August 06, 2003

Sarah's Lingerie Karaoke Birthday Party

My friend Sarah, who used to be the cocktail waitress for Sid & Buddy's Monday Night Karaoke, invited me to her (and Herman's) Wednesday night Lingerie Karaoke Birthday Extravaganza!

herman the cowboy jew, sarah b — The Birthday kids! Sarah and Herman (the Karaoke Jew).

Check out Ed in his Hefneresque jammies! Awwww, sit!

sid and buddy — Buddy and Sid (still clothed at this point) manning the karaoke station.

candy — Nadine and Candy!

me, sarah b, seth — Seth, one of the stars of "The Story That Can't Be Told", Sarah, and me.

candy, me — As the booze started flowing more freely, the "you must be in lingerie or your underwear" policy was foisted upon us.

sid and buddy — Sid & Buddy stripped down to their Underroos!

me, xiomara — Xiomara!

matt l — Buddy (in his giant, foam Speedy Gonzales hat) and Nadine.

ed, me, tara — Tara (in her Holly Hobby lingerie), Ed and my armpit hair. Suh-weet.

david w, matt lesser, sid and buddy — Mad props to David, the only other guy there who didn't cheat and stripped all the way down to his skivvies.

howard, tara — Tara and Howard, the dude that owns the jizzoint. (Yo, check out his necklace all bling-blinging in the flash. Wooooooord!)

david w, sarah b, tara — Okay, after you're done drooling over Sarah's ridiculous onion, make sure you direct your eyes north for a look at the priceless expression David's pulling.

candy, matt l, matt lesser, tara — Sid, Candy, Tara and Buddy.

Me (my armpit hair again) and Valentina.

sarah b, sid and buddy — As the booze continued to flow, Sarah took it upon herself to start shucking clothes off of the shy ones.

sarah b, sid and buddy, tara — Holy best photo EVER! Sarah and Tara ~~munching~~ cutting rug.

candy, david w, sid and buddy, tara — Noody David getting a lil' backup help from Candy and Tara.

sid and buddy — Male pole dancing! Wooooooo!

candy — Female pole dancing! Woooooooo!

me, tara — Hahahahaha.

herman the cowboy jew — Herman: birthday boy and Karaoke Jew extraordinaire dedicated a lil' sumptin to his birthday counterpart.

matt lesser — Matt and a pink leopard lady!

sid and buddy, tara — Best night of karaoke EVAR!

candy, me, sid and buddy — Candy and I reminded everyone that Roxanne did indeed not need to be putting on that red light. Seriously, those days are over, Rox. For seriously.

dan cassanova, yelena — Yelena and Dan Cassanova (and a girl in a green shirt I don't know)!

david w, natalka, yelena — David dishes some tough loving to Natalka while Yelena cheers him on.

matt lesser — After your done checking out those sweet juh-juh-juggz, make sure to check out Matt's mouth doing an impression of a wet asshole. Hahaha. Ew.

matt l, matt lesser, sarah b, sid and buddy — After everyone was good and liquored up, it was time to administer the birthday spankings!

And with the spankings out of the way it was time for birthday cake woooo!

sarah b — Hahahahah.

So right when they were bringing the cake out, I got called up to sing. I grabbed the dick off the cake (thinking it was just a plastic dick) and stuffed it down my pants. Only after the song was over did I realize the dick was actually made out of white chocolate and if it wasn't ruined right when I shoved it down my underwear, it was certainly ruined when I let an enthusiastic audience member stub out their cigarette on it (see the ash mark?). Doh. Uh, sorry about that one guys.

In case any of you were wondering what the bottoms of a person's feet would look like after walking around on a drink-soaked, ash laden bar basement carpet - here you go. Seriously, I can't think of anything grosser than this picture....

...oh wait, yes I can.

candy, sarah b — When Candy and Sarah started all dirty dancing and pointing the fan at themselves (to achieve that true "lesbians in a Whitesnake rock video" effect), I knew it was time to call it a night (before I lost my tiny mind). Happy Birthday, Sarah and Herman! Woooooooo!