On Tuesday evening, we grabbed our bags (one bag each!) and hopped a cab to JFK. Look who's so excited about vacation! This one! ˆ meredith ˆ excited ˆ taxi ˆ

And this one! ˆ me ˆ taxi ˆ

See you in a month, New York! ˆ skyline ˆ

Everything was going smoothly until we tried to check in and the woman at the ticket counter had no record of us in the computer. I gave her the confirmation number for our flights and she nodded, "Oh, here you are! You weren't coming up because your flight LEFT YESTERDAY!" That's when I realized that in all my efforts to coordinate our arrival date in Dubai with Bernadette, I'd somehow mixed up what day our flight left NYC. "Hi, I'm an idiot!"

The woman at the ticket counter told us she'd "See what she could do." And then we spent the next 20 minutes in nail-biting agony trying not to freak the fuck out while she pecked away at her keyboard in silence. If she couldn't get us on a flight that day, we didn't even have a place to stay in NYC because we'd sublet our apartment! Arrrgh!

Thankfully, a couple minutes later, the ticket-lady suddenly exclaimed "Done! You're all set!" and handed us our boarding passes! ˆ tickets ˆ

Meredith excited about the fact that we would spend the night sleeping on the plane instead of on Sarah's couch. ˆ meredith ˆ eyes ˆ tickets ˆ

Fast-forward another two hours or so and we're in the air over New York City and headed for the United Arab Emirates! ˆ airplane ˆ map ˆ

Delicious veggie airplane dinner! ˆ airplane ˆ food ˆ

Fast-forward another ten hours and it's breakfast time! ˆ airplane ˆ food ˆ

Wakey wakey! Time for morning coffee! ˆ meredith ˆ airplane ˆ

My eyes feel like tired! ˆ me ˆ airplane ˆ

We landed in Dubai on Wednesday around 7pm local time. We got off the plane and headed all the way across the ENORMOUS Dubai airport. We finally got over to immigration on the other side of the airport and Meredith realized that she no longer had her passport with her. Since she needed it to get on the plane, we figured that it must have just fallen out of her bag and was somewhere on the floor of the plane.

So we found a security desk and they called the gate and the woman at the gate said she'd go on the plane and look for it so we should just sit tight. Ten minutes later, she calls back and says "Well, I just went through the whole area you were sitting in and it's not there. Sorry." DOH!

We spent the next several hours trying to find someone with enough authority to let us reboard the plane and search ourselves - but we had no luck. Three hours had passed at this point and we'd just learned that our plane had been refueled and would soon be headed back to JFK. If we couldn't figure out a way to get the passport, we would end up spending the next two nights in the airport until the US Embassy opened back up, and even then, there's a chance that they'd make us fly back to NYC. Ugh.

Every time we found a new person willing to hear us out, they'd call down to the gate and they'd end up reaching the same woman and she'd just be like "I searched the plane. I'ts not there. I'm not looking again."

With the plane's departure growing ever closer, I finally figured it was time to stop dicking around with the airline and try to get in touch with Bernadette. I called her cell and she was worried sick about us because she knew that our plane had landed four hours ago (and that we were on the flight). She was worried that something had happened and we'd been arrested. (Dubai is notorious for its draconian drug laws - they sentenced a British man to FOUR YEARS IN JAIL because they found an amount of marijuana that weighed less than a single grain of sugar stuck in the sole of his shoe!).

We explained the situation to Bernadette and she was immediately like "My boss is a very powerful man in this country. I'm on the way to the airport now...I'll see what I can do." ˆ airplane ˆ airport ˆ

Right around midnight, exactly FIVE HOURS AFTER WE LANDED, Bernadette arrived at the airport and somehow managed to talk her way through security despite not having a passport or any airplane tickets with her! She spotted us (all greasy and grimy and dejected) and came over and said hi! Then I took this picture! After years of being friends online, this was the first time we'd met in person!

