Sunday, August 7th
On Sunday morning, we packed up all our stuff, bade farewell to the site
of the first session of English Camp, and piled onto the bus to head to
the site of the second session of camp.
Whereas our first session of camp was pretty small, we had something like
150 campers that were mostly the children of Samsung employees (Samsung
is the company that was sponsoring the camp), the second session was
MUCH larger. Like five or six hundred kids. And instead of getting kids
who were there because their parents work for the camp-sponsor, the second
group was made up entirely of kids that come from low-income families and
were specially recommended to attend the camp by the Ministry of Education
because they'd shown exceptional aptitude in English! After a hairy several-hour
drive through Korea, we finally reached the site where we'd be teaching
classes.
The second camp was near Everland, which is the (Samsung-owned) Korean
equivalent to Disneyworld. They'd taken an entire hotel that typically
caters to families visiting Everland and transformed it into a "school" for
us.
Instead of having to share one classroom with three other teachers, in
the second camp I was given my very own classroom! We spent most of Sunday
afternoon setting up our classrooms and decorating them.
Each class was given a Disney movie name - my class was Monsters,
Inc.
After getting our classrooms all set up for the kids (who were arriving
the next day) all the teachers boarded the bus again and we were driven
3 minutes to the hotel we'd be staying at for the next few weeks. (A real
hotel this time!). Here's Mike Doyle handing out hotel room keys and laughing
about...
...my misspelled name. Wah wah.
Now that all the Americans were thirty minutes removed from all the Korean
teachers and in a totally different town, the whole "no drinking at
all or you'll get sent home" policy was relaxed a bit and turned into
the "go
drink as much as you want just don't get arrested or something" policy.
Lucky for us, there was a tiny carnival-type theme park just a ten-minute
walk down the road from our hotel!
After getting settled into our rooms,
a whole bunch of us decided to walk down to check it out.
Andy and Mike and everyone else!
Jeff Koyen (picking a winner!) and Paul.
Dan (who was my roomie in our new hotel) shows off what he got when he ordered
a large beer.
After we'd gotten our buzz on, we decided it was time to investigate the
rides. They were all the sketchy boardwalk-type rides that you need to
buy tickets to ride. (aka - the best kind).
Right in the middle of the park was this ride. The ride was familiar to
us - it's the one that's a circle and people sit around the edges and it
spins around and tilts up and down as it spins - no biggie. But what was
unique about it was that it was sort of up on this stage-like platform
and there were rows of benches for audience members to watch. We were like
"I wonder what the big deal is?"
So, we bought our tickets and got on.
The ride was practically empty - it was me, Mike, Michael and like three
or four other Koreans. So then the ride starts up and we realize that what's
unique about it is that the guy controlling the ride has a microphone and
uses it to interrogate/torture the riders by asking them questions and
then shaking and/or bouncing the shit out of them while they try to answer.
Since non-Koreans are kind of a rarity in this part of Korea, we were instant
celebrities, and the guy controlling the ride WOULD NOT LEAVE US alone.
The bleachers totally filled up as he spent the next 30 minutes (literally!)
asking us questions in broken English while making fun of us in Korean
to the audience and spinning us around and bumping us up and down. It was
INSANITY.
The worst part was that the only handles that you could use to hold on
while being bounced or spun were behind you at shoulder height. But when
you reached back to hang on, every time the ride bounced, your triceps
would get smashed against the ride. (But, in retrospect, it was still the
best ride-value I've ever gotten for three tickets!)
We met back up with the group to find that Andy had gone firework shopping while
we'd been gone. (Apparently he'd bought a whole bunch of Roman candles which
we'd be using for a forthcoming fireworks fight.)
Testing them out over the water.
Aside from the big rides, the park was also littered with all these huge,
furry mechanical animals! You'd put like a dollar in change into the side
of it and then it would start walking around and you could get on its
back and drive it around the park for a few minutes until your time ran
out. Sooo fun!
