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SPECIAL
GUEST COMMENTARY BY GRANT STODDARD
(Beyond a byline, this is a disclaimer in case he's not funny. If he
is, then I wrote it.) Without further ado, here's Grant.
Yo Yo Yo! Wassup? G-Sto in the hizzouse! Okay, first off I wanna call
this entry The Four Horsemen of the Karaokopolipse. With the help of
four gallons of tepid P.B.R, Big Daddy, Fatty, B-Batch and me tore the
roof of the joint that night. Introducing.......
Myself,
O.G (Original Grantster) getting stuck in to the 'Maiden Klässik
"Run to the Hills" I wasn't reading off that lyric sheet,
Holmes; I was fanning off the front row as they swooned from my hot,
hot heat.
Granted the spray-on jeans played a part in hitting those higher registers.
One dude in the front row was so overcome by my re-voicing of 'Maidens'
tale of the subjugation of the indigenous North American tribes, he
actually reached out with a view to tweak my trouser schnauzer. Possibly
to check if I was for real.
Sign O' the Devil. "Scream for me New York...RUN-FOR-YOUR-LIVES!"
Proprietor and emcee "Owen the Brummie" gives madd props where
madd props is due with a double index finger hail. This was the exact
moment where the Arlene Grocery foundations were thoroughly shaken for
the first of four times on that fateful evening.
With the bar raised high. B-Batch speps to the mic to deliver Misfits
sing-along "Last Caress" We all know Brian can look
like Danzig and the boyz but can he sound like them?
Shit, man; His mama din't raise no dummy! Owen wisely steps backwards
to exit the stage to let Brian "Goldenballs" Battjer bask
in rökk gloree! Extra points for that nastee grimace. Noice!
"Oh sweet death, one last Carrrrressssssssss!" Bri selects
a biddy to mack on once he gets done rockin the LES.
This is the bit where 250 New Yorkers pay homage to a Neon sign...as
Owen deadpans (every week) "Neon.....it's a gas!"
The Arlene's Grocery Neon Sign is a sight to behold. It even causes
nipples to stand on end. (Digitally enlarged 6x for your viewing enjoyment).
Yo, we saw this byrdz nippz before Colin and he went on three dates
with her. Boo Yah!
NIPPLE!!!
Dancing With Myself. Unfortunately Colin was really singing from the
heart on this one.
Girl in front; "Who does this guy think he is? I'd never
let him see my boobs either."
The front row's attempts to push Big Daddy into a bucket and smuggle
his "fumbling-the-lyrics ass" out of the premises ended in
vain.
And lastly, was Fatty singing "Ever Fallen in Love" by The
Buzzcocks.
"I heard you guys like the ROKK!" said the fatty as he turned
up the voltage on his neck goiter.
Fatty takes time to demonstrate how he likes the ladies to handle his
"mic".
"Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in
love with?" Yes. See picture of girl's nipple, above.
Fatty couldn't resist getting of this last shot of Battjer rocking his
tangerine shouldered ski jacket sans irony. The fucking balls on this
kid. YOU GO GIRL!
THANK YOU GRANT!
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