We sat down and told her the whole story and she told us not to worry because, "Mahmoun is on his way." I was like "It's midnight! Who's Mahmoun and what's he going to do?" Bernadette explained that he was a man who worked for her boss and that he was a "problem fixer." (Just like Mr. Wolf!!!)

Sure enough, about ten minutes later a very large, serious-looking Emirati man walked up to the armed guards at immigration and with a nod, they let the dude through! We were like "Whoa." Mahmoun came over to us, and asked us to tell him the problem (and he even whipped out a little pad to take notes just like Mr. Wolf!). After we'd finished explaining to him that we were almost 100% sure that the passport was still on the plane, he was like "Meredith you come with me. Bernatte and Brian, you wait here."

He came back like two minutes later with ten airline employees in tow and said something like "This airplane is supposed to fly back to New York in forty-five minutes, but it's not going anywhere until the passport that's on there is found. So let's go find it." Sure enough, just ten minutes later... ˆ biba ˆ me ˆ airport ˆ

...Meredith returned with her passport! (Look how happy she is!). And that's how our month-long vacation almost got completely derailed twice before it even began! (The first time being when I mixed up the dates and showed up to the airport A DAY LATE!). ˆ meredith ˆ airport ˆ happy ˆ passport ˆ

And that's how, after only 15 minutes of meeting her, Biba forever cemented her "LEGENDARY" status! ˆ biba ˆ airport ˆ

After we finally made it through immigration (around 1am!), Biba introduced us to her fiance Philip - who'd come with her to the airport and had been patiently waiting for us to get our nonsense resolved in a coffee shop! Philip and Bernadette took us to their amazing apartment and immediately suggested a shower and a swim to wash away all the airport cooties! ˆ pool ˆ

After our dip, we headed back up to their apartment Philip took us out onto the balcony to enjoy the warm desert night breeze and... ˆ meredith ˆ philip ˆ balcony ˆ

...their totally insane view of the man-made Dubai Marina! Stunning, right?

See all those buildings across the water? See how there are like 30 or 40 buildings that are each like 40 or 50 stories tall? Philip and Bernadette blew our minds when they told us that when they'd moved into their apartment about eighteen months ago there was only desert across the water from them! Every single one of those buildings you see sprung up in just eighteen months! That's pretty much Dubai in a nutshell. ˆ balcony ˆ dubai ˆ dubai marina ˆ

And because the weather in Dubai is too hot for construction work during the day, all the construction work is done at night! Here's a shot I took of a nearby apartment building that was being worked on! ˆ balcony ˆ dubai ˆ dubai marina ˆ

Bernadette picked up my cam and shot this photo of us. "Look! We're finally relaxed and able to enjoy vacation!" ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ balcony ˆ us ˆ

Middle-Eastern Mamma! ˆ biba ˆ towel ˆ

After drying off in the warm (hot!) breeze, we headed back inside and Bernadette put out a whopper of a spread for a midnight snack! ˆ food ˆ

Pringles...in Arabic! ˆ food ˆ pringles ˆ

After gorging ourselves, we still weren't tired (our internal clocks were all effed up!) Bernadette busted out the DVDs of the show How I Met Your Mother (which we'd never seen) and we stayed up late and watched a bunch of episodes. A little after 4am, this mouse passed out on the couch so I woke her (grumpy ass) up and we headed off to bed. ˆ meredith ˆ asleep ˆ

Philip had to work the next day, but Bernadette took off so that she could show us around town! Right when we walked out of their building into the parking garage I was like "Whoa, a Ferrari!" and I took this picture and Biba just looked at me like I'm crazy because in Dubai a Ferrari is about as rare as a Toyata Camry. Hahaha. ˆ ferarri ˆ

We pulled out of the garage and into the blistering Dubai heat! ˆ driving ˆ dubai ˆ

Biba at the wheel taking us to... ˆ driving ˆ dubai ˆ

...a nearby Lebanese restaurant for lunch. ˆ biba ˆ meredith ˆ

Check out the ridiculous spread we ordered up! ˆ food ˆ

Who's a coy little fugger? This one! ˆ biba ˆ food ˆ

After lunch, Bernadette took us down Jumeirah Road so that we could visit her boss' house which I was REALLY, REALLY excited to see. Here's the world-famous Jumeirah Mosque that we passed en route.

