i keep a diary

a person in 660 photos in 2003

grant

showing 2003 only · show all years
appears with…
newest
DSC02787.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Before David had time to warn him, Grant turned the dial marked "Water Pressure" all the way to the most powerful setting. Check out his priceless expression as his O-ring is almost permanently damaged by a geyser that could give Old Faithful a run for its money.
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02780.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Most places were either mobbed with people or out of food entirely. And so after walking around for over an hour, we finally settled on Life Cafe (on 11th and Avenue B).
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02778.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
The next morning Grant, Vic and I woke up and there was still no power. We decided to hit the streets and find a place serving breakfast. Everywhere we looked, there were small, but telltale signs of the previous night's mischievousness. Case in point: this brilliant "Drink Piss 74" graffiti that someone spray-painted on the window of the Astor Place Starbucks. (I wonder if that's someone's IM handle or something?)
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02768.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
A little bit later, a squinty, cranky Tara showed up and Grant and I tried to entertain her by...
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02774.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...making stupid faces and...
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02759.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Back at my apartment, we lit a ton of candles and hung out in the kitchen with Victoria; listening to the radio and trying to learn more about when the power might come back on.
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02756.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After I got the briquettes going, we realized it would still be at least a half an hour before they were ready to cook food - which was too long. So we left and decided to find somewhere that had food ready. As soon as we got outside, EmEm decided to cut out and begin his long home over the bridge to Billyburg (no power means no subway, ya heard?). Here's Grant posing with one of the bunches of flares that were set up to illuminate each intersection.
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02735.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
All the circuits in the northeast blown....so much like the tiny mind of one Mr. Grant Stoddard who couldn't seem to wrap his little noggin around the situation.
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02737.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Hot, sweaty and tired in a way that only comes from having recent, unwanted proximity to another man's plumbag, we plunked our party down at a table outside in the back patio.
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
DSC02736.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Also, try to keep in mind that it's like 95 degrees outside. As our office started heating up (no AC, remember?), I decided to lay down and take a nap and wait for the power to come back on. I must've fallen into a deep sleep, because Grant managed to brain me pretty good. He loses points for not having my face in the pic, tho. (Thank god).
the nyc power blackout of 2003
August 14, 2003
grant
I don't even know what the story is here. Is she sucking your bottom lip?
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Why is it that when Grant get's really drunk he always ends up doing color-coordinated dance-duets with strange women?
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Grant's nearing the bottom of his sixth or seventh gin and tonic so I'm not sure if he's telling Vin something funny or tonguing his ear.
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
...whole lotta smooching going on!
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
...and two guys: Pascal and Nicolas - who in the most randomest coincidence of all time were fans of this website! It turns out Pascal and Nicolas work for a French wine company that had done business with Nerve and one day while Google-searching for information on Nerve, they came across my site and ended up reading most of it. So when Laure went to introduce Grant and myself to them, they were like "We already know zeese guys! Zey are cuh-razy!"
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Including...that's right! Looks like the despite their earlier misunderstanding, Grant and Beyonce's older brother were ready to patch things up.
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Holy shit, is that a gangsign Pascal's throwing down in the middle? These guys really have been reading my site!
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
"Wow! Now that eez tres transexual taboo!"
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
...a DUDE! Right after he was done kissing her (er, his?) GIANT hand...I pulled him aside and was like "You know that Aerosmith song 'Dude, Looks Like a Lady,' right?" Grant: "Um, yeah. Why?" Me, nudging him and nodding at the girl he'd just been chatting up. At first he was all like "Nooooo way."
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Vin, Grizzle, Pascal, Nicolas, Laure and moi.
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
"Look. I hope you won't take this as any sort of 'line,' but there literally is a party in my pants, and you actually are invited. I know how it sounds . . . "
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
That is until he got next to her and forced his alcohol-impaired, little eyes to focus for a second. Actually, forget the dim light, s/he's actually pretty hot regardless of what she may (or may not be) packing downstairs.
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
"How would you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?"
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Success!
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Before I get going on these next few photos let me pre-emptively, in Grant's defense, point out that these pictures all look super-bright because of my camera's flash - in actuality, the club was very dimly lit, which is probably why Grant didn't realize that the "superhot black chick" (his words) he was trying to chat up was actually...
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Grant and Vin.
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
CHA-CHING!
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
"So, Daniella. . . when you gonna let me up in them guts?"
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Death by Glamazon. Sign me up
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
I brought Grant over and introduced him and took a few steps back to let him work his magic...
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Shortly after, Viola and her crew took off (probably becaues the likes of us were getting let into the place). Grant ordered another steep G&T in preparation for the much more difficult task of trying the same lines on girls that he's never lived with.
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
KERRRR-RACK! (After you're done laughing at her amazing expression, take a second to realize how friggin tall this woman is [keeping in mind that she's half bent-over in this pic]).
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Oy vey.
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
I met up with a well-liquored Grant on 2nd & 2nd and we walked up to meet Vinay outside of Plaid on 13th & 4th (actually "well-liquored" is probably a bit of an understatement considering he almost threw up on the walk up).
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Grant was very nervous about having to deliver a bunch of corny (and in some cases outright offensive) lines to a gaggle of models, so Carrie offered to help out by letting him practice them on her at the office. Check out Carrie feigning modelesque-indifference as she puffs her imaginary Gauloise.

