Friday morning Grant and I got up early and drove down to the ranch offices so Grant could interview Tom Wheeler, the head cowboy at the Circle W Ranch, for Grant's "Sex Advice from Cowboys" article. ˆ best ˆ cowboy ˆ

Here's another artsy photo I took to accompany Grant's article (that never ended up being used). ˆ best ˆ

Tom Mother-Effing Wheeler, yo. ˆ best ˆ cowboy ˆ horse ˆ

Those of you who know me know that I couldn't grow facial hair to save my life. Seriously, fifteen year olds with "dirtstaches" put me to shame. But after admiring Grant's crazy-ass cowboy beard, I decided that I wouldn't shave for six days and see what it looked like. And six days later...BLAMO! Check out my fucking beard!

What do you mean you can't see anything? Maybe you just need a closer look... ˆ me ˆ beard ˆ comedy facial hair ˆ

...see? Check out that moustache. I'm practically Tom Selleck all over again. ˆ me ˆ beard ˆ comedy facial hair ˆ

Grant's beard was pretty manly, but I think if I had another day or two I could've outdone him. ˆ grant ˆ beard ˆ comedy facial hair ˆ

After I'd finished documenting our facial hair, we headed back to the house, showered (and I shaved, thank god), packed up and hit the road to head back down to Los Angeles (to attend the surprise birthday party that Jordana had put together for him. Shhhh!). ˆ fatty ˆ grant ˆ me ˆ driving ˆ

Leaving the ranch. ˆ driving ˆ

I love how this pampered pig is reading a book. ˆ pig ˆ sign ˆ truck ˆ

Fatty crashed the fuck out on the ride. Hahah. ˆ fatty ˆ asleep ˆ driving ˆ sunglasses ˆ

We got to Ross & Jord's just in time to have a lovely Hanukah dinner with Ross' parents. ˆ fatty ˆ grant ˆ hanukah ˆ ross martin ˆ

Dash enjoying his dinner. ˆ dashiell ˆ

After food, Ross screened the most recent cut of Grant's TV pilot, "Granted." ˆ ross martin ˆ tv ˆ

And then it was time to open presents! Here's Ross showing off his Juicy Couture Hanukah sweats. Mazel Tov! ˆ hanukah ˆ ross martin ˆ couch ˆ gift ˆ

Susan and Harlan. ˆ hanukah ˆ gift ˆ

Ross and Jord. ˆ jordana ˆ ross martin ˆ

Here's Ross completely bewildered by the magic of his MAGIC WALLET. ˆ hanukah ˆ ross martin ˆ gift ˆ wallet ˆ

After Hannukah presents, we hopped back in Grant's (Satanic) rental car... ˆ rental car ˆ

...and headed to a nearby hotel we'd gotten for the night (with Ross' family in town, we didn't want to overcrowd their house). ˆ hotel ˆ

On Saturday, Grant had to go to VH1 and do voice-over work for his TV show, so Fatty and I decided to wander down Melrose. Check out what we saw in Starbucks: it's a shirtless guy, wearing overalls, a stoooopid Paddington bear hat, sunglasses INDOORS and holding a walking stick while he's SITTING DOWN AND PLAYING CHESS! Oh my god, I call this photo "EVERY SINGLE REASON I DON'T LIVE IN LOS ANGELES." ˆ los angeles ˆ strangers ˆ

Well, almost every single reason. Check out LA, working hard to further blur the line between gainful employment and prostitution. ˆ fatty ˆ sign ˆ sunglasses ˆ thumbs up ˆ

Fatty gets his "Jew on" in front of the largest menorahs either of us had ever seen. ˆ fatty ˆ hanukah ˆ

Saturday night we all snuckity snuck over to Frank Wyle's (Jordana's grandfather) house in Brentwood for Ross Martin's 30th Birthday Surprise Party! Here's Ross reaction when he walked into the house to find fifty people! ˆ dashiell ˆ ross martin ˆ birthday ˆ surprise ˆ

And then, fearing he didn't look "surprised enough" in the above photo, he posed for this "I'm REALLY surprised" photo. ˆ ross martin ˆ birthday ˆ surprise ˆ

Steve, Ross and Ameen. ˆ ross martin ˆ birthday ˆ

Seth and Ameen (aka - AMIR!).