Me about to eat some sort of corn-fried mystery food.
Drinking at any type of boardwalk/amusement park always leads to one thing...
feats of strength!!! Michael decided to go first. He did ok, but didn't
manage to ring the bell.
Andy went next. Three swings, three strikes! No prize for you!
Dan went next and....
...rang the bell TWICE!
One fuzzy bunny prize for you!
I went last (and much to my surprise)...
...actually managed to ring the bell! Yay, fuzzy bunny for me!
Monday, August 8th
The next morning was my 29th birthday! Here I am at 7:24am boarding a bus
to kick off the second session of English Camp.
If any of you are wondering what August in rural Korea is like, check the
weatherboard. Forecast calling for the next NINE STRAIGHT DAYS to be in
the mid-eighties with high humidity and thunderstorms. Ooof.
Go, English Camp!
Right before noon, the kids started arriving by the busload. Check out
the total parking lot insanity as we tried to sort them into their classes.
John shows off his sweet English Village t-shirt and the HUGE purple on
his tricep he got after made the mistake of riding on "the ride" after
us the previous night. Hahaha. We tried to warn him!
The rest of the day
was such a whirlwind of craziness, I didn't even manage to take any more
pictures! So let's fast forward to the hotel later that night...
...where a few of the fellas were kind enough to head to the hotel
bar with me to do a celebratory birthday shot of tequila. Hoo-ah.
When the bartender busted out the huge, carver-crystal glasses to pour
the shots in, we knew we were in trouble.
Mike, Michael, Andy, me, Paul and Dan. Thanks guys!
It's time for everyone to show their off their "Boy, I sure love cheap-ass
bar tequila" faces. Here's Paul's.
Michael's. (Who actually looks like he sorta enjoyed it!)
My mouth feels like burning.
After a few more drinks at the hotel, we decided to hop into a taxi and
head back into town to fuck around at the carnival.
The amusement park was pretty much dead this time around, so we decided
to venture down the road a little further and head into town proper...
and on the way we discovered a road-side stand with fully-automatic BB
guns designed to look like assault rifles. YES! It was the game where they
give you a tube of BB ammo and you have to use it to completely shoot out
a red star on a paper target.
Michael and I preparing to mount our assault.
Best. Birthday. Ever. Hahah.
Our totally masterful marksmanship was rewarded with these two fluffy pink
bones. Ummmm, yeah.
After our big win, we continued walking down the road until we reached
town. Here's Mike giving some love to a giant inflatable beer.
Next, we found one of the few restaurants that was still serving food and
I was lucky enough to get birthday bi bim bab! My favorite!
Mmmmmm! Birthday-tastic!
After our delicious late night dinner, we went and found a corner store
and stocked up on exotic Korean treats. I scored two energy drinks for
the next morning (waking up at 7am isn't something I'm very good at) and
a Twix. But not just any Twix...
...a coffee Twix!
While waiting outside for a taxi to come by, check out this mangy little
fella we made friends with. Hahahah. He was soooo cute, but he totally
stunk like a musky asshole. Barf!
My 29th birthday extravaganza officially ended at 12:14am when a cab showed
up. Woo! Happy Birthday to me!
Tuesday, August 9th
The next morning we were all feeling pretty tired from our "big night out."
Hahaha. Here's Dan totally asleep in the hotel lobby while we were waiting
for the bus to show up and take us to our second day of school.
Here's my class! Jay (my Korean teacher) and I had thirteen kids this time
around!
Lunchtime aftermath.
Koreans are hardcore about discipline. These two kids did something to
disrespect their Korean teacher, so as punishment they had to go up to
the lobby of the hotel and were forced to kneel on the hard, tiled floor
and keep both their arms raised in the air for FORTY-FIVE MINUTES! Fucking
insanity. Will (the guy in the red hat) was sitting there to make sure
they kept their arms held high, if they started to let them fall at all,
he would yell at them and threatened to increase the amount of time.
