the april roundup

april 2004

Holy fuck, at a whopping 120 photos, this is by far the beefiest monthly roundup entry yet. (120 photos. If I was able to manage a minute per caption - which I don't - this entry would have still taken two hours to write. Next time you're thinking about leaving a crybaby comment about how I should update more, think about that. Now go buy an ad.) Usually I split entries this big into two parts. But fuck it, I'm lazy and now everyone has broadband! Enjoy! Thursday, April 1st Man, wouldn't you have thought I would've run out of things to say about pictures of my friends singing at Sid & Buddy's karaoke by now? Um, I think I have which is why I'm writing this instead of saying something funny. Here's Carol, Marjorie and Buddy. Emily Scarlett-Kramer on the mic. A bonafide hot mamma and half the girl-force behind the now legendary CAKE parties. (On a side note, I get like 2-3 emails PER WEEK from dudes asking me how to get invited. Find a cute girl who's a member and have her invite you.) Superstar photographer Ellen Stagg throating out a Zepplin smackdown. Marjorie looks on as Buddy feeds Carol a mime's cock. I don't wan' no salty mime kisses! Say what you will but I still think you really can't go wrong by starting the month off with karoake that looks like this by the end of the night. Friday, April 2nd Friday night Grant and I met up with Siege and company at Bar13. Julie (in a fucking AMAZING Somewhere in Time Maiden shirt) and her friend. Grant and I got all excited by her shirt and started asking her what her favorite song was. We'd both confessed our favorites before we realized that she was being "metal ironic" and had no idea what the fuck we were talking about. Wasted years, indeed. But then we realized that we're living in the golden years and everything was coo-day-la. No-hair Grant and Katie. Monday, April 5th Monday night Fatty and I went over to Sarah D's apartment to celebrate... ...PASSOVER! Awww, yeah - lemme hear ya CHALLAH! Heheh. Here's Fatty cold propin' for yet another JDate photo. Manischeitz and matzoh makes the ladies crazy. We also managed to catch a few party-goes (who shall remain nameless) engaging in some very unorthodox Passover traditions... ...I don't remember THAT being in the Torah. Sarah, the lovely host of the party, managed to give me a smooch on my way out before... ...promply quasi-passing out on my shoulder. No more Manischewitz for you! On the walk home from Sarah's I saw Mandy's record displayed in the Tower Record store on Bway. Wednesday, April 7th On Wednesday afternoon, Leah, who I'd met while out in Texas for SXSW, emailed me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to be her plus one for the Death Cab for Cutie show at Irving Plaza. I teased her about how when I'd first met her she walked into a tree... ...and then she grabbed her boobs. SmellsGood Gina and Jonathan. Save this one, I'll spare you any boring band photos. After the show we ran into Vin on the street... ...and we all went over to HiFi for the band's afterparty (Leah used to live out in Seattle and knows the guys in the band) Nick (aka - the guy with the crazy Oompa Loompa hair in the band), Vin and Leah. Leah outed herself as a total slutty hussy when we spotted her toothbrush while she was digging through her purse! Hoo-ah! Monday, April 12th Monday night I met up with Sarah and we headed over to a new karaoke night (shhhh! Don't tell Sid & Buddy I'm cheating!) over at Crash Mansion (which is, hands down, the GIZZAYEST name for an establishment in the history of the world). Sarah don't come out to karaoke much, but when she does, she brings the pain. Me, Andy and Sarah. Is there anything better than six girls on stage singing a collaborative karaoke jam? I think I'm starting to notice a trend here. Friday, April 16th For those of you new to the site, for two months I took over running a small events company in NYC, that specializes in running scavenger hunts around town, called Watson Adventures (I left when it became apparent that our dreams of quickly doubling or tripling the size of the business weren't realistic). I helped them move the company out of the founder's apartment (where it had been based for years) and into a an office that we shared with Darryl Estrine (who's a really rad celebrity portrait photographer). This was my desk for three months. On Friday night I met up with Nina, Joey, Lo, Emma and Allison (Lo's lil' sister) in the Lower East Side... ...and we headed over to Luna Lounge to see the Fatty play bass with Fireworks Go Up. Emma and Nina. After the big show, we all headed over to Winnie's in Chinatown (Hey, remember when Lo had her bday party here?) and sang some seriously ghetto-ass karaoke. Wait just a goddamn minute. Did the peyote someone accidentally slipped in my dinner just kick in or is this suddenly a picture of Joey playing Pictionary with a three-foot midget that's leaning on a walking stick while hoisting a frosty Bud? Oh, you see the midget too? *Whew!