If you've been reading this site for any amount of time, this probably goes without saying: Me = Not a Morning Person. In order to play paintball with my co-workers I agreed to a 5am wake up call. Here's me making sure I'm actually in real life after only getting about ninety minutes of sleep. TIME TO PLAY PAINTBALL! ˆ me ˆ poke ˆ tired ˆ

Walking through Stuytown admiring the spring time green! ˆ stuytown ˆ

The courtyard outside our building has paddle-tennis and bocce ball courts! ˆ stuytown ˆ

And on the way out the street I passed trays and trays of beautiful flowering plants that they were getting ready to plant all around the Stuytown grounds. (Whoopsie! Sorry about wasting money on flowers and defaulting on the 3 BILLION DOLLAR LOAN! Love, Tishman Speyer!) ˆ flower ˆ stuytown ˆ

Our bus left at 6:40am. Oooof. ˆ bus ˆ

Ah, the peaceful pastures of Pennsylvania. ˆ field ˆ

We got to Skirmish a little after 9am right as it stopped drizzling and started to clear up! ˆ skirmish ˆ

SKIRMISH! ˆ skirmish ˆ

I've dicked around in the woods with painball guns before, but I'd never played paintball at a huge professional place like Skirmish and I was totally blown away by the scale and organization of the operation. AWESOME! ˆ skirmish ˆ

Aziza and Ben busted out a bottle of whiskey and we all had a few "warm-up sips" before existing the bus. ˆ aziza ˆ ben r ˆ bus ˆ yodle ˆ

Matt showed off his jock strap (and his pecs). (Psssst, ladies! He's single!) ˆ matt ˆ gay ˆ

Emanuel stepping off the bus and tying on the sea-foam green bandana that signifies the kickoff of his ritualistic paintball preparation proceedures! I'm actually just making that up. The truth is, he actually wears that bandana every day! Ha! ˆ emanuel ˆ bus ˆ yodle ˆ

So excited. ˆ crowd ˆ paintball ˆ

Filling out my form poorly. ˆ skirmish ˆ

Wait, HUH??? What kind of hillbilly, bait and switch, invite you to play paintball and then rape you in the woods with a hose (apparently) kind of shit is this? ˆ best ˆ skirmish ˆ wtf ˆ

That's probably not really going to happen, right? ˆ nathaniel ˆ todd ˆ yodle ˆ

Probably not. ˆ aziza ˆ yodle ˆ

Who cares? PAINTBALL! ˆ matt ˆ yodle ˆ

Yes! ˆ matt ˆ paintball ˆ

I stowed away my three peanut butter jars of paintballs in this fancy little hip-satchel. Mercenary chic! ˆ me ˆ cigarette ˆ hoodie ˆ paintball ˆ

With everyone outfitted, we walked closer to the playing fields to pick up our guns. ˆ best ˆ paintball ˆ

Me and Matt. ˆ matt ˆ me ˆ sunglasses ˆ

Getting guns. ˆ paintball ˆ

Into the woods! ˆ paintball ˆ

Face protection. ˆ me ˆ paintball ˆ

While my co-workers were gearing up, I wandered into one of the ammo shops and bought a bunch of TACTICAL SMOKE GRENADES. We hadn't even started playing yet and I remember I kept thinking to myself: "They just sold me tactical smoke grenades! PAINTBALL IS AWESOME!" ˆ paintball ˆ smoke grenade ˆ

After loading up on guns and ammo, we headed deeper into the woods to play our first match. ˆ paintball ˆ

There are many like it, but this one is mine. ˆ matt ˆ paintball ˆ

The referee gathered us to explain the rules... ˆ aziza ˆ matt ˆ paintball ˆ yodle ˆ

...and then sent us trudging into an awesomely creepy set of houses that looked like they were leftover from some Hollywood Western made in the 50s. ˆ paintball ˆ

Right?

Playing the first match confirmed the suspicions I'd had earlier whilst purchasing tactical smoke grenades: PAINTBALL IS FUCKING AWESOME. ˆ paintball ˆ

(But it's not very awesome when you get hit at close range). Here's Nataniel showing off two close range shots he took in the arm in the 3rd match we played. ˆ nathaniel ˆ ouch ˆ paintball ˆ

Resting up between games.

3:30pm. Yet another ammo refill!

We've been playing painball for many hours and it is fucking EXHAUSTING! Not only are you running around full speed while carrying heavy gear, the fact that you're running through the woods and hunting other humans (and trying to to get avoid shot by the people hunting you because it HURTS) sends your adrenaline spiking through the roof every single game. It's intense. ˆ rajiv ˆ paintball ˆ tired ˆ yodle ˆ

4pm. Resting up for the final match! ˆ aziza ˆ matt ˆ paintball ˆ yodle ˆ

Ammon, the man who organized the event! Thanks, Ammon! ˆ ammon brown ˆ mask ˆ paintball ˆ

Beleaguered me. ˆ me ˆ mask ˆ paintball ˆ

Before the match started, I made sure I had the last of my TACTICAL SMOKE GRENADES handy. I'd used the other three I'd purchased in the heat of other battles, but I was so completely absorbed in the games that I didn't want to take photos and risk getting killed. But the smoke grenades were so awesome that I was determined to document me using the last one in an actual paintball-combat scenario! ˆ best ˆ smoke grenade ˆ

Awwww, yeah! About 20 nail-biting minutes into the last match, we were trying to silently creep through the woods to track down the other team when we fell into an ambush! I threw the last grenade, snapped this rad photo, and then a couple seconds later the smoke provided a dense enough cover that allowed a couple of us to right-flank our ambushers! AWESOME! ˆ best ˆ paintball ˆ smoke grenade ˆ

Leaving the field after the last match. ˆ paintball ˆ

So much fun. ˆ paintball ˆ

Emanuel! ˆ emanuel ˆ paintball ˆ yodle ˆ

Matt posing for one last "HOW AWESOME IS IT THAT I'M HOLDING A PAINTBALL GUN?" photo before we had to hand our guns in. ˆ matt ˆ paintball ˆ

Ammon showing off a close-range arm shot that had already started turning a deep purple behind the still-bright-red impact spot. Ouchie! ˆ ammon brown ˆ bruise ˆ ouch ˆ

Bus ride home. ˆ bus ˆ

It was a perfect day of mock-killing in the woods! There was even a rainbow on the way home! Thanks again for organizing such a fun trip, Ammon! ˆ driving ˆ rainbow ˆ