We slept in on Friday. Here's Biba, Faisal and Meredith relaxing in Biba and Phil's amazing all-glass living room and trying to work up the motivation to do something. ˆ biba ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ

We stepped out onto the balcony so that we could admire the daytime view of the Dubai Marina. ˆ balcony ˆ dubai ˆ dubai marina ˆ skyline ˆ

Sooooo cool. ˆ balcony ˆ dubai ˆ dubai marina ˆ skyline ˆ

One thing that's crazy about Dubai is that because it's pretty much built in the middle of desert, everything gets covered in a fine layer of sand! We wiped this bean bag off the previous night, but just a couple hours later and it was already totally coated with dust again. And this is on a balcony ten stories up! ˆ beanbag ˆ dust ˆ

After we'd all showered and gotten dressed, we all piled into Faisal's (ridiculous) car. Destination: The Mall of the Emirates! ˆ faisal ˆ driving ˆ

Faisal's car was totally over the top. It had all sorts of features I didn't even know you could get in cars. Like behind the fold-down armrest in the backseat was this little door... ˆ car ˆ

...which turned out to be a MINI REFRIGERATOR! Whaaaat? ˆ car ˆ refrigerator ˆ

Biba's all like "Oh, that's standard here." Hahaha. ˆ biba ˆ driving ˆ thumbs up ˆ

Construction in Dubai happens so quickly that roads sometimes appear or disappear seemingly overnight. On the drive over to the mall, the desert was littered with all sorts of random "road flotsam" like this. Not sure if this one in particular was a sign of a road to come or a relic of a road left behind. ˆ construction ˆ

Like everything else in Dubai, the Mall of the Emirates is totally over the top. It was for a short time, the largest mall in the Emirates (and one of the largest in the world), but because Dubai's all about everyone always out-doing each other, it's already been eclipsed in size by two other malls!

It's also sort of a hub of the country's social scene. People don't just go to the mall to shop - they go there to socialize and be seen. ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ

And since you're trying to "be seen," why not roll up to the mall in your orange, costs-a-quarter-million-dollars Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera? ˆ car ˆ lamborghini ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ

Check out how ridiculous the entryway is! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ

I never thought that the fanciest chandelier I've ever seen would be inside a mall. The thing's like a thirty foot-long crystal jellyfish! ˆ chandelier ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ

After I was finished gawking at the mall's lobby (just like some gobsmacked huckleberry in Times Square for the first time), it was time to get our lunch on in a restaurant named Sezam (pronounced SHAZZAM!) Which is a giant "we have everything you can think of" type restaurant... ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ

...where we proceeded to order dishes simply because... ˆ meredith ˆ menu ˆ

...they were named after naughty lady-bits! ˆ menu ˆ

The lunch time crew! From the right: Philip, Biba, Faisal, Mer and Philip's friend. The food was great, but if you look in the background, you'll notice something more interesting than the food... ˆ biba ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ philip ˆ food ˆ

...like an indoor, winter-fucking-WONDERLAND! ˆ biba ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

That's right, the entire back wall of the restaurant was made of glass and it looked out onto Ski Dubai, the 250,000 sq. ft indoor downhill skiing and snow tubing complex! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

Here's a view of the stairs that lead up to one of the snow tube runs. ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

And here's a shot looking up one of the ski & snowboarding slopes! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

I was so fucking excited to go I could hardly finish my lunch! Here's Faisal and Biba about to enter a world of indoor skiing! (Everyone decided to ski except Meredith. She was like "I don't even like skiing outdoors...fuck that bullshit." Hahaha). ˆ biba ˆ faisal ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

The place was packed! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

The lift tickets included skis, boots and winter clothes (because NO ONE in Dubai even owns any type of clothing designed to keep you warm). Here's Philip getting suited up! ˆ philip ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

These two are READY. TO. SKIIIIIIII! ˆ biba ˆ philip ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

Check this noise out! After you get through the changing area, there's an escalator that takes you up to the base of the skiing and snowboarding section. Thumbs up (and crazy eyes!) from Faisal! ˆ faisal ˆ best ˆ escalator ˆ excited ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ thumbs up ˆ

Soooo excited! ˆ philip ˆ escalator ˆ excited ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

Me, still not totally able to believe that I'm about to go skiing, indoors, in the middle of a desert. ˆ me ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

The view from the top of the quad lift! ˆ biba ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

Philip and Biba getting ready to make the first run. ˆ biba ˆ philip ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

Even though the complex was crowded, the slope for skiing and snowboarding was pretty much empty. The majority of people were there to do snow tubing because they don't know how to ski or ride...you know, it being the middle of the fucking desert and everything.