* Right as I was getting ready to call it a night, Vin called me to inform me that he was in the neighborhood and convinced me to go out with him. I have absolutely no recollection of where Vin and I went (and I don't recognize the place in the background) but apparently it was somewhere where in ran into sexy-ass Karen Marsala. I'm usually pretty good about remembering everything that happened on a certain night - maybe I should stop waiting more than seven months before I try to caption these, eh? Saturday, April 17th On Friday night I took the train out to the Jerz to spend some time with my parents and visit with Papa Scott and his two rugrats. That's Abbey on the left. And this big guy's Liam. I was trying to show him that my phone was also a camera. Phone cam pic (capturing an absolutely amazing expression on Liam's face). After dinner we blew the kids' minds by showing them how to make S'mores. Scott insists that the marshmallow has to be on fire or it doesn't count. Then you squish it. And serve. There's no joke that can be made here that doesn't seriously put me in danger of having my ass royally whupped by a very large, bald man. (In fact, I'm not even sure if allowed to joke around about not being allowed to joke around) Sunday, April 18th You think your town's Jersey? Check out the Ramsey Outdoor store I pass on the drive through my hometown up to Scott's house. I went over to Scott's Grandma's house to help out with the kids while he did some yardwork for her. Kids are easy to get to behave if you have ice cream to bribe them with. Who needs a napkin? Monday, April 19th On Monday night I was walking home through the LES and remembered that Heavy Metal Karaoke was going on at Arlene's Grocery. I got there way to late to sing, but I watched a few people sing and ended up running into Matty - Tara's good friend who'd recently moved to NYC via Boston. We took this picture to send to Tara, but uh, I don't think I ever did. So hey Tara, check it out, I ran into Matty. And a bald guy! When I was leaving Arelene's, Rina (who'd I'd met at the Stellastarr show a few weeks back) randomly called me and asked what I was up to. It turned out we were a few blocks from each other so we met up. When I told her that I'd just been at karaoke, she was like "Let's go sing karaoke!" And so we left Arlene's and went over to the karoake at Crash Mansion (that name is so gay I clench my ass every time I say it). The lovely mohawked Daisy was the main chica promoting the gig and she made me look pimp by helping us cut the line and getting right on stage. Awww yeah, thanks mammacita! Rina rocking out. Me with no chin. Brian's one of the dudes that manages the place and beyond helping us to continue cutting the karaoke line, he also hooked us up with free drinks! Karaoke line cutting privileges? Free drinks? Rina was impressed. And we all know where that leads... ...yep, that's right. It leads right to public boobie cupping. No, you's the playa. Tuesday, April 20th On Tuesday I met up with kindred perv spirit David Kreitman for some mid-day pie at Lombardi's. Bar none the best fucking pizza in NYC. All you little Famous Ray's bitches can eat a bowl of dicks. Lombardi's owns your palsy asses. On the walk home through Soho this sign was taped to the brick wall surrounding the St. Patrick's Old Cathedral cemetary. How funny is it that some old priest dude at the church was smart enough to know that he could immediately dissuade any wanna be urbanite "grafiti artists" from tagging the church's wall by suggesting it's something that a person from Staten Island would do? Hahahah. You know in his original draft, the last line said "Bless Your Respect, Bee-eye-otch!" Sunday, April 25th On Sunday, Frank took Fatty, me and the Fatty's grandparents to see the Guarneri String Quartet play. It was amazing. Not wanting all that culture to take away my hard core street rep, I made sure to chase the concert with... ...a Gordita Supreme. I get extra gansta points for eating something that was purchased at a Taco Bell Express. Tuesday, April 27th A few of Emilie Elizabeth's work made it into the highly competitive Parson's senior show so on Tuesday night I went over to the Westside to check it out. (There's a naked chick in the one on the left! Naked I tell you!) Emilie and her totally hot MILF mom! Hoo-ah! (Emilie's also since left NYC to purse her photography in LA. So if you're a photographer in LA looking for someone talented to assist, get in touch with my girl!) On the walk home I stopped by some crazy-ass party Sarah D was promoting . It took place in some fancy jewelry store in Soho and was to exibit a bunch of Mikahil Baryshnikov's photographs. The photos were decent but were definitely eclipsed by the dudes walking around with trays of chocolate covered ice cream Bon Bons. Bon Bons, y'all. Patrick knows. Wednesday, April 28th Wednesday night I went to Piano's to see the Coastal Drag play. Their former bass player (who's the nicest guy and I hate that I can't remember his name) Mary and Vin. Thursday, April 29th On Thursday evening Fatty and I headed out to the Ikea in Jersey to pick up some fancy, expensive, high-quality Scandinavian furniture. Oh, and to eat some Ikea cafeteria Swedish meatballs. Ok, and a cinnabon. Hey, after fighting the crowds we needed nourishment. Fatty carrying the last of his Ikea booty to the car. Later that evening Amber and I went over to Remote Lounge and met up with Jamie Kirkpatrick for some Sid & Buddy karaoke. Amber makes one of her trademarked faces next to Marco. Buddy does his DeNiro next to Candy's cheeky bum. Ellen back on mic. Me and Carol. Amber and I gave each other lip-liner tattoos. Get a load of this one. After Candy volunteered to show her bum, I volunteered the display of her right boob. Not ever one to be outdone, Candy immediately upped the ante with some...(drumroll please) MOOSEKNUCKLE! Woooooo! And then this guy started getting naked. Once Ellen got wind of the shennanigans she quickly got "DubDees" in on the mix (check out Amber's "oh my god" face as she stares down the cavernous cleavage of Ellen's Grand Canyon) Oh no, she di'n't! Afterwards we went to Piano's where Amber totally won the "see who get a better photo with this guy" contest. Red gloves? Two sets of handcuffs? Bondage collar? There's so much going on here I don't even know where to start the joke. Friday, April 30th On Friday night Fatty and I went to Plaid to see Fatty's little brother's band play. Big Fatty the bass player poses with Little Fatty the bass player. I cuh-rush your head! Happy April everybody!  (added on 11.11.2004)

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