Just as Warhol said that everyone can be famous for fifteen minutes, Nerve believes that anyone can be a sexpert for at least thirty seconds. This week: DJs.

Leigh, 21

What’s the best way to approach someone on the dance floor?
None! Make them approach you! Give eyes from across the room. Also, I’m a big fan of dancing scandalously with all the gay boys. But more often than not, I think that just ends up intimidating a lot of guys. If you don’t have the courage to go grab someone and start dancing, just keep drinking until you do.

Assuming all goes well on the dance floor, how do you transition to your place?
Try to get them somewhere quieter where you can make small talk, over by the bar or somewhere to smoke a cigarette. Pretend you’re really interested in whatever they’re saying. And plying them with lots of drinks never hurts either.

Do I, in fact, need to lick it before we kick it?
Ooh! A little lick’s always a nice starter, but no, it’s not necessary. If you’re going to do that to me, you have to follow through and take care of me. Guys who’ll go down a bit and then take off or fall asleep – it makes me want to fucking cut them.

What qualifies as cheating: flirting, kissing, fooling around or full-on fucking?
Everything but flirting is cheating.

Really? Even a little kiss? Like a drunk kiss at a party? That’s cheating?
If it's someone you're "just sleeping with," or the relationship has no official status, there’s room for a grey area. But if you have a girlfriend and it’s understood that you’re both monogamous, kissing is cheating.

Well, let’s say I was drunk at a party and I kissed another woman. I still care deeply about my girlfriend and it was a one-time indiscretion. Should I tell her?
First off, you’re a total ASSHOLE. Then I think it depends.

On what?
On whether you cry when you tell her.

What’s the best way to get the DJ to come home with you?
Persistence. Go to all their gigs. Hang around the DJ booth. Give them the eye, but play it cool. Some guy tried to get me to come home with him last week!

You say "tried." What was his failed rap?
I was DJing. He said, “Come dance with me!” I was like, “Uhhh, I’m DJing.” Then he grabbed my arm and said, “You dance in the DJ booth and I’ll just dance near you out here.” That didn’t really fly.

Should I tell my current girlfriend about my wild sexual past?
You should not. Never. Keep it to yourself, or it will come back to haunt you.

What if they hear about it from someone else first?
Well, if it’s a girl, she’s not going to ask you. She doesn’t want to know. If she’s asking you about it, always try to change the subject. If that doesn’t work, go down on her every time she brings it up.

Lick the thoughts right out of her head?
Exactly.

You're good friends with both the male and female halves of a couple. You have no particular loyalty to either one. You find out one is cheating on the other. Do you tell?
It’s not really your business. I wouldn’t tell. But if you have to get involved, talk to the cheating party first.

Under what circumstances should someone fake an orgasm?
If you’re fucking tired and you’re sleeping with a guy who’s like, “I’m not going to come until you do.” Sometimes that’s easier, because otherwise the guy will feel like he failed, and he’ll want to talk about it when all you want to do is go to bed. But there is long-term danger – if you fake it too often, the person never learns that you’re not really being satisfied. It’s okay as an occasional quick fix, especially with oral. If someone’s going down on you, there’s a lot of pressure to orgasm because that’s the reason they’re down there. You’re like, “Fuck, he’s not coming up for air until he thinks I’ve gotten off.” But with sex, it’s not the world if you don’t have an orgasm. I just love the act of having sex. I can really do without the orgasm.

What are some do's and don'ts for making an X-rated home movie?
There are no do’s, because making an X-rated movie is one big don’t as far as I’m concerned. There should be no permanent records of yourself naked! I’m even paranoid that sometimes there’s hidden cameras. I’m like, “Why don’t we get totally under the covers before we have the sex?”

In a long-term relationship, how can you keep sex interesting?
Having sex in semi-public places like a bathroom, movie theater or a cab. Places where people can't full-on see, but there's a chance you'll get caught. That gets me so hot. And so many girls have told me the same thing. Girls like naughty. They might try to pretend they don’t, but they do.