Here are just a few of the choice lines he was rehearsing:
"I'm going outside to make out. Care to join me?"
"Honey, your dad doesn't have a penis. He's got a paintbrush!"
"You give me the hardest semi I have ever had."
"Hey baby, wanna go halfsies on a bastard child?"

And let's not forget my personal favorite:
"You are, by far, the most interesting piece of ass i've talked to all evening."

Yeah, all of a sudden his trepidation is starting to make a little more sense, right?
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
"...THIS!"
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
grant
Within in seconds of entering the party we ran into Grant's former supermodel roommate, Viola (who you may remember as host of ridiculous Halloween parties in both 2001 and 2002). After we cleared up the confusion ("How did you three clowns get allowed in here?"), Grant explained his assignment and asked Viola how he thought his pick up lines would go over with some of the other female party attendees. She goes, "Probably somthing like...."
pick up lines at the ford modeling party
August 13, 2003
DSC02598.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
L to R: Some girl that after 3 beers Grant almost took home (I think her name's Namoi??), Grant and the one, the only, Big Daddy.
karaoke with brett
August 09, 2003
DSC02575.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
From L to R: Grant, Amy & (my brother) Brett and Tara (doing her impression of a cat taking a shit).
karaoke with brett
August 09, 2003
DSC02591.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
But not Grizzle, his Bowie is fresh enough to go propless.
karaoke with brett
August 09, 2003
grant
We also randomly ran into this guy who recognized all of us from this site reading this site which was great! I love meeting total strangers. (Unfortunately, I forgot your name. So if you ever see this, email me!)
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
grant
Tara getting crowned as the "Luckiest Girl in the Whole World."
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
grant
The Fatty (looking like a zombie from out of "The Night of the Living Dead") me, Vin (making the bestest face ever) and GrizzleMyNizzle.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
grant
Westsiiiiiiiiide, boy.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
grant
Bestest friends ever.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
grant
Here's Grant and I partying with Fatty's "heavy metal hair" driver's license.
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
grant
Thanks guys - I had an amazing night (and thank you too, Frances *wink*)!
my 27th birthday party
August 08, 2003
grant
Reunited and it feels so right!
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
Success! Grant pulls off the slight more difficult "Panama" variation of the DLR kick. Noice!
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
This is my new fave pic of Grant. He looks like an eight year-old on Christmas morning.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
... their DLR (David Lee Roth) kicks! Check out Grizzle in the background. Haha.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
On the lam from the firework incident, they spotted a Dunkin' Donuts and popped in for a quick treat. (Make sure to take note that Fatty's making the exact same "Fatty's excited face" in four pictures in a row. Hahaha).
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
When leaving Wal*Mart, Fatty was rooting around in his trunk and found an errant 'work in the back (for all of you that don't know Frank Picarazzi, "work" is short for firework). Anyway, they decided find a remote place to light it off.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
I was actually reluctant to post this photo for fear of starting a new fucking trend in Williamsburg. For seriously.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
Shooter's Bible? First porn and now violence? I thought they were supposed to be a familiy joint.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
Grant browsing the merch...
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
New nightie (or maybe it's a summer dress?) for Grant!
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
I got caught in traffic leaving Boston so Grant and Fatty decided to kill some time by goofing off at Wal*Mart.
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
They started off with a lil' sumptin to eat at the Odessa diner on Ave. A (right near St. Mark's). Here's Grant doing his impression of this lady that we saw at a diner when we were down in Asbury Park, NJ for Memorial Day (when her coffee was empty, instead of summoning the waitress over, she just looked down and read her paper while holding her coffee cup and saucer out in the aisle).
boys weekend in newport part one: the drive up
August 01, 2003
grant
With the race over, we headed up into "American Wedding." (aka - "The Biggest Piece of DogShit Movie I've Ever Seen.")
