Oh, and mints and gum. LOTS of mints and gum. Anyone who's talked to Tara in a room smaller than a convention center knows why she got these. Babygirl's got breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit-truck at 40 yards. Hahahahaha. (Okay, Tara doesn't really have bad breaffff at all. I just totally made that up because I heard my uncle say that buzzard line at a family party like 10 months ago and I've been patiently waiting to use it somewhere on this site but the opportunity just hasn't presented itself. So Tara, you're my inadvertant bad breath casuality. Sorry, sugar.)
Here are the "Healthy Brain Pills" that can only be procured in Chinatown in a store near my house. Now that Tara's getting up there in years, I decided it would be a crime to risk her not having a healthy brain.
On Tuesday, I met up with Tara for birthday lunch at Cafe Liebowitz on Spring Street. Here she is using her actual ID to legally procure alcohol for the first time ever. Look at lil', mini, sixteen year-old Tara in the corner. Awwww, lil' baby's all growed up!
Then it was time for the birthday girl to open PRESENTS! It's my firm belief that no DVD home library is complete with out Richard's Pryor's 1982 seminal cinema-classic, The Toy.
Scary clown candy! (Okay, there probably would've been a lot more "candy!" pictures except that right after this picture was taken Grant got caught using my camera to take pictures of some lady's ass while pretending to take pictures of candy and a female employee asked him to leave the store. "Sir, If you're going to take pictures, please make sure someone you know is in them. Thank you." Hahahahaha.).
Ummm...and then later that night we all went to a party at Sarah's new apartment. Grant and I took a whole bunch of funny pictures on Sarah's camera but she never sent them to me and this is the only pic I took on my camera. So, the end!
Addendum! January 3, 2004
So I finally got around to getting some of Sarah's photos from that same night. Here are some of the pics from her cam!
On the way home I was hungry again so we stopped at Subway. Tara, who was still feeling sick from White Castle, used my sandwich bag to block out the smell of my giant meatball hoagie. Hahahaha.
And since we were in the neighborhood, I took Tara across the street to White Castle and introduced her to the only fast food chain that calls its burgers "sliders." Ew.
Tara and I helped him bring all of his stuff back to his apartment, and then in a serious lapse of judgement, Tara agreed to close her eyes and let Grant surprise her - and in this case the surprise was all 10 inches of Jerome.
But not nearly as happy as this picture makes me. There's too much going on for me to even write about (but I do need to at least mention Seth's gratuitious cupping of Matt's tits).
As the night gained momentum, we abandoned our little table in the corner and took over the couch directly in front of the stage. Here's Frank, Seth, Colin and Tara.
As I sat there reading the manual, I learned that because of it's big internal memory, you can take a succession of pictures superfast. It was only a matter of time I was having Tara see how many faces she could make in four seconds. Ready....GO!
So my big excited news is that I got a new camera! Woooo! I got the new Canon Digital Rebel and it's my first digital SLR. On the way home from work I stopped by Tara's to show her.
Oh, and I also managed to get yet another pic of Tara on the can. By the way, check out those smoking leopard-print panties she's got on. Wine coolers? Leopard panties? What's going on with her lately?).
I got home to find Tara hanging out in my apartment and wearing my underwear. Hey, you'd be hiding your face too if I'd caught you drinking drinking a wine cooler! Cuh-lassy! Hahaha
Anyone who hangs out with me should know better than to think they can simply walk into the bathroom and start using the toilet while I'm in there brushing my teeth. Here's me getting the one-handed, sneaky "I caught you peeing" hip-shot photo.
After our (not-so) deliscous breakfast, Grant and I walked over to Tara's apartment to try to get her to come walk around the city with us. We found her all ornery, in a towel, refusing to get out of bed. Her plan was to just stay asleep until the power came back on.
After cupcakes, Tara and I headed out to Williamsburg to meet up with Grant and the Fatty to see Fatty's former roommate's band play a show at North 7th. After the show, Tara gave Fatty a piggyback ride...
Okay, after you're done drooling over Sarah's ridiculous onion, make sure you direct your eyes north for a look at the priceless expression David's pulling.
Sunday night Tara and took the subway out to Brooklyn to join in celebration of Dave G's birthday party. After the party, Tara and I walked home across the Williamsburg bridge - she went home to go to sleep and I went to Lafayette Street to meet up with Grant and...
Later that night - Tara and I went to see the Fatal Flying Guillotines (friends of hers from Texas) play at Lit. Afterwards, we went over to SinSin and kicked it. (L to R: Vin, Tara, me, Jaime, and one of Jaime's friends).
After a few minutes of walking around on the scorching boardwalk, we decided we needed some refreshments. We found a $10 all-you-can-drink frozen drink stand and quickly plunked down a Mr. Jackson ("Dos, por favor."). After a few sips, we realized the drinks, although festive looking in their florescent test-tube cup thingies, didn't contain enough alcohol to buzz a field mouse. We quickly remedied the situation with my the flask or rum we'd brought along "just in case." (Check out the reflection of Tara pouring. Artsy!).
After pizza (and after I was done hysterically laughing and pointing), we went over to Stingy Lulu's to meet up with Tara. After I noticed she was showing a little nipple...
After a warmup drink or three there, we headed over to The Hole and met up with a buncha other people. Charlene, Grant, Tara and (special guest stars from Teendrama) Dennis Crowley and Grellan
We found our way out of the mall just in time to head back to the hotel, pack up, and get to the airport just in time to catch the red-eye back to Vegas. Here's Tara wishing death upon the blabbermouth in the seat in front of us who didn't stop talking for the first 3 hours of his flight (he only stopped because after awhile I started making the "shhhhh!" noise everytime he'd start to speak. Hehehe).
After our delicious, Rain-Foresty dinner digested a bit (which took longer than usual in the 110°F heat) we went over to New York, NY (it's a hotel)...
After the coaster, we walked around some more but it was so goddamned hot that we decided we'd go see "Dumb and Dumberer" (which had just come out). We bought tickets and killed the 90 minutes before the movie started in some giant arcade. Here's Tara mutilating the denizens of Los Angeles.
and rode the roller coaster! (The sign said no cameras, but my camera's really small so I thought I'd be able to sneak it on. The coaster started off and figuring I was safe, I snapped this pic - but one of the guys that worked there was on to me and was running along side the coaster, and totally snagged me and nabbed my camera).
Besides seeing the Eiffel Tower, the only other thing Tara wanted to do in Vegas was go to the Rainforest Cafe (don't ask me, I'm still trying to figure out why as well). So check it out, we sit down at our table and then I notice there's this lady at the table behind Tara who's wearing a shirt that looks like it has a gold lamé bib built into it. When I pointed her out to Tara (who's from Texas), Tara shrugged and explained to me "Oh, that's just her eatin' shirt."
Later on, when the lady was finished with her meal (all four plates of it) she took off the bib, folded it up (see the fold-marks in it?) pulled out a matching, gold lamé, bib carrying-case, and put her folded-up gold lamé bib into her matching gold lamé bib carrying case, and put it back into her purse. I was shocked into silence. I had been kidding about it being a bib, I just thought it was part of her shirt. Who carries a bib (nevermind a gold lamé bib) around with them? Who? Fucking Vegas. Jesus.
I spent most of Monday in meetings for work. Tara spend most of Monday getting incredibly sunburnt at the hotel pool. Ouchie. After meeting up, we set out on the strip to explore some more.
