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So the early Tuesday morning Grant
and I woke up (well, it was more like 10am, but after not getting
to bed until
7am the previous night, 10am sure
felt early), hopped in the car and drove into Rethymnon to go
back to the Buddha Cafe and see if Tymber would be there.
We got into town, parked the car and walked over to the closed
club. Minutes later, true to her word, Tymber showed up right
on time. We all headed back to the car, and decided, despite
the threatening clouds, to head to the beach and take a swim.
I dropped Tymber and Grant off at the beach across the street
from our resort and went to park the car. By the time I made
it back to the beach, it had began raining and I showed up just
in time to catch...
...Tymber and Grant running out of the water for shelter.
The three of us headed back to our condo to try to convince the
still-sleeping boys to head into town and getting some
food. Check out
the Fatty totally passed out from the previous night's exploits.
Beeeeeg guy on a leeeeetle couch!
On our walk through the condo's courtyard, Fatty spotted this
snail and asked me to take a "Look ladies! I love nature!"
photo for his now-formidable Jdate photo arsenal. What Fatty
didn't realize was that as he bent over to get in close to the
snail,
Grant had snuck up behind him and signaled to me to get ready
to take a second photo...
...of Grant giving Fatty one of the best "Wedgie Sneak Attacks"
ever captured on film. AWESOME. Less awesome is the fact that
I didn't manage to capture the clobbering swing he administered
to Grant's leg as he painfully reacted to the friction of a yard's-worth
of fabric being zipped through his ass crack.
We drove back into downtown Rethymnon, parked the car, and headed
back over to...
...Kostas Vallassos' restaurant for some lunch. If you look over
in the background to the left of Fatty you'll see the man himself!
Here's where I'd like to point out that Tymber was a bit of a
weirdo (just in case the bit where she "willingly made out
with Grant" in the previous entry didn't tip you off). She
talked a bunch about being a strict vegetarian, and then out
of the blue decided that
she was going to order fish for lunch. She then went on to explain
that she probably would eat fish more often, but the fish in
Crete was served with the heads left on and it "grossed her out."
So when Kostas came over to take our order, with the help of
Chris as a translator, she explained to him that she wanted fish
if it was possible to have it served without the head. Chris
relayed the request in his perfect Greek, and Kostas assured
her it wouldn't be problem. Twenty minutes later, the fish came
out sans head, just as Kostas had said. But unfortunately...
...Tymber had forgotten to request that he also remove the
tail and fins. Check out her face as she stares at its crispy
little arm waving helplessly in the air. Holy shit. We almost
died. Chris played the good samaritan and filleted the fish for
her while she averted her eyes.
Awww, who's better than Chris, huh?
Then, Grant fell off his chair. (Hahah. I actually think he was
kidding around and re-enacting something but I have no idea what
it was).
As we sat finishing our lunch and drinking a few cups of coffee
and relaxing, Grant walked Tymber back to our car so she could
get her bag out of it and bid her farewell. We met back up, did
a little bit of walking around the town...
...and then popped into some stores to buy some fun Cretan souvenirs
for our families.
Then back near the car, we goofed off and took some pictures
of us on the sea wall.
"Yep, you're right Brian. You totally do need to cut off your
silly, hippy hair."
If you look closely, you can just barely see Grant peeking out
between me and Fatty.
We drove back to our resort and loafed around relaxing. Grant
and I came back from reading outside on the porch to discover
that our dear, dear friend the Fatty had made the fatal mistake
of falling asleep with his headphones on. Uh-oh! We all know
what that means!
While Grant manned my camera, I promptly gave my nuts a super-close
tour of Fatty's face. After we were done laughing at the pictures,
I made the mistake of bragging to Grant that it was going to
be the funniest braining picture to ever be posted on this
site. Not one to EVER shy from competition of ANY type, Grant
insisted
I get
the
video
camera
out and document
his attempt to get his balls even closer to Fatty's
(poor, sleeping, unsuspecting) face than I had. At first I didn't
want to risk Grant trumping my achievement, but
then
I thought about how Fatty had helped scare Grant a few days prior
(if you haven't seen the scaring Grant vidoe series, go
there NOW) and realized that Grant deserved a chance to get Fatty back
on tape (well that and the fact that there was a good
chance that Fatty might wake up and break
Grant's
nuts
off
and if that happened, I wanted to make sure I
managed to get THAT on tape).
Here's Grant's first attempt. Not even close. And he was laughing
so hard that we was afraid he was going to wake Dave up.
After he got his laughter a bit under control, we went into the
kitchen to get a chair to stand on...
...which allowed him to lean in and totally win the "who can
get their nuts closest to Fatty's face" contest. Holy shit. Bravo,
Grant. Bravo.
Fatty Takes A
Nap.wmv (2:01 / 2.79MB)
The pics above are sorta funny - but they do not, in ANY WAY,
compare to the video. If you don't have Windows Media Player
installed, this is the REASON to install it. For seriously.
Scaring
Grant: Part Four.wmv (2:55 / 3.79MB)
And for all those people who are feeling sorry for poor Fatty,
here's the video of Fatty scaring the shit out of Grant a few
hours later in the now infamous "Double Cross" video.
After all the condo hijinx, we hopped into the car and drove
to the northwestern town of Hania for some dinner. After parking
the car, we walked over to the Venetian Harbor. Here's the eerily
lit Djamassi mosque built by when the
Turks after they invaded and toppled Venitian rule in 1645.
Our appetitizers were comprised of the usual suspects:
Greek salad, garlic bread, olives, beans and Amstels. Mmmmmm.
I think I mentioned this earlier, but in Crete cats are like
squirrels. They run around everywhere and people just feed them.
Halfway through our dinner, we had a couple of cute little kittens
cozy up to us looking for some food and some lovin'.
Here's the other lil' fellow.
Hahahaha. Check out Chris trying to feed him a potato bigger
than his head.
These were the tiniest, squintiest, little purring love bugs
ever. They were so fucking cute they're lucky we didn't smooosh
their goddamned heads.
Grant with our fave lil' guy.
Then he got passed over to the Fatty.
Hahahahah. Look at his feet.
Chris picking him up by his cute, lil' kitty head.
Seasoned veterans at this point in the trip, we even managed
to drink our raki without so much as a grimmace. Opa! Opa!
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