Thirty years (and nine months!) in the making....my 30th birthday! Some people get bummed out about turning thirty - I was kind of looking forward to it. I'd had my big "Oh my god I'm getting older" existential crisis when I turned 25 - so after getting that out of the way, I was ready to welcome thirty with open arms. Here's how it all went down.
Monday, August 7th
August 7th was just a normal night around the house...but as soon as the clock struck midnight, Meredith appeared out of nowhere and sniped me with a birthday-treat! tags:meredith
best
birthday
cake
Tuesday, August 8th
After I got home from work the next night, Meredith handed me an envelope. I opened it and it contained a piece of paper with a clue on it! A scavenger hunt! tags:me
birthday
scavenger hunt
"A noose is just a fancy hanger
But you've aroused my furious anger
Awake! Your time of death draws near!
I think I'll store your skeleton here...
tags:me
birthday
scavenger hunt
Ten envelopes and ten more rhyming couplets later...I was led to my scavenger-hunt birthday surprise! tags:me
birthday
gift
surprise
I hadn't really planning on doing anything to celebrate my actual birthday, but I relented and decided to text a few people and see if anyone was available to meet up for a last-minute, low-key dinner at Kate's Joint. A few people texted back so at 8:30 Meredith and I headed over to Kate's to meet up with Ellen, Vinay... tags:ellen hart
meredith
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...and Leigh (seen here examining my 30-year old birthday hair). tags:leigh
me
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I got some sweet lil' gifts! Like these matching, antlered-buck salt and pepper shakers! tags:me
antler
gift
They were totally gay for each other! I also, as you can see in the background, got some Pop Rocks! Woooo! tags:antler
kiss
pop rocks
At some point during our meal, one of my weaselly friends managed to sneak away from the table and tip our waitress off to the fact that it was my birthday. She brought me a piece of cake, (complete with candle!) and my friends got to loudly sing "Happy Birthday" and embarrass me! Yay! tags:me
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cake
After cake, Vinay said goodbye and left me with the three loveliest ladies I know! Thanks again for coming out last minute, you guys! tags:ellen hart
me
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Hahaha. tags:leigh
meredith
smile
After our table had been cleared of food, and after looking around to make sure the coast was clear (dog in a restaurant = health code violation!), we had a special out-of-the-bag surprise visit from Edie! tags:edie
leigh
She drank a little water... tags:edie
drink
...then distributed some kisses! tags:edie
ellen hart
kiss
tongue
After Kate's we all headed back over to our new apartment... tags:edie
dogs
...where Leigh discovered, and drew a pretty picture on, my GNC muscle mix! tags:gnc
Ungh! Flexdown! tags:leigh
gnc
gun show
Edie was exploring our new apartment and was really intrigued by a roll of saran wrap that she found (that'd we'd used to wrap boxes in our recent move). So I took it upon myself to use the packing-wrap to make Edie a little doggie outfit. tags:edie
leigh
birthday
shrink wrap
Yay, shiny turquoise doggy dress! tags:edie
leigh
shrink wrap
Edie was a good sport about it, but you could tell she wasn't really feeling her new outfit. Every time she moved, the wrap would loudly crinkle and she'd whip her head around like "Yo, what the fuck?" tags:edie
shrink wrap
After we freed her she retreated to the couch with Meredith where she could keep a watchful eye on us from a safe distance. tags:edie
meredith
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Meanwhile, Leigh took it upon herself to make me a "designer shirt" of my own. tags:leigh
me
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shrink wrap
I hated it too. tags:me
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shrink wrap
Then Ellen decided to make Leigh a shirt (and Leigh decided to dance while she made it). tags:ellen hart
leigh
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dance
shrink wrap
Then Leigh took Ellen's shirt and turned it into a skirt! tags:leigh
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skirt
Hey, they don't call her a fashion innovator for nothing! And then a full-on, saran-wrap-as-haute-couture riot broke out! tags:leigh
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skirt
Ellen modeled the new "cone collar" piece from her forthcoming spring collection. tags:ellen hart
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shrink wrap
Leigh demonstrated how this piece can also be worn as a hat... tags:leigh
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hat
shrink wrap
...FOR VAMPIRES! HISS! tags:leigh
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vampire
Meredith models the "Periwinkle Pillbox Pile" version of the hat while Edie wonders if we've all lost our fucking minds. tags:edie
meredith
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hat
shrink wrap
Yep, we have. tags:leigh
me
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shrink wrap
Ellen decided to go avant-garde and challenge our perceptions of "functional clothing" with this stunning piece entitled "Crotch Bow." Tres chic! Paris awaits, mon petit génie! tags:ellen hart
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bow
shrink wrap
Inspired by Ellen's willingness to use her art to challenge convention, Leigh and I worked together to create a special birthday outfit. tags:leigh
me
best
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shrinkwrap
Here's is our masterpiece! It's called See-Through Birthday Suit at Thirty. The saran-wrap garment serves as a skin-metaphor for identity and reminds us that that the world is new to us each and every morning. Which means, we are reborn a new each and every day. tags:me
best
birthday
shrinkwrap
