frency,
we'd invent one. So we decided to make Geoff NAMBLA'S Member of the
Year. For those of you not "in the know," NAMBLA is the North
American Man/Boy Love Association.
(No, I'm not kidding.)
This was taken way late in the night. Here we see Vin's crazy ex-girlfriend Kusum doing a keg stand in her little hooker-shirt. Haaaaaaaaa! What a dork! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Only kidding, Kusum. (Yeah, right! Dork.)
Allie takes Ryan's pants off leaving him writhing on my floor in front of all of his friends in his Tighty-Whities. Yikes. After all of this, Allie left (as did about half the party because they were traumatized). But anyway, the hardcore friends stuck around and we still had a great time. (largely in part because of Matty who kept the music coming. Thanks Matt.)
So then, she starts taking off some of Ryan's clothes (which caused most of us in the audience to practically wet our pants). First, unbuttoning his jacket and then in one swift move, ripping his shirt off.
Taken in Vin's old room at the Crackhouse during a party, Kasum tries to lick one of the 40oz's in my pocket while I'm busy pretending to be tought. (Hombre es loco, esse. Word.)
I edited together all the video footage into a seven-minute movie! Thanks for having me along, everyone! It was like the summer-camp for grown-ups I've always dreamed about and I had an awesome time! <3
I edited together this montage of some choice cuts of the hits from the evening. (My favorite moment is Fatty's expression at 3:20) Enjoy! Track listing:
1. Christmas Wrapping
2. I Can't Go for That
3. Christmas Wrapping (part 2)
4. Head Over Heels
5. Plush
6. Peace on Earth / Ziggy Stardust
7. Let's Go
8. Fairytale Of New York
9. Creep
10. Don't You Want Me
11. Do They Know It's Christmas?