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
grant
One last pic with the New York Four.
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
grant
The Six of us looking surprisingly not-hungover (um, expcept for Fatty).
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
grant
Afterwards, the three of us stopped into Max Fish for a drink and Tara grabbed Gran'ts luggage (don't worry, that's really just Photoshop too!).
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
grant
After going home and showering and unpacking, later that night I went over to Blue & Gold to meet up with Grant, Tara and...
boys weekend in newport part four: race back to nyc
August 01, 2003
IMG_0309.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Back at the hotel...
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0304.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Grant (who claims he wasn't drunk at all) took a little nappy-nap on the 4 minute drive home.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0307.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
This is hands down my favorite pic of the night. Bert N' Tha Boyz.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0274.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Um, yeah. (Check out Grant in the background censoring himself. Heheh.)
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0315.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
...rowdiness ensued. Here's Grant trying to escape from Seth's clutches.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0279.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
So somewhere around this time, I started spitting on my friends. Well, more like spitting on my hand and throwing it at them. I don't know, it seemed funny at the time. Needless to say, people weren't happy with me. After realizing that I'd been an asshole, I apologized and Seth opened his arms for a hug. Little did I know, it was a set up: while I was hugging Seth, Grant snuck up behind me and poured his beer down my shirt (while Fatty, privy to the plan, waited in the wings with the camera. Bastards).
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0220.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
A few minutes later, we convinced them to take more pics ("Taking pics is fun, right?") and Grant got in on the action.

Okay, I think it's safe to say that we were all pretty liquored up. At some point during the next few hours, every guy on the trip managed to get their luggage out...which leads us to the very first ikeepadairy.com contest!
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0221.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Look at the color of Grant's face. I swear to God I didn't alter the contrast or anything. I wish I had the audio file of him a few hours earlier all saying "It's cloudy, dude! You don't need to wear lotion when it's cloudy out!"
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0218.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
She was like "Why are you all laughing?" and started to walk away. I managed to convice her that we were just happy to meet such cute girls and Seth got his act together in time to snap this pic.
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0202.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
Fatty and Grant (showing off his, ahem, killer tan).
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
IMG_0217.jpg
original not copied to this machine yet
After months of getting people to willingly pose with my balls, it was time to try something new: getting unsuspecting people to unknowingly pose with my balls. I discreetly whipped out my bag, and grabbed one of our new friends for a picture. I handed off the cam to Seth who totally shit the bed by not managing to get my balls in the pic. Doh! The rest of the guys in the pic (Check out Grant and Franks' faces) were laughing so hard that the girl in the black shirt was totally confused...
boys weekend in newport part three: saturday night
August 01, 2003
grant
The water was filled with a crazy red algae that covered the beach. But don't think we let that stop us from some serious Frisbee playin', playa.
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
grant
Miraculously, as soon as we got to the beach, the clouds all disappeared (what little sun there was must of reflected off of Colin's white, white skin and burned them all away). Also, Grant and Fatty's friend Mark Wholley, who lives nearby in Providence came down to join in the beach fun.
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
grant
Yaaaaay, Frisbee!
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
grant
Thumbs up!
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
grant
From L to R: Fatty, me, Colin, Frank and Grant.
boys weekend in newport part two: friday night and the beach
August 01, 2003
grant
We showed off our "French Faces." What eez zee poin? Ehhh?
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
Hahahaha. Look at my eye peeking out!