Back at the hotel we decided to treat ourselves to some good old American
gluttony and order ourselves a motherfucking Pizza Hut deep-dish pan pizza.
Awwww, yeah.
Wednesday, August 10th
Wednesday was pretty sweet. In the morning I worked with my class to get
them to pick a team name and design a poster for an upcoming series
of competitive events. Team Giant Phoenix decided they wanted their motto
to be "We will kick your head!!"
Then, later that morning, we had our first visit to one of the many Disney-movie-themed
rooms. In each of these classrooms, they'd get to watch the movie the room
was based on (in this case, Beauty and the Beast).
After the movie,
I'd use my teacher's guidebook to take them through all kinds
of quizzes and activities that tested them on their comprehension of the
movie and gave them a chance to practice their conversational English.
After we'd finished with all our Beauty and the Beast activities, we returned
to our classroom to prepare for our first class trip to a huge water park
(that part of Everland) called Caribbean Bay. In Korea, any time you go
swimming, everyone is required to wear a swimming cap (I still have no
idea why). So before we left for the park, I handed out swimming caps to
all my kids along with some permanent markers so they could decorate and
personalize them.
Potter went for the very convincing Nike look.
While John went for the totally awesome Mexican wrestler look. Hahaha.
Here's Andy and I with our totally sweet caps about to board the bus.
Caribbean Bay!
Fast forward four hours later and here we are soaking wet and about to
board the bus. (Hey, it's a water park! I had to leave my camera in a locker
the whole time).
While we waited for the buses to arrive...
...I decided to sample some of the local amusement park delicacies. I was
craving a funnel cake, but couldn't find one so I ended up having to settle
for this. Can you use the illustrations on the box to guess the tasty treat
inside? (The answer was in English on the reverse side).
Well, if you guessed "Peanut Buttered Roast Squid," you are CORRECT, sir! (I
literally blew my kids' minds when I told them I didn't like the peanut buttered
squid. They were like "Why teacher, why? It's sooooo good!"
Later that night, the bus that showed up at school to take us back to our
hotel had these awesome party lights on the ceiling.
The bus driver turned on music and the lights all flashed in time to the
beat!
Later that night, a bunch of us ventured back into town to do some shopping
and exploring at the local mall.
It's okay to eat at McDonald's when you're traveling as long as you order
one of the weird local sandwiches that you can't get at a McDonald's in
the States.
In South Korea, the McDonald's specialty sandwich is the Bulgogi Burger!
A beef patty marinated in sweet, garlicky sauce. Mmmmmmm.
Mike enjoying his garlicky first bite. After eating we headed out to explore
the rest of the mall and do some shopping.
Unfortunately, Little Bang Bang was closed for the evening so we ended
up going over to...
...Carrefour (which is France's
answer to Walmart) to do our shopping!
First off, we stocked up on some booze!
How about an entire gallon of Korean mystery hooch for 7,900 Won (about
$8 USD)?
What's it made from, you ask? Who knows! Possibly, it's made from an assortment
of fruits (or maybe it just goes well with an assortment of fruits)? We're
still not sure. But at $8 for a 60-proof gallon, we figured we couldn't
go wrong!
My other purchases of the evening included a floral-print shirt (for an
upcoming Hawaiian-themed day at school), delicious apple-mint Xylitol gum,
a box of weird chocolate treats, and giant, HINGED sun visor.
Whereas in most of the Western world, it's considered fashionable to have
a tan, in most of the East, having a tan is considered gauche. So the lighter
your skin is, the more attractive you are. So people go really far out
of their way to avoid getting tan, which is where these visors come in.
(People seriously wear them all over Korea!). I however, was more interested
in using it as...
...a welding mask-like face guard for the upcoming fireworks fight.