But before we get to her boss' house, I should probably tell a little back-story so that you'll understand just why I was excited to see it!

As I mentioned earlier, Bernadette and I corresponded for years online before meeting up IRL (that's what an acronym we internerds use that means In Real Life!). Here's the random story of how we met! One day Biba was bored and somehow ended up stumbling upon an entry on this website from one night that I went out with Emma and Hannah Taylor from way back in 2001. She emailed me to say hi and tell me that we had friends in common and after that, we'd occasionally see each other online and chat a bit.

Sometime later, Biba left London and took a job in Dubai as the assistant to a sheikh - because of the NYC-Dubai time difference, she was always online when I was online (because I'm an insomniac and I'm up half the night) so we started chatting pretty much every day. Her new boss is one of the richest dudes in the world (literally) and she'd always have CRAZY stories about her new job and life in Dubai in general.

One night/day we were chatting and she was suddenly like "I've got to go! I'm being attacked by a giant cat!" I thought it was a weird way to end the conversation, so I asked her about it the next day and she explained "My boss likes to raise 'big cats' that he gives as gifts to other sheikhs and dignitaries. But recently, he's started a few of them to the office every day because he loves to see people freak out when they come to his office for meetings!" Since we were always joking around about the excess in Dubai, I wasn't sure if she was pulling my leg, but then a few days later I received an email:

"Hey guys! Just thought I should share with you what I tend to get up to on a normal working day at my office..."

...the first one was a picture of Biba getting attacked by a lion in her boss' office! I was totally blown away. I saw that she was online and was immediately like "OMG! I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDDING ABOUT LIONS AND CHEETAHS AT YOUR OFFICE! WTF?" ˆ biba ˆ lion ˆ

The other two photos were equally amazing. The second one was of a baby cheetah licking her nose! Oh, you think I'm kidding about the fact that this baby cheetah is actually licking her nose? Well, how about we zoom in a bit! ˆ biba ˆ cheetah ˆ lick ˆ

See? How effing ridiculous is that? ˆ biba ˆ cheetah ˆ lick ˆ

And the last photo was of her just chilling with the lion. The first photo's great because its all attacking her, but this photos great because you can see her liony face and you're just like "Holy fuck. That's a lion!. ˆ biba ˆ lion ˆ

Ok, so now that you understand why I was SO EXCITED to visit the house, let's continue! We got to the house and a the gate opened and we drove into a courtyard that was filled with all sorts of priceless statues and fountains. ˆ palace ˆ statue ˆ

We parked the car, and headed to the door and when we went inside... ˆ statue ˆ

...it was like a museum! The place was literally cluttered with priceless antiques... ˆ palace ˆ

...and statues... ˆ palace ˆ statue ˆ

...and weapons! Like, this 12th-century crossbow. You know, just laying around on the table. ˆ crossbow ˆ palace ˆ

Right next to a bunch of vases and flint-lock rifles from the 1700s! ˆ palace ˆ rifle ˆ

We also go to the library and see his insanely huge collection of rare books...some of which were bound in human skin! (I thought that was just some crazy Nazi shit, but apparently this was pretty common back when books were first starting out!) ˆ book ˆ

On a lighter note, it was in the library that we got to meet... ˆ dogs ˆ

...Foxy the Pomeranian! Hahahaha. Best photo ever! After the library, Bernadette took us out back so that we could meet... ˆ meredith ˆ dogs ˆ

...the cheetahs! I love this photo because you're like "Holy fuck! Not only is that a cheetah, that's a FEROCIOUS cheetah!" but in reality, this is just a photo of cheetah yawning! ˆ cheetah ˆ

They were actually sweet like little baby lambs! Bernadette was hoping that we'd be able to take them out and play with them, but the pens were locked and the man who takes care of them was out on errands and wasn't going to be back for a couple of hours. We didn't want to wait around that long... ˆ biba ˆ cheetah ˆ