What's a diplomatic way to ask your partner to improve their oral sex technique?
Get in there and move them. Grab their head and guide them by moving their face around with your hands.

What's a no-fail cunnilingus technique?
You’ve got to get your fingers in there. If you’re using your mouth and hands simultaneously, that’s a sure shot.

Pity sex: morally wrong?
I’ve never had it, but hypothetically I would. It would have to be somebody I knew really well; not just some Joe Schmoe who's down on his luck.

What is not an appropriate sound or statement to make at the moment of orgasm?
Anything that’s cliché. If someone ever said something like, “Who’s your daddy?” I’d pretty much jump out of bed, get dressed and leave. I don’t like when people say “I’m coming.” It sounds like bad porn. It’s nice when someone says your name or if they compliment you. It’s nice to hear “You’re so beautiful” or “You’re amazing.”

What's the biggest mistake a woman can make in bed?
Faking it too often. You’ve got to learn how to communicate with someone. Like I said, once in a while it’s okay. When I was younger, I made this mistake and it just ruins a relationship.

What's the biggest mistake a man can make in bed?
Not finishing the job. Guys who will make out, get you really worked up and then not finish the job piss me off. I’ve been in situations where I’ve had sex on my mind all day, and then, when I finally see the guy I’m dating and he’s too tired, it just drives me crazy.

How do you coax your friends into group sex?
Take them to a party. Parties are where all these situations should originate. Have a few drinks, get flirty, and then towards the end of the night, when everyone’s feeling good and having fun, just put it out there: “How about we all go back to my place?” Who can resist that?

When does dating become a serious relationship? And how do you bring that up in conversation?
When somebody’s calling you every day – that’s the first sign. When that starts happening, you have to have the talk. Because if you don’t, someone might hook up with someone else and it’ll mess everything up. So it’s always best to agree about what page you’re on.

Well than what’s the oddest thing you’ve ever asked someone to do?
I tried to get a guy to go down on me in the DJ booth while I was DJing. Well, I didn’t really ask – I sort of tried to just push him down there. I don’t think he really knew what I was getting at and then the moment was kind of over. It didn’t end up happening.

Female ejaculation: What the fuck?
I can actually do it. But it’s never happened with a guy. It’s too nerve-racking. It always feels like you’re going to pee, and I’m too afraid that I’m going to end up peeing all over them.

Matt, 29

What’s the best way to approach someone on the dance floor?
Dance around near them, just so they know you’re there. Then, over time, focus on them more and more until it’s obvious that you like them. Then, once you’re there, you just gotta dance all up in their booty.

Assuming all goes well, how do you make the transition from the dance floor to your apartment?
Buy them lots of drinks. It also helps if your apartment is nearby.

What can you say to ease the transition?
It could be anything. “I’ll make you some ice cream.” “Come see my turtle.”

I’ve cheated on the person I’m dating. I still care about them and it was a one-time indiscretion. Should I tell them?
No, definitely not. Well, I guess it depends. If your dishonesty will hurt the relationship more than your indiscretion, you should tell them. But in most cases, you’ll never live it down.

Should I tell my girlfriend about my wild sexual past?
I think you can allude to it, but it should always be on a sliding scale. The length of time you've been dating should be related to how much information you give up.

What if there’s a chance that they might hear about it from someone else first?
You’ll have to launch a pre-emptive strike, which is difficult. But if you know that one of her friends knows that you had a three-way anal extravaganza or something, then you’re going to have to get that on her radar. You don’t have to get specific; these things happen. Just say, “Oh man, back in the day I was a bit crazy sometimes. I’m a totally different person now.”

What qualifies as cheating: flirting, kissing, fooling around or full-on fucking?
Fooling around.

You are good friends with both members of a couple. You have no particular loyalty toward either one. You find out that one is cheating. Do you tell?
I wouldn’t say anything. It’s not my business.

