...that to our disappointment, belonged to Grant. Not that we weren't happy to see him, but you know, it was weird. He claims it was for some TV show thing he'd been filming in Los Angeles, but I don't know. The number of times this kid has "had to" cross-dress for work is certainly becoming suspicious.
Grant and I giving props to our man Jack (aka - Crazy Pomodoro Guy). Oh, and somewhere right around this time, Layla got all huffy about something and decided to just leave without telling anyone. (Wtf?).
It started off with a phone call - I was awoken Saturday morning by Grant who put out the word to the Fatty and me: Saturday brunch was to be held downtown...waaaaaaay downtown. That's right y'all...
I mean, this pic is pretty awesome and all. But just imagine how much better it would be if the Hulk fist wasn't contaminated and he could've been wearing it. Fack.
This was awesome - Grant was all kneeling behing Matting making faces at him and right as I was about to take the pic, Matt realized what was going on and thrust his ass back and Grant. Hahaha.
Emma, Grant, Lorelei and myself started the night out getting our free drink on at a party celebrating the opening of Toys in Babeland's new Soho store.
This is the undisputed winner of brain shots. Holy shit. The party was really loud and crowded and when Grant got a phone call he made the mistake of squatting down so he could hear better. I pulled out my nuts faster than a cobra attacking. Boo-yah! Mad props to Lorelei for snapping this pic. Hahahahahaha.
After finishing the entire CONQUISTIDOR, I made the mistake of thinking that it would be a good idea to get dessert. Just my suggestion made everyone else start burping. But then when I saw there was a Cinnabon place, I couldn't resist. I ended up getting a large Cinnabon and a hot chocolate, thinking that we could all share it. Everyone else was too full to even touch the Cinnabon - so I just ate the whole thing (whoops!).
Oh my god - I don't think I've ever been so full in my life. I overate to such a degree that I actually broke into a sweat (My stomach was quickly beginning to understand why my dinner was called "The Conquistidor"). I spend the car ride home trying not to throw up everytime Nina's car hit a bump in the road.
So after stocking up on snacks, we drove to some state park. We parked the car and walked over to this big old lake - our plan was to go swimming. But it turned out that "swimming season" was over and there were all these park rangers walking around making sure no one swam. (Booooo!). So instead we all laid down in this big field and I took a nap. And then out of nowhere, storm clouds rolled in so we decided to hop back in the car and spend the rest of the day...
A few minutes later, Colin realized he'd missed one of his quarter-hourly sunblock applications and we had to evacuate the beach before he spontaneously combusted. Um, either that or it was just getting late - I forget which.
Grant reading. Oh, and see those sunglasses he's wearing (which were borrowed from Tara)? Say goodbye to them, because it's the last time you'll ever see 'em! Shortly after this pic was taken, Grant accidentally threw the frisbee into the water and when he went in to retrieve it, he got utterly clobbered by a giant wave....and he lost both the frisbee and the glasses for good. Nice going....JERK!
Ummm...and then later that night we all went to a party at Sarah's new apartment. Grant and I took a whole bunch of funny pictures on Sarah's camera but she never sent them to me and this is the only pic I took on my camera. So, the end!
Addendum! January 3, 2004
So I finally got around to getting some of Sarah's photos from that same night. Here are some of the pics from her cam!
Shortly after Grant tried to brain me - I woke up and we threw around the frisbee. That is until a "mysterious little gust of wind" caused the frisbee to dip right as Grant was about to catch it and it whacked him in the forehead. A "mysterious little gust of wind" that I call PUNISHMENT FROM GOD! Hehehe.
Tara and I helped him bring all of his stuff back to his apartment, and then in a serious lapse of judgement, Tara agreed to close her eyes and let Grant surprise her - and in this case the surprise was all 10 inches of Jerome.
Here he is with Jenny Kijowski leaving the office with a box of stuff cleared off of his desk. (Partial list of said box: Tongue Joy, tongue mounted vibrator and attachments; Viagra sample pack; Penis extender weight kit with instructional video; Family pictures; CB2000 male chastity harness; AC/DC figurine and “ The Accommodator” chin-mounted dildo.)
Yep, and this one too. (Although, now that I think about it, I think we all might have been singing the four-part back up bit to Aerosmith's "Love In An Elevator" in these last two.)
Saturday night was slow - so Grant and I walked around Chinatown and decided to take pictures. The night's theme: ACTION! Here's Grant doing a double-footed flying kick at a pile of fruit boxes.
On Sunday afternoon, Grant left my apartment (where he'd been temporarily staying a few days) to head to California until March. First, he'd be in LA for a few weeks to film a TV pilot and then for a few months up at our friends' ranch in northern California near Yosemite to finish up a book he's been working on. So long, lil' buddy. Faretheewell. These streets just won't be the same without your silly accent and DLR kicks. But somehow, we'll try to get *sniffle* by.
On Wednesday, Grant and I got to the office only to find samples of some of the new merchandise Nerve.com is thinking of selling. Hmmm....Nerve.com trucker hats? And the verdict is?
Then Grant and Buddy teamed up for one of the most explosive performances of Van Halen's "Panama" I've ever seen. Between the two of them, they managed to pull about half of and six "Faces of Rock." Here's Grant pulling the "Oh My God!"