If you've done any type of outdoor skiing, the place is kind of a joke. The longest run there is 400m (1,312 feet). The run starts here, and then down at the bottom of the hill, the slope makes a ninety degree turn to the right and curves around the top of the other chairlift you can see. ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

After you go around the turn, there's a section with "moguls" that's about the same length as the first part of the run. ˆ philip ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

Even doing my best to make as many turns as possible, the whole thing only takes about sixty seconds. But hey, I guess it's not bad for being INDOORS! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

Here's a group shot of the four of us doing our best to pretend that we're not freezing our fucking asses off! (We all laughed at the winter hats that were for sale because we figured "How cold can it really be in there?" Surprise, surprise! Turns out, if you want to keep snow in the desert from melting, you need a room that's really fucking cold.

After we'd finished skiing indoors, I didn't think that the mall would have any other tricks up its sleeve that would impress me...but that was only because I didn't know that the Mall of the Emirates is also home to... ˆ biba ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ philip ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ ski dubai ˆ

...an INDOOR AMUSEMENT PARK! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ rides ˆ robot ˆ

Check this jim-jam out! It's a giant robot arm that has a two-person ROLLER COASTER seat attached to where you'd expect to find the giant robot hand! Meredith and I watched it for like 10 seconds and then we were like, "Yes, I think we'll try that." ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ rides ˆ robot ˆ

This thing was RIDICULOUS! It wasn't so much of a ride as much as it was a robot-experiment in how much g-force humans can sustain without dying. No rhyme, no reason. Just a giant robo-arm whipping us around hurky-jerky and willy-nilly! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ rides ˆ robot ˆ video ˆ

When I got off the ride, both my eyes were completely bloodshot! The force of being whipped around and hanged upside-down for extended periods of time totally exploded a bunch of tiny capillaries in my eyes. Now that's what I call getting your "two tickets worth!" (Coney Island, I'm looking in your direction with disappointment). ˆ me ˆ bloodshot ˆ eyes ˆ

As we made our way further into the "arcade section," the next thing we stumbled across was this thing! A super-advanced racing-simulator! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ rides ˆ videogames ˆ

The driver is buckled into a racing seat that sits on a platform that's supported by four hydraulic legs that tilt, shake, vibrate and dip the "car" to mimic exactly what the car would feel like as you drive it on the track. ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ rides ˆ video ˆ

The girls weren't interested, but Philip and I were SO DOWN. Here we are getting ready to race! ˆ me ˆ philip ˆ

Check out the "windshield!" It was made up of three screens that wrapped around and fill your entire field of vision! ˆ me ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ racing ˆ rides ˆ videogames ˆ

Driving the thing was so realistic it was sort of terrifying. Hahaha. (Philip totally schooled my ass, btw). ˆ me ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ racing ˆ rides ˆ videogames ˆ

And just when I thought there was NO WAY things could get any better...we found this guy! ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ rides ˆ

No caption I can write will really do this ride justice. Not only was the ride awesome and huge, it was made all the better by the fact that it was hard for your brain to believe that something that big was operating indoors. ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ rides ˆ video ˆ

Needless to say, we road that shit like three times! Hahahah. After the mall, our original plan was to go to Bernadette's skeet shooting club, but we ended up losing track of time at the amusement park by the time we were ready to head out, the shooting club had already closed! So after the mall, we went out for an Italian dinner (where I strangely didn't take any photos)... ˆ biba ˆ philip ˆ mall of the emirates ˆ rides ˆ

...and then we went back to Philip and Bernadette's place to pack up our stuff! Thanks so much for being the best, best, best hosts ever! The offer to stay with us in NYC still stands - and we're going to have to work our asses off to even coming close to showing the kind of time you showed us! Thanks again! ˆ biba ˆ philip ˆ

After saying our goodbyes, we piled into Faisal's car a little after midnight... ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ car ˆ driving ˆ

...and set off for Faisal's house in Abu Dhabi! ˆ sign ˆ

We got to Faisal's house around 2am. Upon arriving... ˆ faisal ˆ car ˆ driving ˆ

...Faisal introduced us his family's dogs (Here's Meredith giving Rocco a belly-rubbing) and then we... ˆ meredith ˆ rocco ˆ dogs ˆ

...put on funny ethnic hats and called it a night! Yay, Ethnic Hats! ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ best ˆ hat ˆ

Faisal woke us up on Saturday and announced that he was taking us to Emirates Palace Hotel for lunch! Here's the view as you approach the hotel. ˆ emirates palace ˆ

This place was, hands-down, the most ridiculous hotel I've ever seen. It has over nine million square feet in floor space (to put things in perspective, the Javits Center in New York City is less than 700,000 square feet!) and it cost around THREE BILLION DOLLARS to build (making it the most expensive hotel in history). ˆ emirates palace ˆ