What if you found out they were having unsafe sex?
Whoa, that’s pretty intimate knowledge of the situation. Are you sure it wasn't with me? Haha. If that was going on, I’d talk to the offending party. No one should have to hear that from anyone but the person they’re dating.

Under what circumstances should someone fake an orgasm?
I actually have faked it. Only once or twice when things were dragging out and I didn’t want the other party to know. I had gotten to a point where I wanted things to stop, but you can’t really just be like, “Okay, thanks! Well, that was fun, huh?” So I just acted like I'd gotten off. But you can’t overdo it. You can’t all be like, “UH! UH! UH! UNNNNNNNGHHHHHH! YEAH!” 'Cause then you’ll sound like some weird European male porn star. Those guys always overdo it.

What are some do's and don'ts for making an X-rated home movie?
Straight up: DON'T DIGITIZE IT. If you have it on your computer, it WILL end up getting out somehow. Leave it on tape unless you want everyone to see it.

In a long-term relationship, how can you keep sex interesting?
If things are cooling down, go somewhere nice and have yourselves some of the nice vacation sex.

What's a diplomatic way to ask your partner to improve their oral sex technique?
I don’t know. It’s kind of like dancing. Some people just can’t get the hang of it. They can take lessons, practice all the time, but they’ll always be a so-so dancer. I think it’s the same with oral sex. You can do your best to show them what you’d like, which can help. But you’re either born with it or you’re not.

What's the biggest mistake a woman can make in bed?
Being a dead fish. For me it’s all about responsiveness.

What's the biggest mistake a man can make in bed?
Not enough foreplay. You gotta make sure you give up lots of foreplay.

How do you coax your friends into group sex?
Start out by taking them to a place that’s really sexy. Somewhere suggestive. And make sure you have a comfortable place available and all set up nearby so if things do end up heating up, you’ve got somewhere to go.

What is the oddest thing you've been asked to do in bed? Did the way it was asked affect your performance?
In the middle of having sex, a girl asked me to throw her down a flight of stairs.

For real?
No, I totally made that up. Nobody’s ever really asked me to do anything that freaky, but I figured that just wasn’t a very fun answer.

Female ejaculation: What the fuck?
Totally exists, and I’ve seen it more than once in its full geyeresque glory. So fun! It’s pretty much the best thing in the world, I think. It’s like a present. And it’s seems like a pretty amazing experience for the girls. Well beyond anything us guys are capable of experiencing.

Geordon, 21

Have you ever used a DJ gig to seduce someone?
No.

Why bother DJing, then? Don’t tell me you’re in it for the music.
I’ve dedicated a set to someone. Does that count?

Let’s hear the track list.
Well, I’m actually seeing the person now, and I don’t want them to read this and know I did…

Out with it!
"Michael" by Franz Ferdinand. "Too Young" by Phoenix. Shit, I guess that pretty much gives it away.

What’s the best way to approach someone on the dance floor?
The best way is not to approach them. It’s all about dancing in close proximity, but not too close. You’ve got to shoot them a few nice, subtle glances. Try to lure them with your eyes.

Just your eyes, huh?
Well, maybe an occasional pelvic thrust in their direction.

Assuming all goes well, how do you make the transition from the dance floor to your apartment?
I never bring anyone back to my apartment. That's my No. 1 rule. I always go to their apartment. If it’s happening on the dance floor, I don’t think it ever needs to be directly said – you just know it’s the next step.

Do I, in fact, need to lick it before we kick it?
Yes, absolutely. You need to get it soft and wet so we can kick it.

I’ve cheated on the person I’m dating. I still care about them and it was a one-time indiscretion. Should I tell them?
Nope. Never. If it was unprotected sex, you should definitely tell them. But if it was a one-time deal and you were safe about it, just keep your mouth shut.

Should I tell my girlfriend about my colorful sexual past?
No, keep totally quiet about it.

What if they hear about it from someone else first?
It doesn’t matter. Categorically deny everything.

What qualifies as cheating: flirting, kissing, fooling around or full-on fucking?
Full-on fucking.