Thursday, August 11th
Thursday was a fun day. After morning lessons we played piju (sp?), which
is exactly like dodge ball, except that when you get "out," instead
of being out of the game, you leave your team's side and you go behind
the enemy team's court where your teammates can throw you the ball and
you can try to peg the enemy team from behind. Sooo fun.
Then it was time for lunch. With fries!
If you fall asleep in Teacher Brian's class...
...this is what happens! Hahaha.
On the bus back to our hotel, we made a SHOCKING discovery! Remember how
I mentioned earlier on that the bus had a sound-system with a synchronized
light show? What we neglected to realize at the time, was that the bus
also had a...
...motherfucking built-in KARAOKE SYSTEM! Holy fucking shit, it's like my ultimate
dream come true.
You sign up for a song and then when it's your turn to sing, the microphone
cord can be slid down this guided-track type thingy to make sure it can
reach any seat! It was incredible!
And the best part? You're on a bus and you have a CAPTIVE AUDIENCE! When
you sing karaoke at a bar, you have to weigh what you want to sing against
what the crowd is likely to tolerate. If you pick a horrible song, everyone
will simply go outside and smoke until your song is over. But on a bus,
there's no escape. So if you want to sing Believe by Cher (Yes
Sean, I'm looking in your direction) there's nothing anybody can do but
listen. Hahah.
Look how happy I am. Hahahah.
How has this not shown up here in the States yet? I'm at a loss.
Back at the hotel we stayed up late drinking that budget liquor we'd bought,
eating junk food and getting way too competitive about...
...placing bets on...
...hundreds of rounds of some ultimate fighting-type show. Our hotel only
had one tv station in English and it pretty much played nothing but this
fighting show 24-7 (which we were all pretty much totally okay with). Hahah.
Friday, August 12th
The next morning I learned the hard
way why a gallon of that mystery liquor only cost $8. ("Ow, myfuckinghead!!!").
Thankfully, the little snack-shop inside our school sold something called
"Hangover Solution Dawn 808." At first I was skeptical, but much
to my surprise Dawn 808 fixed me right up. I just Googled it and found
out that they have since started selling it in the US. I visited their
website totally learned about how it works:
There! Got it?
My hangover cured, I headed to my classroom to work with my kids on rehearsing
our skit for the big upcoming talent show.
Lunch.
So check this insanity out: We have about 100 kids playing games outside
in the parking lot when all of a sudden this huge truck with a giant cylindrical
tank on the back pulls into the parking lot. One of the American teachers
turns to me and says, "We should go inside, that truck's about to
spray the entire perimeter of the camp with an anti-mosquito pesticide." I
was like "Wait, shouldn't we get everyone to come inside then?" He
was like,
"Waste of time. The Korean government says the pesticide isn't harmful
so none of the Koreans worry about it."
So by now, he and I are having this conversation from inside the lobby
and we're watching the huge truck idling near a group of kids that are
playing. Right as I'm hearing all of this, the truck starts moving forward
and simultaneously spaying a HUGE cloud of pesticide right into the faces
of about 30 kids. See this photo? The cloud of pesticide is so thick that
you can't even see the kids inside of it!!!
A few minutes later, all the kids want to come inside because their
eyes, mouths and throats are all "burning" and it's not fun to play
outside until "the clouds are gone." Scaaaaaaaaaary!
After my kids had all finished flushing the poison out of their eyes,
we played a Mad-Lib game where they each write about describing an
alien they met. After they were finished, I had them each illustrate
their aliens.
Dinner was interesting. They served assorted pasta mixed with mayonnaise
and fruit cocktail. (No, I'm not kidding - note the maraschino cherry).
With the day's learning behind us, we rounded up all the kids and
prepared for our first visit to EVERLAND!
Needless to say, the kids were all stoked.
Even Luche Libre was excited.
The main purpose of the trip was to watch something
called
"the light parade." We arrived at the park with a little time to spare
before the light parade started, so I took my class to see if we could manage
to sneak in a few quick rides.
We started out with this one.