Later that night while walking around the East Village, we ran into "Pastel Man." I tried to get Grant to pretend he was doing something picture-worthy so that I could get a few sneaky pictures of his amazing outfit, but Grant started totally cracking up and Pastel Man caught on to what we were doing. I only managed to get this pic before he managed to get away. See you next Easter!
Later that night, Grant and I headed over to some the Coral Room for some party celebrating weirdo author J.T. Leroy. On the walk up, Grant and I spotted a girl showing gratuitous butt crack inside an ice cream parlor and we stopped outside to try to get a sneaky picture of it.
Here's me leaning in and making eating noises trying to get Grant to make good on his threat. (I figured worse case scenario, if he actually did throw up, we could just put one of the huge soda-pails in front of him to catch the mess!).
After we polished off the first bucket, Grant was feeling pretty sick. Fatty and I started on the second bucket and Grant was like "Please stop eating you guys. Seriously. I'm so full the sound of you eating is going to make me throw up."
Sometimes those late night food tv commercials can straight fuck your night up. Grant and I were at my house watching tv, trying to figure out what to get for dinner, and all of a sudden this KFC commercial comes on. We both started drooling and were like, "Let's get that (points to TV)." The nearest KFC is up on 14th and 1st (about 20 blocks from my place) so on the walk up, we called the Fatty and he joined us. We got to that KFC only to find it closed early for construction. We remember that there was another KFC on 14th near 6th Ave. Craving chicken, we braved on. As we went up to order, the lady told us, "We're closing - but if you want, I'll give you two buckets of chicken, biscuits and three sodas for ten bucks." SOLD! Cha-ching!
So in early September, Emily, one of my best friends from high school moved from Boston to NYC. Right before moving in, she went on vacation with her parents to the (aw, yeah) Jersey Shore. When she got back into town Sunday night, she told us to come to her house because she had (dramatic pause) presents for Grant and I. Here she is making Grant close his eyes and telling time to "Pick a hand: left or right."
After hanging out with Louise three other times (all of which ended with her not getting kissed and asking me in her heavily-accented English "What eeez eee, a, how you say, faggot?") Grant finally got enough courage (read: alcohol in him) to plant a big one on her. Nicely done!
We also ran into Troublemaker Jen who has twice been the cause of, yep, you guessed it, trouble. (Wait a minute...what's that playing up there on the ginormous big-screen TV...First with the "Visible Nipple Incident" of 2002 and later as a key player in "The Greatest Story I'm Not Allowed to Tell You About" of earlier this year).
We met up with Louise and Laure (aka - the French girls) out front of the club and got in line. Before they'd even let us into the place, they made Grant and I take off our shirts. We were warned that we'd be permanently removed from the party if we put them back on.
First off, I'd like to record in this diary that due to our certifiably-insane driver on the cab ride over, we almost didn't make it to the party alive. Here's Grant holding on for dear life as the driver executes one of his many fast-corner, tire-chirping turns.
So check it: This guy's long, braided hair was making Grant all mad. Even though he was standing 10 ft away from the guy Grant was all like "Ew, can you smell it? Can you smell his dirty, braided hair? Ew! I bet it smells!" So I was like, "Why don't you go find out....PUSSY?" So Grant goes over to the guy and I took this great picture of Grant smelling his hair. And then...
...egged on by me cracking up, he got all big balls and got really close and starting sniffing all loud. What my camera didn't capture is Grant almost getting handed a braided-beating when right after the above pic was snapped, the guy turned around all quick and almost caught Grant leaning in and sniffing. The guy wasn't sure exactly what was going on, but he was privy to the fact that he had just missed catching Grant doing something behind his back and wasn't very happy with him. Priceless. (Oh, and by the way, what's with his spray-painted shirt? Is this becoming a stupid trend or something?)
So we ended up having so much singing at Frank's that we decided to round up a crew and head to Nolita Tavern for some Saturday night Sid & Buddy Karaoke action. Emily Cmielewski was in town from Boston apartment hunting for a place in NYC so she came with Bev (who I also went to high school with) and met us there. (L to R: Bev, MLE, Grant, Fatty and Colin).
After BBQ goodness we gathered in Frank's room and took turns trying to name a song that he couldn't play on the vibes. In the end, we didn't stump him once and it ended up turning into a 45 minute impromptu karaoke session almost as much fun as the last time this happened (minus Tracy Morgan of course).
Here's Fatty telling his amazing story (complete with hand gestures) about a Russian girl he'd met through online dating who was only interested in getting her "rear emmissions checked" (if you know what I'm sayin'). Look at Frank's face, he's totally caught in the middle of saying "Duuuuude."
At 8:59pm, just as we sat down on a bench to eat our dinner the power was finally restored to Soho and the Lower East Side (we were the last neighborhoods in all of NYC to get it restored going a whoppoing 28 hours and 28 minutes without it)! As the lights came up all around us, people everywhere were laughing and clapping and cheering and singing. Yay, power!
Later on in the evening, we ran into David and Miye outside of their apartment on Mott Street. When I casually asked "What's new?", they got really excited and replied "Our bidet! You have to come in and try it!" Grant, being the one used to braving new things in the name of science, (well, that and the fact that he likely had a saucy ass crack) immediately volunteered to hop on and check it out.