No elaboration on that?
Nope. No elaboration. No full-on fucking, no cheating. That’s it.

Under what circumstances should someone fake an orgasm?
In a one-night stand situation, I don’t think it’s worth it. But if you’re in a long term relationship, under all circumstances: fake it.

What are some do's and don'ts for making an X-rated home movie?
Do keep your face out of it. Don’t let the other person operate the camera. I think it’s also really important that you’re in an environment that you’re comfortable in, where you can be relaxed and feel like you’re in control of the situation.

In a long-term relationship, how can you keep sex interesting?
For me, it’s about finding things that aren’t overtly sexual. Things that have to do with sound and textures. For example, I was dating a painter, and if I was nearby when he was working, the sound of the brush on the canvas, running water, him washing his paintbrushes off, pouring the paint out would really put me in the mood. Watching someone you care about do something they’re passionate about – that’s a huge turn-on.

What's a diplomatic way to ask your partner to improve their oral sex technique?
If your partner needs to improve their oral sex technique, you shouldn’t be in the relationship. If someone gives bad head, I just can’t be with them. It’s a deal breaker.

What's a no-fail fellatio technique?
You really think I’m going to give away trade secrets?

Have you had pleasurable pity sex?
Yes, but I don’t want to get into the story. How about I sum it up in less than ten words?

Okay.
Christian rock. Virgin. Face down, ass up.

What is not an appropriate sound or statement to make at the moment of orgasm?
Any reference to "mother" or "father" weirds me out.

I'm worried that anal sex will be dirty. How can I cope?
It’s not. Dive right in.

What's the biggest mistake a man can make in bed?
Have dry skin! If someone touches me with scaly hands, that’s just wrong. Oh! And actual tongue penetration of the ear. I also hate when someone kisses anywhere above my lips. It’s weird when someone kisses you on the nose. Everything from the lips on down is fine. North of the lips is a no-no.

How do you coax your friends into group sex?
I’ve never had to coax. It's just happened.

When does dating become a serious relationship? And how do you bring that up in conversation?
I don’t think it’s something that should ever be brought up until a few weeks after you feel both people are mutually committed. Otherwise, you run the risk of ruining something that’s going well. But if I was dating someone and we hadn’t had “the talk” yet and they cheated on me, I don’t think us not having had “the talk” is an excuse. I’d immediately break up with them.

What is the oddest thing you've been asked to do in bed?
A girl asked if she could whip me. A guy asked if I’d wear a jockstrap and fulfill a locker room fantasy. A few people I’ve dated said they had a rape fantasy. They were never straightforward about asking me to do it. But I think that’s maybe what they were getting at.

I'm dating someone who’s not really comfortable with their sexuality. What advice do you have for me?
As soon as you see signs of this, confront them. Personally, I wouldn’t get into a relationship with someone that wasn’t totally comfortable with their sexuality. I don’t think anyone who’s uncomfortable with themselves sexually will be able to be in a relationship with someone who is comfortable. And if they’re not going to be as comfortable as you, you should probably break up with them right then and there.

I don’t think that’s fair. I know plenty of gay guys who are comfortable with their sexuality but might not necessarily be publicly open about it.
I’m not saying someone I’m dating has to announce it to the world. If one person has a certain comfort level with their sexuality, and the person they’re dating has a comfort level that’s vastly different, that’s not going to change anytime soon. The relationship probably isn’t going to last too long.

Anything else?
Yes. I’ve got some sex advice for the gay men of Manhattan. Never participate in anything west of Sixth Avenue (unless it’s the party I DJ on Seventh Ave) or in Williamsburg. That whole Chelsea and Williamsburg fag clique where everyone is fucking everyone else every single night. Avoid that. They all know each other. They all know who fucked whom. They all know how big each other’s cocks are. They all know who has what STD. It’s just really gross. Oh and avoid the Cock. Just to clarify, I mean avoid the bar called the Cock. Don’t avoid, you know, the cock.