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Mid-November, Philip and I headed out from San Francisco
to Las Vegas to talk about AdBrite at some advertising conference
there
(See also: Business
in Vegas - June 15, 2003)
We arrived on Monday night and checked into the Hilton.
Sure the Bellagio
and the Venetian are nicer, but they sure as hell don't have...
...the mothefucking Star Trek-themed Quark's Restaurant! Awwww, yeah
boy-eeeeeee! Who wants to stay in a hotel that's filled with hot
chicks when you could be enjoying a Warp Core Breach with a grown man
dressed
up
as a Klingon! (More on that later, though).
So before we left for the conference, we had a huge AdBrite banner
made up for our booth, but the airline lost it. We went to Kinko's
in Vegas to order a new one, but they told us that it would take at
least 24 hours. So we decided to take matters into our own hands and
make our own giant banner. (Yep, that's right - with Crayola
paint).
One of us had a tiff of the logo on our laptop so we got it blown up
super big and printed out on a giant paper banner. We then hand-painted it.
The entire time we laughed about how ghetto it is to show up at an
advertising themed conference (you know, where people are supposed
to be experts on how to advertise) with a fucking paper, hand-painted
banner.
But in the end, all things considered, it didn't end up looking too
bad! Nice, right?
Er, at least if you looked at it from a distance.
The airline also lost Philip's giant "Fucked Company" banner. (He started
a site called FuckedCompany.com and people always want to meet him.
So we planned on enticing people over with the FC banner and then talking
to them about AdBrite). So we decided to also make a banner that said
"Fucked Company" and explained that the airline lost our signs.
Here's our totally ghetto-ass booth all set up the next morning at
the conference. We ended up taking the "Fucked Company" banner down
because we were worried that people might think that we were saying
that we were a fucked company because the airline lost our banner -
instead of realizing that AdBrite's founder had started a website called
FuckedCompany. Da-da-disaster! Instead of trying to explain how we
were feeling, how about I just show a close-up of Philip's expression?
Yep, that about sums it up.
Vegas is the only place I know where you can buy a fucking soda with
a credit card (I mean, just because you lost ALL of your cash trying
to big balls at the no-limit table doesn't mean that you shouldn't
be
able
to enjoy a tasty Mountain Dew, right?)
As far as I'm concerned, there's only way to relax after a hard day
of talking about your start-up to hundreds of strangers. That's right,
the genteel, pleasant atmosphere of Star Trek-themed restaurant.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the very best of Star Trek-themed
alcoholic beverages, the WARP CORE BREACH! (Please
note the vapor cloud in the container due to the copious amounts of
dry ice they put in it).
What exactly is in a Warp Core Breach, you ask? Here you go! (Actually
we both only ordered the Mini-Warp Core Breaches, but with 5 oz of
liquor, it's still packing the punch of almost three regular drinks).
After getting our Warp Core buzz on, we decided to hit the Star Trek-themed
rides in the Star Trek-themed casino. First we went on one of those
rides where you get in a theater that's on hydraulic lifts and when
stuff on the screen moves the pistons shake the shit out of the little
box you're in and it feels like you're moving. These rides are great
sober, but throw in a Warp Core Breach and the fun's only magnified!
Next we took it up a notch (from DorkFactor4 to DorkFactor7 if you
were wondering) and did the "Borg" themed 3-D movie ride. This photo's
blurry because you're not supposed to take pics and right as I was
taking it, some huge guy in god-damned Klingon outfit screamed "NO
PHOTOS!" at me over the PA and this almost turned into a blurry photo
of Philip and I crapping in our pants.
After DorkFest was over, Philip and I went to the MGM to get our gamble
on.
Then later, I guess we hit the Bellagio too. Despite
the amount I go out, I'm kind of a lightweight when it comes to booze
and
the
free
scotch
that
was
flowing
at the
casino ended
up making me too drunk to do much besides...
...crave In-n-Out Burger. I remember that the only In-N-Out that was
open was waaaaay the fuck across town and we bribed our driver into
taking us there by offereing to buy him whatever the fuck he wanted.
Homeboy practically pulled a U-ey in the middle of the street.
The next morning our new banner that we'd ordered from
Kinko's right when we realized the first one had been lost showed up!
Here's Philip, instilled with a new sense of confidence, in front of
our brand new (much more professional looking) banner! Hey, I'll give
you one guess where we decided to go after we were done for the day...
...awwwww, yeah. Let me hear you, Quark's!
This time, we actually decided to have dinner there! Philip got some
kooky burger and I opted for the...
...FLAMING RIBS OF TARG!
In the hour that we were there, Philip went through TWO of the half-sized
Warp Core Breaches (meaning he consumed 10 oz of liquor - the equivalent
of six and a half drinks - in about an hour!!!). Half-way
through his second drink he started trying to pry his drink's glass
container out of the metal holding
stand.
After he couldn't get the glass out, he decided to try to pick out
the dry ice in his drink with his bare fingers...and he burned the
fuck out of them. When he hopped up out of the booth to run to the
bathroom and wash his instantly frost-bitten fingers under some warm
water, the amount of booze he'd consumed caught up with him and he
fell out of the booth and almost sprawled out on the floor.
Oh wait, you mean you thought I was kidding about there being Klingons
walking around in there? Seriously, as funny as this picture is, this
guy was
TOTALLY intimidating. He had a deep, booming voice and refused to break
from his Klingon character in any way. Imagine being all drunk and
having this dude come over and be like "Tell me: your mission is going
well?" And when you try to fuck with him or laugh he just glares and
says
something else equally abrasive in Klingon (yes, Klingon as in the
made up language that nerds have actually taught
themselves to speak).
Too fucking much. After like ten minutes of awkward, forced sci-fi
non-conversation (half of it in a made-up language, no less),
I finally
convinced
him
to let me "capture our likeness together on my holographic print cube."
Jesus.
Here's us with an elder Klingon. The two people on the left hammed
in on our photo opp because they were too scared to ask the other younger
Klingon for a photo. (That's how seriously intimidating he was! Other
adults were too scared to ask him for a photo! Hahahahah).
After our Klingon encounter dinner, we
met up with Justin (from Proxify) and his wife for some more gambling.
Then late night we hit whatever club is up on the roof of the Mandalay
Bay hotel (maybe the Foundation Room?) to meet up with...
...my roommate's
friend Amber (who you may remember as the make-up artist that transformed
the three of us into Cross-dressing
Hula Zombies)
and two of her friends.
We ended up getting crunked out of minds and going back to the Bellagio
to eat breakfast at like 7am.
Vegas, baby. Vegas.
After a few (piss-poor) hours of sleep, I hopped in a cab and headed
for the airport. Instead of going back to SF, I was heading to NYC
for a few business meetings, my friend Bev's wedding and finally, Thanksgiving
with the fam in NJ before heading back to SF.
Once you get away from all the new building and the palm trees...
...the fact that Vegas is in the middle of a barren desert totally
smacks you in the face. On to NYC...
(added
on 10.03.2005)
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