Behold! The majesty of Art! tags:me
best
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shrinkwrap
The room was so overwhelmed by artful majesty that Meredith had to shield Edie's eyes (lest she be blinded by TRUTH!) tags:edie
meredith
pretty
After I was finished modeling my new look, Ellen and Leigh set out to make a version for Meredith. Notice the wonderful feminine re-interpretation of the original work that resulted in an off-the-shoulder look with a full-length skirt! tags:me
meredith
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shrink wrap
But the most exciting thing about Meredith in the outfit... tags:meredith
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...was that I was no longer the only person in the room who looked like a complete and total jackass! tags:me
meredith
best
birthday
shrink wrap
If you would've asked fifteen year-old me what I'd be doing on the night of my thirtieth birthday, I know without a doubt that he wouldn't have even come close to describing this photo. tags:me
meredith
best
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shrink wrap
I do know, however, that he would have approved. tags:me
meredith
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Hahaha. tags:me
meredith
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Leigh was exhausted from her artistic outpouring and retired to the couch. tags:edie
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asleep
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She snuggled up with Edie just long enough to lure her into a false sense of security and when she finally let her lil' doggie guard down... tags:edie
leigh
...Leigh attacked! Vampire bite to the doggie snout! tags:edie
leigh
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vampire
Happy Birthday to me! tags:me
meredith
shrink wrap
Thursday, August 10th
Thursday night was my birthday observed! Sarah and Karen were DJing a lot at the Annex and they managed to get the downstairs open a few hours early so we could have a little get together down there before it opened up to the public later that night! (Thanks, you two!)
Meredith handled the rest of the party planning which is how I ended up with a "Monkey-Themed" birthday. Complete with homemade banana-decorated cupcakes... tags:banana
birthday
cupcakes
...an inflatable palm tree that was bigger than Sarah! (Which is just another way of saying it was "almost five feet tall." Hahaha) And... tags:sarah
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palm tree
...A GIANT INFLATABLE MONKEY! (Awww, look at Gurj and Meredith laughing about lil' monkey secrets!) tags:jeet
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monkey
The monkey turned out to be a big hit! Here's Mandy posing with my birthday monkey! tags:mandy
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monkey
Here's Meredith escorting him around the party and making introductions. tags:meredith
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Everybody was really excited about the monkey! And it turns out... tags:meredith
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palm tree
...the monkey was just excited about all of us! Homeboy was packing!. Boy, thirty years old and still doing stuff like pretending an inflatable monkey's tail is a giant inflatable monkey-penis. I guess my eighth-grade guidance counselor was right about me all along! (At least he was wrong about the whole "ending up in jail" part! Er, at least so far anyway). tags:me
best
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us
Mandy swooped right in and got down to business. (Monkey business! Ha!) tags:mandy
monkey
Mandy's such a size queen. Check her out doing the whole "his banana is bigger than his monkey-penis" comparison! (And by the way, is it wrong that this picture sort of turns me on?) tags:brother lawrence
mandy
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Lawrence and Mandy sharing a magic monkey moment. tags:brother lawrence
mandy
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And the entire time all this was going on, that smile didn't leave that monkey's face for even a second! tags:brother lawrence
mandy
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monkey
A little after 10, people started showing up! Here's Emily with her then-boyfriend (now fiance! Congrats!) Tim. tags:emily
tim
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Here's Emily with the birthday-boy! tags:emily
me
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And here's Emily with the monkey-cock! Hahaha. tags:emily
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monkey
And here's Emily twenty minutes later getting the big "L is for Loser" from Siege after announcing that she was leaving to go home and sleep! But if Siege had known Emily for as long as I have - he'd know that Emily needs AT LEAST 10 hours of a sleep a night! No hard time from me, sugar! Thanks for going out of your way to swing by on a weeknight! tags:emily
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Sarah and monkey-cock. tags:sarah
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Ellen, Gurj and Brandon. tags:brandon
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jeet
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Um, yes hello? Are you there, Monkeycock? tags:brandon
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Lauren Flax came out! I hadn't seen homegirl in ages! tags:lauren flax
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Right around eleven, Mr. David K. (aka - "Sketchy Dave") showed up with some lil' teen strumpet who was up in town for a few days visiting him from somewhere down south. tags:david kreitman
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Oh man, I love this picture SO MUCH. Every time I look at David's face I can actually hear the perverted little cackle he does when something naughty happens: "Heh...heh...heeeh." tags:david kreitman
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Me with the one and only Dennis Crowley. tags:dens
me
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I'd invited a few of my co-workers to stop by and Piotr was the first of a few to arrive on the scene. Here he is with Mandy! tags:mandy
piotr
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There's not much of a story to tell with rest of the photos. It's pretty much just me getting drunk with my friends. And I ended up getting pretty, pretty drunk - as evidenced by this photo I stole from Dens' Flickr that shows me triple-fisting three different types of drinks, each in a different type of container! (A cup of Scotch, a can of PBR and a bottle of Heineken. Oooof!) tags:me
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drunk
Here's Siege pretending he's shocked by Mandy giving the monkey the ball-cup from underneath reach-around! tags:mandy
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Ellen getting herself a nice long drink of monkey-milk! tags:ellen hart
jeet
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Shocking! tags:ellen hart
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Meredith helping me hide my hard nips from the camera. tags:me
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Karen, Sarah and Brandon. tags:brandon
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Gurj and Ellen rolling around on the floor playing with the inflatable tree. tags:ellen hart
jeet
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Lounge time! tags:jeet
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Nap time! tags:ellen hart
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Nina (getting bunny-eared). tags:nina
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tongue
Rachael showed up late night to hoist a quick one! (She's a high school teacher these days and has to get up waaaay earlier than anyone I know). tags:rachael
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Birthday shot of whiskey = this face. tags:me
rachael
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Nina, Siege (trying to hide!) and Meredith. tags:meredith
nina
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Around midnight, Julie and Ralph (two more of my co-workers) turned up with a friend of theirs. tags:julie
ralph
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And then Leigh turned up right afterwards! tags:leigh
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Leigh giving me a happy birthday boob-nuzzle. tags:leigh
me
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Meredith and Nina getting their tongue on. tags:meredith
nina
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Leigh and Lawrence. tags:brother lawrence
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punch
Skycam getting Leigh, Leigh's bra-flash, Lawrence and Gurj all together. tags:brother lawrence
jeet
leigh
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boobs
Meredith had to get up for work bright and early the next morning too and bid me goodnight a little past midnight. (Siege was on hand to mock yet another early-departing guest). tags:meredith
siege
Palm tree cock n' balls! tags:me
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palm tree
Rat face! tags:leigh
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ugly face
Drunk Sarah. tags:sarah
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the bird
Me surprised! tags:me
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I think this is a photo of Brandon trying a sip of the insanely strong drink the bartender made for Karen. tags:brandon
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Yep! And here's him wincing afterwards while it looks like Karen is showing him how much tonic was put into her vodka tonic. tags:brandon
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Here's me really drunk! I only included this pic because it's the only photo I have that shows that Seth was there! (Sorry buddy!) tags:me
seth miller
Hahaha. tags:brandon
karen
the bird
If anyone knows the importance of cradling the coconuts, it's Karen. tags:karen
leigh
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Ross Martin totally surprised me by showing up! I hadn't seen him in months! tags:me
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Jack Dolgen and Amanda. tags:amanda
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Dennis and Karen Marsala! tags:dens
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Me with cupcake in my teeth! Right after this photo was taken, I ate like 2 or 3 of these cupcakes in a row... tags:leigh
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...which led to a "oh no I'm gonna puke" scare about 10 minutes later. Leigh sat with me outside and I'm proud to say I managed to keep everything down. Yay, thirty! I'm a big boy now! tags:leigh
me
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A few minutes later, Julie and Ralph stumbled outside and had a hilarious conversation where they tried to decided if they were "too drunk" to bike all the way back to Brooklyn. Hahaha. In the end, they decided to go for it! (And I'm happy report they made it home without incident). tags:julie
ralph
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Right as I decided to call it a night and head home, Leigh and I noticed that there was a big lump moving around inside of the garbage bag that was on the street in front of us. I got up off the steps to investigate! I started petting the big lump through the bag and confirmed that it was a giant rat trying to get out! We both screamed and retreated back to the steps and spend the next three minutes watching the rat try to maneuver his way out. (He ended up chewing a tiny hole and then quickly pushing his rat body out of it! I was too slow on the draw to get a photo). And that's the end of my 30th birthday party. Woooo! Happy Birthday, me! tags:trash
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