UPDATE November 9th, 2008: If you've read Grant's book (and if you haven't, WHY HAVEN'T YOU?), this was the night that Grant was planning on finally getting in on with Louise but he ended up drinking so much that he was worried that he wouldn't be able to get a hard-on and took an entire 100mg pill of Viagra!
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
Grant kissed Louise!
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
Update 12/3/2002: This is a new picture - Grant kept bugging me to replace the picture that made him look like he had a "fat back" with the above pic that makes him look "buff."
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
With summer on it's way out Grant, Emily, Fatty and myself decided to ignore the day's forcast for rain and head back to Ft. Tilden for a little deserted beach action. (By the way - take a moment to appreciate just how great the picture above is).
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
Look! It's Count Beachula! The friendly, seashell-fanged gay vampire!
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
I know I bring this up everytime I post pics of this place - but seriously, look at this pic. Can you believe this is about 10 miles from Manhattan?
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
Let's see...fifteen boxes divided by three guys = *BURP*
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
Ah, yet another day trip out to the lovely Ft. Tilden with Frank, Colin, Liz and Grizzle.
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
After getting Charlie situated at my house, Grant, Fatty and I suddenly got hit by "The Crave" (and uncontrollable lust for thin, onion-steamed, definitely not Grade-A beef patties). So we hopped a cab (yes, we actually took a cab) from the East Village up to 33rd and 5th Ave to go to White Castle.
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
...put his huge nuts right next to John's face for this choice photo! Hahahaha.
the august roundup
August, 2003
grant
Ok, this photo's a bit redundant, but I only included it because check out Fatty surreptitiously making faces at his date. Hahahaha.
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
grant
Grant stepped up and repped with the proper form. (Damn, that's good. Knowing him, he's been practicing that in the mirror for years).
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
grant
Late, late in the day, Fatty showed up with some Russian girl that'd he'd met earlier on the week, but he didn't hang out with us becuase he was on a "date." We all left together, though. From L to R: Liz, Grant, Erica, Fatty, his Russian date, and there's Seven Layer down at the bottom.
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
grant
Crazy, right?
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
grant
Grant and Erica.
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
grant
This picture's called "Why You Shouldn't Fall Asleep When Grant Has Your Camera."
fort tilden and sarah's roof party
July 20, 2003
grant
Maybe it's because the time is now 9:34pm (on the same day) and Grant's already given up on the fast. Yep, that's right - Mr. IBetcha Fivehundreddollars was able to go without food for exactly 9 hours and 58 minutes. (And then making the story even better, a few weeks later Grant confessed that he had snuck a cookie earlier in the afternoon. Hahahah).
the july roundup
July, 2003
grant
Oh, and what's this? Is that Grant at my house a few short hours later with a bag of three dollar Chinese food in front of him? Why's he covering his face? Why's he doing that? Hmmm...
the july roundup
July, 2003
grant
So out of the blue on Sunday night, Grant announces that on Monday morning he's going to start a ten day fast. No food at all; only water with lemon juice, cayenne pepper and maple syrup. I predicted that he wouldn't make it more than two days and he got mad and wanted to bet me $500 on whether or not he'd make it through all 10 days. I politely declined (as my parent's taught me that stealing from the mentally handicapped is wrong). Grant was disappointed that I wasn't going to take him up on the bet, but he still wanted me to document the progress of his fast. So, here's his first sip of the conncoction - 11:36am. Let the fast being!
the july roundup
July, 2003