Late Wednesday night, Chris and Andrew arrived in NYC! I met these guys on a jungle trek in Thailand (back in the spring of 2005) and when I heard that they were going to be stopping in NYC for a couple of days before heading home to the UK, I told them they were more than welcome to crash at our apartment. ˆ andrew jones ˆ chris nelson ˆ

Here's us reminiscing about Thailand. Haha. ˆ andrew jones ˆ me ˆ

On Thursday night I went out to Brooklyn to celebrate Siege's birthday! ˆ siege ˆ birthday ˆ cake ˆ

Here's everybody clapping because he did such a good job blowing out ALL THOSE candles. ˆ siege ˆ birthday ˆ cake ˆ crowd ˆ

Nina showing off her brand new Deutscher Paß (German Passport) that she got after managing to get herself dual-citizenship! ˆ nina ˆ passport ˆ

Catrinel (licking the icing off of a whole buncha candles) and the Fatty! ˆ catrinel ˆ fatty ˆ candles ˆ

Mmmmmmmm! Tasty! ˆ catrinel ˆ candles ˆ

Amanda! (Possibly bummed about not getting any candles to lick?) ˆ amanda ˆ

After the birthday cake had been sliced up, passed around and eaten, Siege brought out the special "King Cake" that his mom sends up from New Orleans every year! A "King Cake" has a little plastic baby baked into it and if you end up getting the piece of cake that contains said baby, YOU ARE THE KING! In this case, the Kingship entitled you to VIP treatment at the stripclub the party was soon moving on to! ˆ siege ˆ beads ˆ birthday ˆ cake ˆ king ˆ

Carol's brother ended up getting the baby and was crowned THE KING! ˆ nina ˆ king ˆ

Here's a group shot of a whole bunch of us waiting for a car service to show up to take us to the "next location!" By the way, what's that Nina's doing to KT over there in the corner? ˆ katie ˆ lambchop ˆ meredith ˆ nina ˆ siege ˆ grope ˆ

Oh, that's it! She's trying to slyly grope her titty! Busted! Hahaha. ˆ katie ˆ nina ˆ siege ˆ grope ˆ laugh ˆ

Check out Siege trying to politely maneuver the zombified Lambchop off the couch. This girl is pretty much a perpetually drunk, female version of a horny Chucky doll. (And just to clarify, I don't mean that as a compliment. Hahahah). ˆ lambchop ˆ siege ˆ drunk ˆ

Next stop on the "It's Siege's Birthday!" party train? Pumps! (For those of you not in the know, Pumps is a shady-ass biker-gang n00dy bar out in Bushwick, Brooklyn. The people at the bar aren't typically too welcoming to "outsiders," but they tolerated us because we showed up with a whole bunch of girls who were all willing to get up on stage and dance! Hahah. Here's Ellen and Katie up on THA POLE! (And if you look carefully in the background, you can see that Lambchop's already stripped down and attached herself to Meredith. Hahah). ˆ ellen stagg ˆ katie ˆ lambchop ˆ meredith ˆ pole ˆ

Swing 'round tha pole! ˆ katie ˆ meredith ˆ dance ˆ pole ˆ

Woooooo! ˆ katie ˆ boobs ˆ pole ˆ

I think this photo accurately depicts how Siege felt about the evening! ˆ siege ˆ

And this one definitely depicts how Grant felt about the evening! Hahahaha. ˆ grant ˆ uncomfortable ˆ

Katie and Amanda! ˆ amanda ˆ katie ˆ kiss ˆ

Check out Grant's reaction to the scary biker dude at the bar getting all horny over our friends. Hahah. ˆ grant ˆ biker ˆ get a load of this guy ˆ

Hahahahahaha. OMGLOL. Check out Grant's face when Lambchop came down off the stage to chat with him. This is HANDS DOWN the best "get a load of THIS GUY" surreptitious finger-point EVER DONE. End of story. I also love the contrast of Grant's expression coupled with the fact that Lambchop's pressing herself up against Grant so tightly that one of her titties is actually INSIDE his hoodie. Hahahahahaha. Holy fuck, this is a funny photo. ˆ grant ˆ lambchop ˆ boobs ˆ get a load of this guy ˆ nips ˆ

Later that night Mer and I went to the Annex and met up with Matt Rubano and Chris! ˆ chris nelson ˆ matt ˆ meredith ˆ

Brandon was in town from Budapest and he came to the Annex to meet up with us! (Which meant that I was now hanging out in the Annex with two guys I met while traveling in Thailand who were in New York staying with me and a guy that I met because he read this site and offered to put Grant, Jake and I up at his friends' houses in both Berlin and Budapest! Crazytown!). ˆ brandon krueger ˆ beer ˆ