By the way, Koreans think all non-Koreans are awesome dressers...
...and even better DANCERS! Hahahaha.
After we finished the first ride, I realized that we only had time for one more
ride before we had to meet up with the rest of the camp to watch the light parade.
Rather than dick around on another "small ride," I managed to talk my somewhat
reluctant class to trek all the way across the park to try to ride on the Eagle
Fortress, the largest of Everland's roller coasters.
Potter and Bruce. Hahah.
Julie, Kelly and Lisa (otherwise known as Eun-bin, Min-jeong, Jae-kyung! But
it was English camp so I luckily got to call them by their English names which
were way easier for me to remember!).
What little enthusiasm the kids had been able to feign while waiting in
line for the ride, quickly disappeared as soon as they were strapped into
the motherfucker. Even Jay, my Korean teacher, was a little worried. Hahahah.
Too late now!
Here's them posing for a group photo after we got off the ride (notice that Shirley,
all the way on the right, is still in tears. Hahaha).
Then we went over to check out the light parade.
It started out a little underwhelming...
...mostly made of people dancing around in costumes with lots of LED lights on
them.
But then they started rolling out all these huge mechanized vehicles covered
in lights that were really impressive!
It was pretty over the top.
See?
Last but not least, an entire seven-car train covered in lights!
Later that night, after relaxing at the hotel for a while, Mike, Andy, Michael
and I decided to head down the road and get a few beers and eat some bi bim bab
at an outdoor restaurant that we'd noticed on the drive earlier in the day.
The restaurant was located directly across the street from the carnival
park, so after getting our bellies filled with bi bim bab, we decided
to head across the street and ride some more rides!
We decided to skip out on this ride...
...and instead headed to the arcade where Mike tried to turn his real-life DJ
skills into videogame-DJ skills. (Abysmal failure.)
When we came out of the arcade, we noticed that there was one of those
huge pirate ship rides! (We hadn't noticed it any of the other nights
because it was in a remote part of the park and if it's not running,
it's easy to miss.) At first we thought it was out of service, but
then we noticed there was a guy sitting in the little operator's booth.
We asked "How come it's not running?" He was
like "Because no one on it! You want ride? Buy ticket!" So we did.
They guy was totally stoked to have customers and told us "You ride
as long as you want!" Yes!!!
So ride we did! We seriously stayed on the thing for at LEAST 45 minutes.
He'd start the ride, let it go for three or four minutes at a time,
stop it, then over the loudspeaker, he'd ask us "One more time?" We'd
scream "Yeah!" He'd go "I can't hear you! One more time?" This would
go on until we'd finally scream loud enough to convince him, and he'd
start the ride up again.
It was amazing. Andy and I sat on one end of the ship and Michael and
Mike sat at the other end.
Here's a close up. Hahahah.
And here's Andy and I. Hahahahah.
Saturday, August 13th
On Saturday morning, we rounded up all the kids, put them on buses,
drove them to a nearby forest and then marched them uphill to a...
...NAZI DEATHCAMP! Just kidding! In most of Asia, Buddhist temples
are demarcated by what Westerners perceive to be a "backwards swastika"
but is more properly known as a "left-facing"
swastika that's called a "sauwastika."
We were taking the class on a 90-minute hike all the way to the summit
of a mountain to visit a local Buddhist temple. Here are the stairs
at the end of the trail.
The view inside the temple walls.
Me with a bunch of my kids.
The view from the edge of the temple compound.
In the distance you can see our school building!
Kids hiding from the sun in the shade of one of the pagodas.
Check out the detailed woodwork and painting.
Amazing.
Potter wanted to borrow my sunglasses and camera...
...so here's his picture of sweaty, squinty, sunglass-less me.
And here's a picture of one of the temple dogs feeding a bunch of her
puppies!
Awwwwwwwww! What's that? You want me to end this entry with a
close up of the puppies for maximum cuteness?
You got it! (Awwwww!)
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