...so instead we pet their noses through the fence. ˆ meredith ˆ cheetah ˆ

"Hi! Does you like your little baby cheetah nose rubbed?" ˆ cheetah ˆ

Here's me giving one of them a real good ear scratchin. ˆ me ˆ cheetah ˆ

Not only was I blown away by how friendly they were, I was also blown away by how much their faces looked just like Chester Cheetah! ˆ best ˆ cheetah ˆ

Here's me risking a finger just so that I can say "I touched a cheetah fang! I touched a cheetah fang!" ˆ best ˆ cheetah ˆ

After saying goodbye to the cheetahs, we left Biba's boss' house, drove right past the tallest hotel in the world, the Burj Al Arab... ˆ burj al arab ˆ dubai ˆ

...to go to Wild Wadi Water Park! ˆ wild wadi ˆ

Home of the Jumeirah Sceirah (pronounced "scare-uh"...get it?), which, according to Wikipedia, is "the tallest and fastest free-fall water slide outside of North America. Rising to 33 m (110 ft) with riders reaching speeds up to 80 km/h (50 mph)." It doesn't look that big in this photo, but this thing is huge. It's basically like taking a waterslide down from the roof of a ten-story building. After I went down this, I pretty much needed a yardstick to dig my bathing suit out of my asshole. Fun! ˆ jumeirah sceirah ˆ wild wadi ˆ

On to the park! ˆ map ˆ wild wadi ˆ

I locked my camera up in a locker, but Bernadetta bought a disposable waterproof camera so we could still take pics! Ha! Here's me getting ready to try to stand up in the surfing simulator...I ate shit about 3 seconds after this photo was snapped. ˆ me ˆ surf ˆ

After the surfing thingy, we hit Juha's Journey - it was basically a huge fake river that went all the way around the park (almost a quarter-mile). ˆ biba ˆ meredith ˆ tubin ˆ

We just relaxed in our tubes and floated all the way around the park. ˆ me ˆ tubin ˆ

Hahaha. ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ us ˆ

After Juha's Journey, we hit the wave pool for some swimming and body surfing... ˆ dubai ˆ pool ˆ

...and goofy underwater photos. ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ pool ˆ underwater ˆ us ˆ

Hahaha. ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ pool ˆ us ˆ

After the wave pool, we spent some time watching a GINORMOUS hinged-bucket at the top of a tower slowly fill up...as the water neared the top of the bucket, the water would cause the bucket to swing on its hinge and tens of thousands of gallons of water would come crashing down on the crowd. Fun!

While I never imagined that I'd find myself in Dubai, I certainly never imagined that I'd find myself at a water park in Dubai! Thanks for taking us, Beebs! ˆ biba ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ

After toweling off and getting changed back into dry clothes, Meredith called her friend Faisal and he confirmed that he'd be driving from Abu Dhabi to Dubai to come visit later in the evening! Here's Bernadette on the phone explaining how to get to her apartment in Dubai because, get this, there isn't a standard address system in Dubai. Stop for a minute and let that sink in. Seriously, how crazy is that. All mail is delivered to PO Boxes. If you need something delivered to an actual address, all of the boxes and shipped labels there have a huge blank rectangle on them so that you can draw a map of where you are. ˆ biba ˆ meredith ˆ

Back at Philip and Bernadette's place, I took day time pics of the view of the Marina from their balcony. ˆ balcony ˆ dubai ˆ dubai marina ˆ

The whole place is still pretty much under constant construction. ˆ balcony ˆ dubai ˆ dubai marina ˆ

Or at least it was when we were there - they build things so quickly they're probably all finished by now! Exhausted after a long day of water-sliding and cheetah-fang-touching in the hot Dubai sun, after taking these pics, we all turned in for a pre-dinner nap! ˆ balcony ˆ dubai ˆ dubai marina ˆ

Later that night, Faisal arrived from Abu Dhabi! These two hadn't seen each other in over two years! ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ excited ˆ