Sarah and Karen on the decks! ˆ karen ˆ sarah ˆ

"GET ME MORE FREE DRINK!" ˆ karen ˆ best ˆ

Here's Brandon doing the shot of Jagermeister I bought him as payback for all the Unicum he made us drink in Budapest! *barf*gag*sputter* ˆ brandon krueger ˆ shots ˆ

Me giving Karen finger-hotdog in the cleavage-buns. ˆ karen ˆ dj ˆ

Chris thought that March in NYC would mean warm temperatures and didn't have a coat with him. Whoopsie! Here he is diagonally zipping-up his face to hide it from the 20° wind chill on the walk home! Hahah. ˆ chris nelson ˆ hoodie ˆ

On Friday evening I hung out with Leigh and helped her wrap a gift for someone in puppy-themed newspaper articles... ˆ leigh ˆ gift ˆ puppies ˆ

...then headed to La Esquina to have dinner with Miye. ˆ me ˆ miye ˆ la esquina ˆ

Miye is friends with Serge, one of the owners, and after he came by our table to say hi, we got hooked up on the VIP tip! Thanks, Serge! ˆ miye ˆ serge ˆ la esquina ˆ

Shots of tequila and warm chocolate cake with ice cream? ˆ dessert ˆ finger ˆ food ˆ la esquina ˆ

Mmmmmmm...tastes like free! ˆ miye ˆ la esquina ˆ

A little past midnight, Miye's friend Miriam who was was on duty that night as the manager, got off of work and joined us. ˆ me ˆ miriam ˆ miye ˆ la esquina ˆ

Joined us in taking melted wax from the candle on the table and using it to sculpt fake wax teeth, that is. Here's Miye's snaggle-fang. ˆ miye ˆ fang ˆ wax ˆ

And here's mine. ˆ me ˆ wax ˆ

While I was at the bar getting us one more round of drinks before heading out, I started chatting with the really cute girl on the left (yep, the one making the awesomely stupid face). While were chatting, Miye and Miriam came over and introduced themselves and we learned that the girl had just moved into town from somewhere in the Midwest and didn't know many people in town yet. We invited her to come out with us and she agreed but then the people that she was there with came over and they were these horrible, JAPpy modeling agency casting director type harpies that you'd see on one of those VH1 shows about New Yorkers that try to act like their life is JUST LIKE Sex and the City and they whisked her away from us...never to be heard from again. Until...I awkwardly ran into her on the street the very afternoon! ˆ miriam ˆ miye ˆ strangers ˆ tongue ˆ

We finished our drinks upstairs, took one more admiring last look at Miriam's awesome outfit before she changed into her "off duty" clothes... ˆ miriam ˆ

...and then went over to the Odessa Bar where we met up with... ˆ miriam ˆ miye ˆ

...Meredith! Who was in rare form by being out and about at 3:30am! ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ

Then things got U-G-L-Y! Here's Miye's ugly face. ˆ miye ˆ ugly face ˆ

My ugly face! (Hahahah. Jesus. I know I've done this face like a million times and I should be used to it...but even I've got to say that this particular instance is shockingly ugly! ˆ me ˆ best ˆ ugly face ˆ

Miriam's ugly-face! Pretty good for a first attempt! Color me impressed! ˆ miriam ˆ ugly face ˆ

When it came time for Miye and Miriam to joing up for a TEAM UGLY FACE, I gotta say I was pretty impressed with their initial offering. But, as the saying goes, practice makes perfect... ˆ miriam ˆ miye ˆ ugly face ˆ

...I think it's safe to say that Meredith and my TEAM UGLY FACE prevailed. The best thing about "UGLY FACE" is that it usually always leads to you making friends with people who overhear you laughing and are like "Yo, what the FUCK are you guys doing?" And then after you explain their like "Oh..." ˆ me ˆ meredith ˆ best ˆ ugly face ˆ us ˆ

"...can we try?" Hahaha. Here are three totally random strangers joining in for the TEAM UGLY FACE! Then, just when I was beginning to think that the night couldn't get any better, who should stroll into the bar? ˆ strangers ˆ ugly face ˆ

That's right! It's ASIAN PORNO LADY! (For any readers who may be new, Asian Porno Lady is an Asian lady (duh!) who goes into East Village bars in the wee hours of the night with a little push cart that contains packs of cheap smokes and hundreds of bootlegged porno DVDs. She announces her arrival by subtly yelling out in a thick Chinese accent: "Smokes! Porno! Cigarettes! Asian Pooooooooor-no!"). ˆ asian porno lady ˆ me ˆ

