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After years of dating, Matt Schneider finally had the good
sense to pop the question to the lovely Beverly
Chase (I mean, how many times in your life are
you gonna get the chance to marry the "Class
Wit" of Roxbury High School's Class of '95? It's
about time he wised up!).
So I'm sitting around Meredith's apartment late Saturday afternoon
getting my suit out of my suitcase and getting it ready to wear to
Bev and Matt's wedding later that day when Meredith asked me about
the details of the wedding. I was like "Both the ceremony and the reception
are at the Puck Building - let me get the invite and see what time
I have to be there." I looked at the invite and saw that it said something
like "Black and white requested." I suddenly panicked, "Meredith! Does
that mean I need to have a tux? The only shirt and tie are brought
are blue! Am I a total scrub if I wear that to the wedding? Am I gonna
be the jerky guy that ruins everything? Oh shit! We need to find me
a tux!" Meredith helped me with my quest and we eventually found a
store in Midtown that was still open and could hook me up if I hurried.
We left the apartment immediately and made it in time!
Perfect! I'm ready for the wedding!
Fast forward a few hours to the ceremony in the downstairs ballroom
of the Puck Building. The wedding ceremony was beautiful. The entire
room was lit in candlelight and directly above Bev and Matt was a sheet
of glass with hundreds of candles. It was rad.
The only weird thing was all the guys there were super-insecure about
their bald spots and felt the need to try to hide them with these funny,
little white half-hats. I was like "Fellas, I feel your pain and all
but those hats aren't foolin' anyone! Geesh!"
Ladies and Gentleman...Mr. and Mrs. Matt...oh wait. Bev decided to
keep her last name so that doesn't work. Hmmm. Ladies and Gentlemen...the
people that just got married!
First dance! Woooo!
For a strange moment Matt began to fade away just like Michael J. Fox
does in Back to the Future and we all worried that maybe Bev had accidentally
fallen in love with her son from the future and now that she had
married him he was going to cease to exist...
...but it turned out he was only joking around.
Emily and I. "Holy Crap! Look! Bev Chase is MARRIED!"
"And Holy Crap! Matt learned to dance!"
Mazel Tov! After the first dance was over, everyone mobbed the dancefloor
to do all the fun dances. Normally, I'd have awesome pics of Bev and
Matt
getting shaken up and down in the chairs, but I was drafted to be a
chair-shaker.
Yay!
More crowd-dancing action shots!
More.
Matt doing some kind of awesome shoulder-holding footsie-type dance.
See?
More dancing.
And, oh yes, even more dancing.
The Maids of Honor: Christina, Kristie and Emily.
After the crowd-dancing was over, it was time for some regular wedding
dancing!
Christina shakes what Mama gave her.
Bev and her Dad!
Bridesmaid Emily with the cutest little girl in the world!
Bev giving a double-handed "Get a load of these moves, sucka!"
After dancing up an appetite, it was time to chow dizzown.
Gary and his wife.
This guy gave what was, hands down, the worst speech given by a best
man anywhere ever. I don't even think homeboy prepared for this shit.
He just went up there and rambled on and on for like fifteen minutes
(literally...fifteen) and N O T H I N G. At first it was sort of funny
because everyone was all uncomfortable. But by like minute ten, the
everyone was openly starting to hate him.
Christina's reaction.
Ben's reaction.
Emily's reaction as the speech passed the ten minute mark.
Everybody make your nice faces! Okay, now everybody make your...
...silly faces! (Uh, Christie. That's not very silly.)
Ben taking Bride Bev back out on the dancefloor.
Mama Chase and Ben Berliner.
Emily shows off her "dirty dancing secret."
Christina, Emily and Kristie went up to the mic to announce that they
were...
...going to sing a song for Bev and Matt that Christina had written
for the occasion.
Which made Bev so very happy.
A cupcake wedding cake? What's better than that?
Mmmmmm....nothing.
(Note the empy tables in the background. Everyone else was going crazy
on the dancefloor - but I mean, who can dance when there are delicious
cupcakes that want to be eaten?)
Father of the Bride! (Apologizing for the Best Man's speech).
Nah, just kidding. He was congratulating Bev and Matt.
Bev dancing with her dad.
Soooo good!
Here's Matt leading the obligitory "Jews Are Number One! Jews Are Number
One!" group chant that happens at all Jewish Wedding when the think
all the Gentiles
have
left.
Emily getting all sensual with the chocolate covered strawberries an'
shit.
After a few more Scotches I got up the courage to ask the band if they'd
let me sing a diddy or two. (It's sorta like high-stakes karaoke because
if you fuck up your jam there's like a professional camera crew there
to immortalize your assholishness forever).
Kristie and Bev watching me sloon (that's when you're crooning and
slurring at the same time).
Congrats, Bev and Matt! I'm so happy for you guys! Thanks for inviting
me!
(added
on 10.20.2005)
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