On the day before my birthday, my mom and dad came into New York City (from Jersey) and took Grant, Tara and myself out for a birthday dinner at Epicurie in the LES. ˆ dad ˆ me ˆ mom ˆ

At dinner, Grant manned the camera and managed to snap a pic of me opening my birthday card... ˆ dad ˆ me ˆ

...and one of me displaying my Jersey Shore Salt Water Birthday Taffy (and then my camera died - which is why there are no more pics from this night). ˆ me ˆ coy ˆ gift ˆ

On my actual bday, Grant, Michael and myself paid my good friend Dave a visit for a little birthday lunch treat. ˆ me ˆ sign ˆ

And on the way back to the office I ran into Jack (the Sign-Holder Formerly known as "Crazy Pomodoro Guy") who wished me a happy birthday! ˆ me ˆ pomodoro jack ˆ sign ˆ thumbs up ˆ

And to top all of that, after work Tara invited me over for homemade birthday cupcakes! Woooo! ˆ tara ˆ coy ˆ cupcakes ˆ

After cupcakes, Tara and I headed out to Williamsburg to meet up with Grant and the Fatty to see Fatty's former roommate's band play a show at North 7th. After the show, Tara gave Fatty a piggyback ride... ˆ fatty ˆ tara ˆ piggyback ˆ

...over to meet up with a bunch of my friends at Rosemary's Greenpoint Tavern. There's Marco in the foreground. ˆ marco ˆ rosemarys greenpoint tavern ˆ

Vin and Tara! ˆ me ˆ tara ˆ vin ˆ

The Fatty (looking like a zombie from out of "The Night of the Living Dead") me, Vin (making the bestest face ever) and GrizzleMyNizzle. ˆ fatty ˆ grant ˆ me ˆ vin ˆ

Tara getting crowned as the "Luckiest Girl in the Whole World." ˆ fatty ˆ grant ˆ tara ˆ kiss ˆ

Vin, me, and Vin's hat. ˆ me ˆ vin ˆ hat ˆ

Westsiiiiiiiiide, boy. ˆ grant ˆ tara ˆ gang signs ˆ

After I spotted this cute girl across the room, I staked out the area near the bathrooms...sure enough, she eventually had to pee and when she came out of the bathroom - I made my move... ˆ strangers ˆ

And informed her that as a BirthdayBoy it was my undeniable right to get a kiss. First off, I can't believe this worked. Secondly, she didn't even ask to see any proof! (It's been my birthday almost every night since. Awwww, yeah). ˆ me ˆ kiss ˆ strangers ˆ

Oh, I forgot to mention, shortly before we arrived at the bar, some huge guy in the Marines was kidding around outside and accidentally threw a hipster through the 8' x 4' plate-glass window. Man, oh, man - what I wouldn't have given to have seen it first hand. ˆ police ˆ shovel ˆ

So I'm stanind over at the bar, talking to Dave the Ladies Choice and all of sudden I see a very familiar figure cutting through the crowd like a hot knife, make that a hot chocolate knife, through a stick of butter... ˆ dave g ˆ coaster ˆ

That's right y'all, it's Frances. ˆ frances ˆ me ˆ

For those of you not in the know, Frances is the the sixty-seven year old bar-back at Rosemary's Tavern. ˆ frances ˆ me ˆ hug ˆ kiss ˆ

If you don't know her from when we danced dirty at my Goodbye Brooklyn party back in April of 2002, do yourself a favor and familiarize yourself with the background to this story right now. (Don't worry, it'll open a new window and when you're done you can just close it and you'll be right back here, kay?) ˆ frances ˆ me ˆ excited ˆ number one ˆ

Okay, all caught up? Good. So after dancing a bit with Frances and catching up... ˆ frances ˆ me ˆ tara ˆ

...she went back over to the bar to enjoy her drink (on Vin's lap, no less) ˆ frances ˆ vin ˆ grab ass ˆ thumbs up ˆ

We also randomly ran into this guy who recognized all of us from this site reading this site which was great! I love meeting total strangers. (Unfortunately, I forgot your name. So if you ever see this, email me!) ˆ grant ˆ strangers ˆ

So a few minutes later, I go back out on the dancefloor with Frances and the next thing you know we're dancing up a storm. We're all shakin' our bums and she's all holdin' my face... ˆ frances ˆ me ˆ

...and then the next thing I know, out of the blue, she's giving my bum the old double-handed grab. (I mean, check out her expression, she's making the "ooooooh" face and everything. Bonus points to Grant for catching this shit with the cam). ˆ frances ˆ me ˆ best ˆ man ass ˆ

Unfazed by all the grab-ass, I kept on dancing with her - and then, while she was dancing behind me a few minutes later, Fraces, a sixty-seven year old woman, a senior citizen for God's sake, full-on reached around and grabbed my junk. With both hands. I reported back to Grant who at first, didn't believe me. Conversation went something like this:

Me: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!
Grant: What?
Me: Frances just grabbed my dick!
Grant (confused): What do you mean?
Me: What do you mean 'What do I mean?' I mean, she GRABBED MY DICK!
Grant: No way.
Me: Yes way.
Grant: Really?
Me: Yes, I think she totally wants to make out with me!
Grant: She wouldn't make out with you! And you wouldn't make out with her!
Me: Sure I would, why not?
Grant (angered): NO FUCKING WAY! YOU WOULDN'T!
Me (confused): Um, yes I would.
Grant (exasperated): DUDE! She's an OLD LADY!
Me: So?
Grant: There's NO WAY in the world you'd make out with her! NO WAY!
Me: Well, I mean I'm not gonna take her out back and give her stinky pinky or anything, but I'd kiss her.
Grant: YOU WOULD NOT KISS HER! SHUT UP!
Me: Yes I would.
Grant: I'll bet you anything you won't kiss her.
Me: Okay, like what?
Grant: I bet you dinner at Peter Luger's Steakhouse!
Me: If I kiss her you'll buy me a full dinner at Peter Luger's?
Grant: Yes.
Me: All I have to do is kiss Frances?
Grant: With TONGUE!
Me: Done. Shake on it.

And with those words, and a handshake to seal the deal - I walked over to Frances and... ˆ me ˆ surprise ˆ