Phil, Faisal (making the best face ever) and Meredith out on the balcony. ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ philip ˆ balcony ˆ

After pre-gaming at the apartment for a bit, a little after 10pm we headed over to a huge hotel complex called Madinat Jumeirah for dinner. ˆ boat ˆ madinat jumeirah ˆ

Madinat Jumeirah is ridiculous even by Dubai's standards. It's a resort that takes up an entire kilometer of the coast and the entire thing is connected by man-made waterways. Here's the "water taxi" that showed up to take us from the lobby to the restaurant. ˆ biba ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ boat ˆ madinat jumeirah ˆ

Here are some crappy shots that I tried to take of all the restaurants and stores that are along the "banks" of the waterways. ˆ madinat jumeirah ˆ

The entrance to one of the other restaurants. ˆ madinat jumeirah ˆ

One of the private "royal villas." If you look in the background, you can see the Burj Al Arab. ˆ madinat jumeirah ˆ

Philip and Bernadette took us to a Moroccan place called Shoo Fee Ma Fee (which means something like "What's happening?" in Arabic). ˆ shoo fee ma fee ˆ

The menu was insanity. Just look at some of the dishes! A pastry with pigeon, almonds, eggs, cinnamon and icing? ˆ menu ˆ shoo fee ma fee ˆ

Bernadette, Meredith and Faisal getting their chow on. ˆ biba ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ food ˆ pretty ˆ shoo fee ma fee ˆ

Philip and me snuggling up on the other side of the table. ˆ me ˆ philip ˆ

After dinner we went out onto the roof deck and ordered shishas! ˆ faisal ˆ shisha ˆ

Mmmmmmm, smoky. ˆ meredith ˆ philip ˆ shisha ˆ

After lazing around and digesting for a while, we finally got motivated to get up and get going. On the way out, someone was nice enough to take a pic of all of us together. ˆ biba ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ philip ˆ

As we were leaving, we all kept remarking how cool the Burj Al Arab looked at night and finally Biba was like "Let's figure out how to get down to the beach from here and get a closer look at it!" ˆ burj al arab ˆ dubai ˆ madinat jumeirah ˆ

So we wandered around the hotel complex crossing all sorts of bridges that went over all the waterways trying to figure out how to get closer to the beach (without rousing the suspicion of any of the many guards patrolling the place). ˆ madinat jumeirah ˆ

After wandering around for like 10 minutes, we finally made it down to the beach...and it was so worth it! It's hard to tell from these photos, but the view of the hotel from the beach was incredible! ˆ beach ˆ burj al arab ˆ

VICTORY IS OURS! Faisal was nice enough to take this photo of the four of us together, so I returned the favor by taking a photo... ˆ biba ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ philip ˆ beach ˆ burj al arab ˆ

...of everybody jumping in the air! Hahaha. Too bad the flash blacked-out the hotel in the background. (And I to censor Mer's hoohah!) ˆ biba ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ philip ˆ beach ˆ best ˆ jump ˆ

Me alone in front of the hotel. Hahaha. Right after we took all these photos, Biba yet again raised the stakes and was like "Let's all strip down and go SWIMMING!" I was like "Uh, isn't that a bad idea? First of all, we're drunk in a country that frowns upon drinking, second of all, we're trespassing on a five-star hotel's private beach, and third of all, that sign right there clearly says 'No Swimming,' as if all that weren't bad enough, you want us to strip down in a country that totally frowns upon any type of public nudity?" Then we all started hysterically cackling and throwing off our clothes and running into the water. ˆ me ˆ beach ˆ burj al arab ˆ

The ride back to Bernadette and Phil's was a soggy, gritty, sandy affair, but at least we didn't get caught! We stayed up super late playing a trivia video game called "Buzz." ˆ biba ˆ meredith ˆ videogames ˆ

I was so tired I apparently fell asleep mid-round with the buzzer in my hand. Hahaha. And that ends the most-epic first day of vacation I've ever had. (Can you believe that this all happened in one day???) ˆ tv ˆ videogames ˆ