What? You think I'm making this up? Here's me checking out some of APL's fine wares. ˆ asian porno lady ˆ me ˆ porn ˆ

Even the bartender came over to check out my purchases! (I'm not even that big of a fan of this kind of porno, I just know that if there's an tiny Chinese lady running around bars in the middle of the night selling bootlegged porno, I've got to motherfucking support her!) ˆ bartender ˆ porn ˆ

Hahahahaha. This photo is comedy gold. Miye literally could not believe how big this girl's asshole was. She just kept pointing at it and laughing. She totally couldn't get her head around it (but I bet she could get "it" around her head! Ha!). ˆ miye ˆ best ˆ butthole ˆ porn ˆ

This picture was taken on March 4th after midnight which means that it was technically taken on MEREDITH'S BIRTHDAY!!! WOOOOO! Happy 26th Birthday, Gorgeous! I love you! She didn't really feel up to going out on a Saturday night (the Lower East Side on a Saturday night = Guido Nightmare), so we had a nice, quiet birthday celebration in her apartment. ˆ meredith ˆ birthday ˆ

Grant was there! He even got all spiffied up! ˆ grant ˆ dressed up ˆ

Ellen was there! ˆ ellen stagg ˆ boobs ˆ

So were KT, Siege and Amanda! ˆ amanda ˆ katie ˆ siege ˆ

And the Fatty! We basically just chilled out, had some drinks and ate a shit-ton of BIRTHDAY PIZZA! ˆ fatty ˆ meredith ˆ pizza ˆ

Fuck yeah, Rosario's! Mmmmmmmm! ˆ pizza ˆ

Siege and Fatty picked up my cam and used it to capture this sweet close-up. ˆ fatty ˆ siege ˆ

And Katie's is even funnier! Hahah. ˆ katie ˆ

Later that night Meredith and I went back to my apartment where we discovered that one of my British house guests had come home sooooooo drunk that he couldn't even be bothered to inflate their auto-inflating bed! So here's a pic of Chris totally just sleeping on the hardwood floor. Ouch! ˆ andrew jones ˆ floor ˆ

The next day was Meredith's official birthday. We celebrated by eating Bunny Cones (a gift from my mom!). ˆ meredith ˆ bunny ˆ

And then Meredith put on a fashion show to model the new clothes she got from her mom! Safari Meredith! ˆ meredith ˆ safari ˆ

On Tuesday night I went to some bar that Leigh was promoting a new party at. Merlin was there for the party, while I was there for the FREE PIZZA! (PS - How much do you love the fact that it looks like we're wearing different colored versions of the SAME WIG!) ˆ me ˆ merlin ˆ

Julien was there with a really sore throat. I told him that if he opened his mouth really wide, I'd take a picture of it so he could see how red it was! ˆ julien ˆ throat ˆ uvula ˆ

Eeeewwwwww! Diagnosis: Strepp!

Update! Little Ms. Leigh Lezark just IMmed and reminded me that the reason I was actually sticking my camera down Julien's throat wasn't because he was sick, it was because he has two uvalas (the hangy ball in the back of your throat) and I was trying to get a picture of them!) ˆ julien ˆ throat ˆ uvula ˆ

Santa was there, getting his jollies with some Johnny on the rocks. Yeah, that's right. Santa knows what's up. ˆ santa ˆ scotch ˆ

And that was the night I met Anita who reads this site and recognized me and said hi! Hi, Anita! ˆ anita ˆ

On Thursday night I stopped by that speak-easy bar in the Lower East Side (the one that used to be called the Lansky Lounge) and ran into Will McD! It's a running joke that we both look like the bad guys from the movie The Karate Kid, so here we are pulling our best impressions of "Bad Sensei" and "Sweep the Leg Johnny." ˆ me ˆ will mcd ˆ bad sensei ˆ hoodie ˆ sweep the leg johnny ˆ

On Monday night I went to Bowery Ballroom to see a karaoke competition that was organized by Heeb Magazine! ˆ karaoke ˆ

I found my homeboy Adam (one of Heeb's founders) up front snapping pics! ˆ adam b ˆ

This girl was solid, but nothing to write home about. ˆ karaoke ˆ

The crowd was entertained, though! Well, everyone in the crowd except for Larson! He's the guy in the navy shirt who's totally just glaring and waiting for her to hurry up and finish so that his turn to sing can happen sooner). ˆ larson ˆ crowd ˆ karaoke ˆ

The panel of celebrity judges (celebrity judges!) weighing in on her performance. ˆ judges ˆ karaoke ˆ

The lovely Rina was there. (I've only seen Rina like less than 10 times and at least 8 of those times have been at something karaoke-related). ˆ rina ˆ