We pulled up to the entrance and there was a Audi R8 parked under the canopy! ˆ audi r8 ˆ emirates palace ˆ

Engine in the back under glass! ˆ audi r8 ˆ

Crazytown! ˆ audi r8 ˆ

The lobby of the hotel was as grandiose as you'd expect. The place is just so enormous that there's not really any way to photograph it that gives you an accurate sense of the size. The main entryway is circular, and when you look up... ˆ emirates palace ˆ

...there are four terraced floors that lead up to a huge rotunda. ˆ emirates palace ˆ

It's beautiful! ˆ emirates palace ˆ

Faisal took us to a Lebanese restaurant in the hotel called Diwan L'auberge. ˆ emirates palace ˆ menu ˆ

We ordered a whole bunch of plates of mezza, which is like the Lebanese equivalent of tapas. Here's Meredith with the first round of dishes. ˆ meredith ˆ emirates palace ˆ food ˆ

Faisal and me! ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ emirates palace ˆ food ˆ

Just when I thought there was no way I'd be able to eat another bite, a plate full of desserts came out and I rallied. ˆ dessert ˆ food ˆ

The restaurant looked out onto the back grounds of the hotel. After we finished eating, we went outside (into the blistering afternoon heat) to check it out. The restaurant is pretty much in the middle-part of the restaurant so this photo should give you an idea of just how big the place is. Look how far the building stretches into the distance! And it also goes on... ˆ emirates palace ˆ

...equally as far in the other direction. Seriously, the entire length of the hotel must be the equivalent of 15 city blocks. It's crazy! After all the manicured grass, the grounds go right out onto... ˆ emirates palace ˆ

...the sand! And if you keep backing away... ˆ emirates palace ˆ

...you'll walk right into the Persian Gulf! ˆ boat ˆ emirates palace ˆ persian gulf ˆ

Meredith and Faisal getting their feets wet. ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ emirates palace ˆ persian gulf ˆ

Me being a dork. ˆ me ˆ emirates palace ˆ

After the sun became unbearable (aka: 5 minutes later), we went back into the hotel and check out some of the huge models they had in the lobby showing some of the other huge construction projects that are going to be built on man-made islands off the coast of Abu Dhabi. ˆ construction ˆ emirates palace ˆ

I was impressed with the model of the thing! I can't even imagine the real thing when it's built! ˆ construction ˆ emirates palace ˆ

To give you an idea, here's a close up. In this one tiny portion of the model, there are more than 20 buildings taller than 20 stories! They're basically planning to build something similar in size to the ISLAND OF MANHATTAN on man-made islands by dredging sand up from the bottom of the gulf). ˆ construction ˆ emirates palace ˆ

Driving back to Faisal's house we passed this huge mural of Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan, the current president of the UAE the ruler of Abu Dhabi. (Or at least I think that's him. Sometimes it's hard to tell with all the beards and headwear!) ˆ driving ˆ sheikh ˆ

After we got back to Faisal's place, we decided to lounge around in the living room and read and relax.

"Reading and relaxing" very quickly turned into "lapsing into a food coma" and we both woke up five hours later! Hahaha. Here's Meredith and Rocco waking up from their nap together! ˆ meredith ˆ rocco ˆ dogs ˆ

Later that night Faisal took us to a nearby mall (check out his parking job - this is totally standard there)... ˆ car ˆ

...and we saw the Simpsons Movie! Here's Faisal and Mer with the rest of the fam, minus Bart who must've been stolen! Hahaha. (By the way, they had the same exact display in NYC and someone broke Homer's arm off. Nice to see that Simpsons-vandalism is so universal). ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ best ˆ the simpsons ˆ

In the UAE, everyone takes off on Friday and Saturday (instead of Saturday and Sunday), so that meant that Faisal had to go back to work on Sunday. Meredith and I woke up, had ourselves some breakfast at the house... ˆ food ˆ

...and then took Faisal's car (which he was kind enough to lend us) out so that we could explore Abu Dhabi on our own! ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ driving ˆ us ˆ

We pretty much just drove around for a couple of hours and did our sightseeing from the car. We parked once and tried to do some sightseeing on foot, but the city's really spread out and it was entirely too hot to be walking around anyway. Check out the Pepsi billboard we saw...

...featuring the Emirati Jason Schwartzman!

