matt weiner face contest march 26, 2002


Very few things in life are as funny as a Matt Weiner-made face. Matt and I have known each other since kindergarten. Our houses were back to back and our yards overlapped. I used to let him play with my space shuttle and he used to let me play in his treehouse. