the april roundup: part one


I took so many random pics in April that the April Roundup needed to be split into a two-parter! Here we go!

On Sunday afternoon I went bowling. ˆ bowling ˆ

On Sunday afternoon I also attended Amy Albano's birthday party. Are you ready for the crazy part? ˆ birthday ˆ cake ˆ

amy albano

I attended them at the same time! How is that possible you ask? It's possible because... ˆ amy a ˆ birthday ˆ cake ˆ roxbury high school ˆ

rob berliner

...Amy Albano's birthday party was AT THE BOWLING ALLEY! Woooooo! Rob Berliner (fellow Roxbury High School alumnus!) was as shocked as I was but that wasn't about to stop him from celebrating! ˆ rob berliner ˆ roxbury high school ˆ

I didn't come prepared with socks. Luckily there was a sock vending machine there to take care of all my sock needs! ˆ socks ˆ vending machine ˆ

With socks freshly purchased from the vending machine and rental shoes tightly laced, we were all ready to bowl / celebrate Amy's birthday! ˆ bowling ˆ shoes ˆ

rob berliner

Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet's BOWL! ˆ rob berliner ˆ alley ˆ bowling ˆ roxbury high school ˆ

After we were done with a few games of bowling, I convinced Amy and Rob to come over to the arcade with me and play Dance Dance Revolution. ˆ DDR ˆ videogames ˆ

rob berliner

The arcade version is much more difficult (and much higher on the "public embarrassment" scale) than my Xbox version is. ˆ rob berliner ˆ DDR ˆ roxbury high school ˆ

meredith silverman

On Thursday night, Meredith and I stopped in our local bodega (that's "corner store" for all you non-New Yorkers) to pick something up and while browsing the aisles, we came across "Good Friends," the funniest cereal ever. Meredith first made friends with these two... ˆ meredith ˆ cereal ˆ

meredith silverman

...then went on to become even better friends with these two (Cinna & Raisin). ˆ meredith ˆ cereal ˆ

brian battjer

We love GOOD FRIENDS! The funniest part came when after we were done taking these photos, Meredith took a look at the nutritional information on the box and goes "Whoa, look how much fiber there is! The reason the folks on the box are all so happy is because they're taking totally regular shits!" ˆ me ˆ cereal ˆ

heidi gallant, sean dack

Later that night I went out and ran into Sean Dack and Heidi Gallant. ˆ heidi gallant ˆ sean dack ˆ

meredith silverman

Meredith was helping planning a party for a restaurant, and one of the companies she was working with sent her a huge bag of candy and party favors. On Tuesday night, she came to my apartment and brought a ton of treats and trinkets with her! ˆ meredith ˆ bed ˆ

niki

Niki the roommate came over to hang and check out Mer's bag o' goodies. ˆ niki ˆ bed ˆ

meredith silverman

Some of the "toys" included a whistle! ˆ meredith ˆ whistle ˆ

meredith silverman

And a magnifying glass that Meredith discovered could be used as a monocle! (PS - Niki, are those your toes sprouting out of Meredith's head?) ˆ meredith ˆ magnifying ˆ monocle ˆ

meredith silverman, niki

Somehow, what started out as an innocent candy-bag exploration, turned into a not-so-innocent fun-bag exploration. Hahaha. ˆ meredith ˆ niki ˆ boobs ˆ magnifying ˆ

meredith silverman, niki

Awwww, who's cuter than these two? (No more sugar for you!) ˆ meredith ˆ niki ˆ boobs ˆ laugh ˆ

dan cowgill, john merlino, kip demane, melanie rebosa

After years and years of working at start-ups where I ended up partying WAY TOO HARD with my co-workers, at my latest job I decided to draw a line between "work" and "party" and in turn hadn't been hanging out socially with co-workers. But on Friday night I decided to make an exception and head out to a party in Brooklyn that was ALL colleagues. Here's Melanie, Dan, Kip and John cold chillin. ˆ dan cowgill ˆ john merlino ˆ kip demane ˆ melanie rebosa ˆ

russ porchia

Dance Sensation Russ Porchia. ˆ russ porchia ˆ

phil modestin

I'm not positive, but I think Phil might've been catching a lil' booze-induced nappy-nap in a chair in the corner of the room...but he managed to wake up and catch me trying to take his sleepy-time photo. I made it home relatively sober at a very respectable 3am happy to have kept "party Brian" safely hidden away from the people I see at the 9-5. ˆ phil modestin ˆ

grant stoddard

On Saturday I went to the Tompkins Square park to relax and enjoy some early spring sunshine. Here's Grant pointing out a cute heine. ˆ grant ˆ tompkins ˆ

meredith silverman

Meredith was there! ˆ meredith ˆ sunglasses ˆ

brian battjer

I tried to take a little nap but kept getting fucked with by Grant and Meredith. ˆ me ˆ asleep ˆ

grant stoddard

Grant likes to make himself sneeze. He does this thing where he'll take a blade of grass and stick it up his nose and wiggle it until he sneezes. ˆ grant ˆ grass ˆ tompkins ˆ

niki

Which Niki found really funny. ˆ niki ˆ laugh ˆ sunglasses ˆ

sarah lewitinn

Later that night I went over to Sarah's apartment to watch, Monty Are I, one of the bands that she'd recently signed to her label, play an acoustic show in her living room. ˆ sarah ˆ apt 3a ˆ permanent me ˆ

Here are two of the guys from the band tuning up. ˆ apt 3a ˆ monty are i ˆ

oliva stone

Ollie and Mark from The Oohlas were there! ˆ ollie ˆ apt 3a ˆ the oohlahs ˆ

The first song went off without a hitch, but in the middle of their second song, somebody busted out the TV remote and started playing a Girls Gone Wild DVD on mute. Hahaha. ˆ apt 3a ˆ Girls Gone Wild ˆ monty are i ˆ

Which proved to be....distracting, to say the least. ˆ apt 3a ˆ Girls Gone Wild ˆ guitar ˆ monty are i ˆ

grant stoddard, meredith silverman

Afterwards, I left Sarah's to meet up with Grant and Meredith who were down the street having drinks at some random bar. ˆ grant ˆ meredith ˆ

meredith silverman

I took this pretty photo of Meredith. ˆ meredith ˆ

grant stoddard

This surprised photo of Grant. ˆ grant ˆ

brian battjer

Then I took this awesome photo of me with simulated "beach hair." Afterwards, I tried to convince the two of them to head westward to catch the tail-end of MisShapes, but it was already 2:30am and neither of them were having it. So I decided to roll solo. ˆ me ˆ beach hair ˆ

leigh lezark

I got there a little after 3am and immediately located this little elf. ˆ leigh ˆ misshapes ˆ tongue ˆ

brian battjer, oliva stone

I went downstairs to hide my things and ran into Ollie! ˆ me ˆ ollie ˆ misshapes ˆ

joanna mastov, merlin bronques

And then, right afterwards, I ran into Merlin taking photos of Joanna Angel. ˆ joanna angel ˆ merlin ˆ camera ˆ misshapes ˆ

brian battjer, joanna mastov

Before she was a big shot porn star and porn mogul (NFSW, duh), Joanna used to be our intern at Nerve.com waaaay back in the day! Awwww! We caught up on old times and she invited me to come to a party she was throwing later on in the week to celebrate the release of her company's newest porno movie! Our little intern's all growed up! (that last link is really, REALLY NSFW!) ˆ joanna angel ˆ me ˆ misshapes ˆ

brian battjer, jeet, oliva stone

Closing time! A little while later I ran back into Ollie (this time with a bonus Gurj!) and we got our things and headed back east. ˆ jeet ˆ me ˆ ollie ˆ misshapes ˆ

meredith silverman, niki

The next morning I invited Meredith and Niki the Roommate to take the train out to New Jersey with me to head to my Aunt and Uncle's house in Clark, NJ and spend Easter with my family! Here's the lovely ladies all dressed up (complete with flowers for Grandma!) on the taxi ride over to Penn Station. ˆ meredith ˆ niki ˆ easter ˆ flower ˆ

, wayne carrick

Uncle Wayne and G-Ma carving up the Easter turkey. ˆ grandma ˆ uncle wayne ˆ easter ˆ turkey ˆ

brian battjer, meredith silverman

I guess that's the only photo I took at Easter dinner (whoops!) because here's Meredith and I back on the platform waiting to catch a train back into town. ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ dressed up ˆ easter ˆ

meredith silverman, niki

Thanks for coming with me, lovelies! ˆ meredith ˆ niki ˆ dressed up ˆ easter ˆ

Enough with all that wholesomeness nonsense. Three days later and it was time to attend the DVD release party for Joanna's new porn movie, Joanna's Angels. Grant and I headed over to some club in mid-town to congratulate Joanna (and hopefully see some boobies). ˆ burning angel ˆ camera ˆ

grant stoddard, joanna mastov, kylee kross

Here's Grant (making the most awesomely uncomfortable face) with his former intern Joanna (awwww!) and Kylee Kross, one of the Joanna's leading co-stars in the flick. ˆ grant ˆ joanna angel ˆ kylee kross ˆ burning angel ˆ uncomfortable ˆ

dana dearmond, grant stoddard

Then, before he'd even gotten a chance to recover from the fact that his former intern was now a smut-mogul, Grant got introduced to Dana DeArmond, who is, in Grant's words, "the only woman in porn that I want to marry." Hahaha. Awwww, look how nervous he is about meeting her. Dana could tell Grant was feeling a little shy, so she tried to loosen him up by immediately giving him... ˆ dana dearmond ˆ grant ˆ uncomfortable ˆ

dana dearmond, grant stoddard

...A BRONSKY! Hahahaha. OMG, I love this pic so much. ˆ dana dearmond ˆ grant ˆ bronsky ˆ

grant stoddard

The bronksy from Dana seemed to magically transform Grant. As soon as she released his face from her bosom, he marched over to the shiny brass pole that was depressingly unoccupied (it's a porn-party, c'mon people!) and started swinging around it, showing off his moves back from the days when he and I were male strippers. (No, seriously). ˆ grant ˆ pole ˆ

grant stoddard

He seared the crowd with a fierce gaze and spun 'round the pole like a pro! ˆ grant ˆ pole ˆ

grant stoddard

He even pulled out a few "advanced" stripper moves that surprised even me! Like this one where he wrapped his legs around the pole... ˆ grant ˆ pole ˆ

grant stoddard

...then let go with his hands and slowly slid down the pole (heh!) using only his thighs! (Tell the truth, Grizz...Did you end up taking that stripper jazzercise class with Ellen?) ˆ grant ˆ pole ˆ

grant stoddard

Here's Grant's glowing grin after his impressive dismount! The best part? ˆ grant ˆ laugh ˆ

He totally inspired all the people at the party to get up off their asses and give it their best on the pole! ˆ pole ˆ

This girl was pretty good! She definitely had the "speed spin" move down! ˆ pole ˆ

Then this guy (who I think might also be one of the guys in the porn, but who knows) gave the pole a shot! ˆ pole ˆ

Grant launched a full-on POLE PARTY! ˆ pole ˆ

dana dearmond

Even Dana came over and gave the pole a half-hearted spin. ˆ dana dearmond ˆ pole ˆ

grant stoddard

Grant was happy to clean up after her. Hahaha. ˆ grant ˆ best ˆ lick ˆ pole ˆ

grant stoddard

"You're not going to post that photo of me licking the pole on your site, right?" ˆ grant ˆ laugh ˆ pole ˆ

grant stoddard, kusum lynn

Later that night, we ran into Kusum Lynn! These days she's a big shot editor at fashion magazines, but I know her from all the way back in the college days when she used to do stuff like keg-stands! (Yep, check the last photo in the entry). ˆ grant ˆ kusum ˆ

dicie

Then, just a few minutes later, I met this girl, Dicie, who recognized me from reading this site! ˆ dicie ˆ

brian battjer, dicie

She introduced me to her friend Jim and we all took pictures and laughed about how they wouldn't show up on this site until five years later. (But hey, it only took me about 19 months! Woooo!). She also came over to tell me that.... ˆ dicie ˆ me ˆ

black face jesus

...Black Face Jesus had arrived at the party! For any of you who don't already know about him, Black Face Jesus was a guy, who for a short time back in the 2005-2006 days, used to show up at parties dressed up as, you guessed it, Jesus in BLACK FACE. His other accessories included a totally real crown of thorns, a pair of tightie whities and an American flag as a cape/robe (!!!). I'm not sure if anyone ever figured out his message, but he sure as hell entertained some people (namely, me), pissed off a lot more people, and sparked a whole lot of hilarious internet discussion. (By the way, when I Googled him just now, I found his MySpace page and I'm happy to report that he's actually using THIS PHOTO as his main profile photo! Hahahahaha!) ˆ black face jesus ˆ

black face jesus

I went over to Black Face Jesus, introduced myself, snapped a bunch of pics, then asked him if he'd mind posing for a group picture...because while I wasn't exactly sure about where he was coming from, one thing was clear to me... ˆ black face jesus ˆ best ˆ

black face jesus, brian battjer

...Black Face Jesus needed to be BRAINED! Hahahahah. It's with great pleasure that I present to you this photo of me, a stranger from the internet, Black Face Jesus, and my balls. ˆ black face jesus ˆ me ˆ best ˆ brained ˆ

black face jesus, grant stoddard

Grant wasn't about to miss out on the action and quickly sidled up behind BFJ and introduced himself by way of grinding up behind him on the dance floor! ˆ black face jesus ˆ grant ˆ

black face jesus, grant stoddard

Then he immediately sniped him with a lightning fast "get a load of this guy" for the cam! And then, just when you thought it couldn't happen again, he pulled off the comedy trifecta... ˆ black face jesus ˆ grant ˆ get a load of this guy ˆ

black face jesus, grant stoddard

...and Blackface Jesus got BRAINED for the second time of the night! Hahahahaha. ˆ black face jesus ˆ grant ˆ brained ˆ

black face jesus, grant stoddard

It was around 2am at this point and the party was winding down. So we bid farewell to Black Face Jesus... ˆ black face jesus ˆ grant ˆ

grant stoddard

...hugged our new internet-stranger friend goodbye and headed out. ˆ grant ˆ

kusum lynn

Outside the club, we ran into Kusum who was planning on grabbing a cab and heading home. We couldn't help but notice that Kusum had smuggled a drink out of the bar... ˆ kusum ˆ

grant stoddard, kusum lynn

...and asked her if she wanted to head downtown with us and find another place to keep drinking! At first she was like "No, no! I have to get up early tomorrow!", but after a lil' bit of peer pressure (not even all that much, actually. Anytime a person is stealing "drinks for the road" from a club, they're probably up to keep on partying), she agreed to come with us! ˆ grant ˆ kusum ˆ

grant stoddard, kusum lynn

Drunk hilarity ensued on the cab ride down. ˆ grant ˆ kusum ˆ best ˆ laugh ˆ ugly face ˆ

kusum lynn

Hahahaha. ˆ kusum ˆ laugh ˆ

grant stoddard, kusum lynn

Wow. Just wow. ˆ grant ˆ kusum ˆ best ˆ tongue ˆ

We ran into this deep graffiti on the sidewalk outside of Lucy's in the East Village. Oh man, you can't even imagine how badly I wanted to introduce its author to Black Face Jesus. (Although, now that I think about it, "Noah Rider" doesn't really seem like a good "angry black guy" name, so maybe he's actually just another white boy that does "edgy race stuff." If that's the case, he and BFJ might end up becoming BFF! (I'm TOTALLY right by the way! Check out this photo of Noah Rider I found. I'd bet money that he and BFJ were frosh roomies at Sarah Lawrence) ˆ graffiti ˆ sidewalk ˆ

No back-story here, just an awesome name for a company. ˆ box ˆ cardboard ˆ

kusum lynn

Lucy's was totally empty except for one Mexican dude whom Kusum befriended (and totally surpised) with her fluent Spanish. We pretty much ended up pounding drinks and playing pool with this guy for the next two hours. ˆ kusum ˆ mexican ˆ

grant stoddard

Open Bar + Post-Open Bar Drinking = Faces Like This. ˆ grant ˆ

kusum lynn

3:50am and Kusum's at the ATM taking out money for the "last call" round. Girl's a champ. ˆ kusum ˆ atm ˆ money ˆ tongue ˆ

grant stoddard, kusum lynn

After Lucy's closed, she even hung out for the obligatory "holy shit, we're drunk" slice before heading back to BK. So awesome to see you, Kusum! Don't be a stranger! ˆ grant ˆ kusum ˆ pizza ˆ