Marianna with a sleepy Dash. ˆ dashiell ˆ sleepy ˆ

Jordana even went as far as to take all these great pictures of Ross as a young whipper snapper and have them blown up! Ross the Soccer Star. ˆ ross martin ˆ

Aw, yeah. Drum corp lemme hear you. (ps - nice hat). ˆ ross martin ˆ drums ˆ

Check that mug out - he's like Paul Fifer and Kevin Arnold rolled into one (while Grant's busy working hard to look like the fourth friggin Bee Gee). ˆ grant ˆ ross martin ˆ

After the surprise dinner, the whole group headed over to restaurant in LA for a second, larger party featuring all of Ross' friends and co-workers. Here's DJ Bearden Bickerstaff manning the laptop tunebox. ˆ grant ˆ dj ˆ laptop ˆ

Me and the Fatty all dressed up. ˆ fatty ˆ me ˆ dressed up ˆ

Here's Jord's cousin Steve up on stage wishing Ross a happy 30th birthday and welcoming a special guest to the party... ˆ birthday ˆ

...Britney Spears! ˆ britney spears ˆ

Ok, ok - not Britney Spears, but a really good Britney Spears lookalike. ˆ britney spears ˆ ross martin ˆ best ˆ birthday ˆ

Ross has a Philip Roth-esque crush on everyone's favorite pop shiksa, so Jord thought it would be funny to have Britney come perform a lil' birthday dance for the birthday man. ˆ britney spears ˆ ross martin ˆ birthday ˆ dance ˆ

Hahahaha. He looks like he's doing the "Happy Snoopy" dance. ˆ britney spears ˆ ross martin ˆ best ˆ birthday ˆ dance ˆ

Soooooo good. ˆ britney spears ˆ ross martin ˆ birthday ˆ dance ˆ

"You're a jew!" ˆ britney spears ˆ ross martin ˆ best ˆ birthday ˆ point ˆ

Jordana, Ross and Britney. ˆ britney spears ˆ jordana ˆ ross martin ˆ birthday ˆ

Hahaha. Ross telling wifey to beat it (*Bonus points to Jordana for pulling the "You're in trouble" face that eventually inspired Dashiell's infamous "Whatchoo talking 'bout, Willis?" look ˆ britney spears ˆ jordana ˆ ross martin ˆ best ˆ birthday ˆ

Here's Steve, Grant and myself posing for a pic (which was really just an excuse to try to cop a feel of the faux-Britney's vinyl-clad arse). ˆ britney spears ˆ grant ˆ me ˆ

Amy Bird, Steve and Jord. ˆ jordana ˆ

Then out of the blue, who should show up to the party? None other than our former Nerve co-worker (from way back in the day), Joey Cavella! How after leaving Nerve had moved back to his native LA. ˆ joey ˆ

Me and Grant dishing some double-lovin' to the lovely Jen Ehrman. ˆ grant ˆ me ˆ kiss ˆ

The Fatty and Joey. ˆ fatty ˆ joey ˆ

Grant and I with Harlan Martin! (Best picture ever). ˆ grant ˆ me ˆ excited ˆ

Me, Ross, Marianna and someone I don't know! (doh.) ˆ me ˆ ross martin ˆ

Joey and Paz Lenchantin (from Zwan, a perfect circle, Papa M, etc). So rad. ˆ joey ˆ paz ˆ

Dah-dah-disco. ˆ me ˆ paz ˆ

Hard-as-Nailz Crizzew. ˆ grant ˆ joey ˆ paz ˆ

Joey Cavella or Joey Camel? ˆ joey ˆ

Me, resurrecting my impression of Ricky Schroeder with Down's Syndrome, and Jen. ˆ me ˆ ugly face ˆ

DJ Grizznizzle wrapping up the party. ˆ grant ˆ laptop ˆ

We said goodbye to West Coast Joey and headed back to our hotel... ˆ grant ˆ joey ˆ

...and I woke up just in time to thwart Grant's attempt to put his balls near my face. ˆ me ˆ asleep ˆ

Sunday morning we had a little time to kill before heading to the airport, so we drove around LA. Look kids, Mann's Chinese Theater! ˆ los angeles ˆ

Then we stopped at In N Out for a little holiday burger treat. ˆ fatty ˆ food ˆ in-n-out-burger ˆ

Mmmm! Fatty likey! Hehehe. ˆ fatty ˆ food ˆ in-n-out-burger ˆ

Then Grant and I dropped the Fatty off. ˆ fatty ˆ airport ˆ backpack ˆ

Fare thee well Fatty! After seeing Dave off, Grant and I went to a bookstore and killed some time before we came back for him to drop me off (I was actually supposed to stay another two days, but being in 65 degree weather a few days before Christmas proved to be too much and I switched my flight so I could get home, do a little Christmas shopping and spend some time with my fam. ˆ fatty ˆ me ˆ

Here's Grant sending me off. Goodbye California! ˆ grant ˆ me ˆ big blue the jacket ˆ