Finally, it was Larson's turn to take the stage! He always comes prepared...and by prepared I mean he always carries around an inflatable guitar with him just in case karaoke breaks out. ˆ larson ˆ karaoke ˆ

After watching the karaoke competition (I didn't RSVP in time to be a contestant), I headed over to Pianos to SING some karaoke! Hahah. Here's me and Shanthrax. ˆ me ˆ shandi ˆ

Sparkle Boots was there! This was a girl that Fatty dated for a while (whose proper name I still don't know because we all just called her Sparkle Boots!). ˆ sparkle boots ˆ

I also ran into Kevin (only his red Super Mario pants and blue shirt are visible in this photo). He's a karaoke character that I know from way back in the early Nolita Tavern days of Sid & Buddy karaoke! I'll never forget the night the karaoke machine broke and the 5 or 6 of us that were there all agreed to go up and sing our karaoke songs a capella! Every one did fun, sing-a-long type songs and then Kevin went up and sang the theme song from M*A*S*H. (You know, the one that has 8 verses, each followed with a refrain that goes "suicide is painless." Needless to say, no one really felt like singing again (ever!) after he'd finished! ˆ kevin ˆ shandi ˆ

Shandi got sad just from me telling her the story about it. Hahah. ˆ shandi ˆ sad ˆ

On Thursday night, Meredith, Amanda and I went over to Siege and KT's for movie night! Meredith fell asleep on the floor... ˆ amanda ˆ katie ˆ meredith ˆ passed out ˆ

...and I smoked so much pot that my eyes got teeny tiny and I kept laughing so hard that I was crying. I'm not even sure if we ended up watching a movie. Yay, movie night! ˆ me ˆ cry ˆ

On Friday night I was back at Odessa and look who rolled in around 2am! That's right, it's ASIAN PORNO LADY! ˆ asian porno lady ˆ me ˆ porn ˆ

I grabbed a stack of her wares and started going through them, reading each title out loud. (I love the fact that she's cracking up in this photo). ˆ asian porno lady ˆ me ˆ laugh ˆ porn ˆ

I ended up purchasing two copies of Juicy Wet Asses. ˆ asian porno lady ˆ me ˆ porn ˆ

One for this guy! (Who was totally stroked stoked about it). ˆ grant ˆ porn ˆ

And one for this guy (Grant's friend Mike Cohen) who was definitely less-excited. (Is he wincing?) ˆ mike cohen ˆ porn ˆ

Eventually, the bartender even came over to check out what other titles APL had in stock. Hahah. ˆ asian porno lady ˆ me ˆ bartender ˆ porn ˆ

Goodnight, Asian Porno Lady! Thanks for all the porno! And thanks for letting me lick your tiny, copper penis! ˆ asian porno lady ˆ me ˆ best ˆ copper ˆ penis ˆ

On Sunday, Meredith and I went up to the IMAX theater on the Upper West Side to see Deep Sea in 3-D! It fucking ruled. ˆ me ˆ 3D ˆ glasses ˆ

Later, while walking down Houston Street I came across this flier taped to a pole near Ave B and totally lost my shit. Hahaha. This is probably only instantly funny if you've ever lived in NYC and know about the infamous "Man with a Van" moving dude who used to be the king of flier self-promotion. Looks like someone (with a giant magic marker!) decided to try to one-up him. Hahah. ˆ man with a bigger van ˆ

On Thursday night, Grant and I went over to Hiro to see Karen and Sarah who were DJing some party there. ˆ karen ˆ sarah ˆ

Karen getting ready to lick Grant's face. ˆ grant ˆ karen ˆ tongue ˆ

My teen-crush Annabella was there! ˆ annabella ˆ

And it turns out she was there with a girl, who now I realize in retrospect, I might have at one time traded dirty photos with online but had never actually met in person....er, until now. So, yeah, nice to meet you. (Awkward!) ˆ chrystal ˆ grant ˆ

Grant giving Annabella a wet willy. Hahaha. ˆ annabella ˆ

On the walk back east, Grant and I came across this poster advertising the sequel to Queensryche's Operation: Mindcrime (the album that basically defined the year 1988 for me). There was only one thing that could express how we felt about the fact that Queensryche had finally gotten around to releasing the sequel Mindcrime 18 years later... ˆ queensryche ˆ

...and that's a motherfucking DLR (David Lee Roth) jump-kick! ˆ grant ˆ dlr kick ˆ jump ˆ

Back at the apartment that night I snuggled up on the couch with Mer and Niki, watched a bunch of TV... ˆ meredith ˆ niki ˆ

...and admired Mer's buttcrack! Hahah. Happy March 2006! ˆ buttcrack ˆ