Later that afternoon, we headed back to Faisal's and decided to get our swim on while we waited for him to come home from work. (And I did my best to take some David Hockney-inspired pool photos!). ˆ pool ˆ

Here's the original I was thinking of. Not too shabby considering I was just doing this from memory! ˆ david hockney ˆ painting ˆ

Meredith's diving action shot! ˆ meredith ˆ best ˆ dive ˆ pool ˆ

And here's the other one! ˆ david hockney ˆ painting ˆ

Around 5pm Faisal got home from work and we had dinner together. Faisal works for the Emirati government and so he wears a dishdasha (the long white robe thingy) and a gutra (the headscarf thingy). After dinner I asked a million questions about the dishdasha and gurta which culminated in... ˆ faisal ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ

...Faisal decking me out! I had always figured the clothing had some sort of religious significance, but it turns out that it's just the traditional dress of the region and wearing it to work is pretty much akin to dressing up in a suit in the west. ˆ me ˆ best ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ

Hahahaha! ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ best ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ us ˆ

After getting decked out, I wanted to walk around outside in it to see if it really was any cooler than my non-desert clothing. (Answer: Er, sort of). ˆ faisal ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ

But also so that Meredith could take awesome photos of Faisal and I together looking like middle-eastern bad-asses. ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ best ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ

Hahaha. Desert coldlamp pose #403 (We stole this shit straight from the Magi). ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ best ˆ coldlamp ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ sunglasses ˆ

The sprawling estates of Faisal's house also include... ˆ trees ˆ

...a giant air conditioned (and carpeted!) tent. We went inside and Meredith took a bunch of photos of the two of us acting like we're working out some Old Testament business deals. Hahaha. ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ best ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ

And then I set my camera all the way across the tent and used the timer to take this awesome Hustler Magazine inspired photo that I call "The West's Corruption of the East." ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ best ˆ boobs ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ thumbs up ˆ

Here's a close up! Hahaha. What's funnier than Faisal feigned shock? ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ best ˆ boobs ˆ dishdasha ˆ gurta ˆ thumbs up ˆ

Here's a photo of Rocca, you know, just looking adorable. ˆ rocco ˆ dogs ˆ

Speaking of adorable, when we got back into the house, Meredith grabbed a headscarf and got her O.T. (Old Testament, yo) look on as well. ˆ meredith ˆ

Afterwards, I returned the cultural favor by showing Faisal how you can transform a plain old t-shirt into a motherfucking NINJA MASK! Hahaha. ˆ me ˆ ninja ˆ

Later that night, I woke Meredith (and Rocco!) up from their team nap and we packed up all of our stuff so that we'd be ready to head to the airport and catch our flight to Thailand! After we were finished packing, we headed out for dinner! ˆ meredith ˆ rocco ˆ bed ˆ dogs ˆ sleepy ˆ

On the way out of Faisal's house, we heard a rustling in the trees and looked up and saw a rat in the tree! ˆ rats ˆ

Look how cute he was! I didn't even know rats climbed trees! (I guess they don't in NYC because there's no way the squirrels would tolerate that shit for even a second). ˆ rats ˆ

When I got closer to take more pictures, he scurried all the way up to higher branch! ˆ rats ˆ tree ˆ

Faisal took us to an Indian restaurant called Zari Zardozi... ˆ sign ˆ

...where we got our FEAST on! Check out the spread! ˆ food ˆ

Afterwards, we kicked back with some shishas... ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ shisa ˆ

...and some fruity, tropical drinks. Hahaha. ˆ me ˆ shisa ˆ best ˆ

Who's classier than us? ˆ meredith ˆ shisha ˆ smoke ˆ

After dinner, Faisal took us to a KARAOKE BAR that was right next door! ˆ faisal ˆ meredith ˆ

KARAOKE! ˆ faisal ˆ book ˆ karaoke ˆ

I sang a couple of jams and then it was time to... ˆ karaoke ˆ

...head back to Faisal's to pick up our bags and head to the airport! Here's Mer saying goodbye to Rocco (the sweetest little nugget of a dog ever). ˆ meredith ˆ rocco ˆ best ˆ dogs ˆ

Here's us with Faisal's friend Vadim saying goodbye just before getting into our taxi to the airport! Thanks a million for having us, Faisal! We had THE BEST time! ˆ faisal ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ

We raced to the airport only to find out that our flight to Thailand had been delayed four hours so we killed some time writing postcards to family and friends. Camels! ˆ camel ˆ postcard ˆ

The Burj! ˆ burj al arab ˆ postcard ˆ

Apparently there are rules that if your flight is delayed more than a certain number of hours, the airline is required to feed you and so... ˆ meredith ˆ airport ˆ

...we gorged ourselves on veggie samosas (the only thing veggie they had). ˆ food ˆ

Around 4am, Emirates Flight 384 was ready to go! Next stop: Bangkok! (Once more, I just want to thank Bernadette, Philip and Faisal for being such great hosts. We really can't thank you enough! WE HAD SO MUCH FUN! THANK YOU!). ˆ airport ˆ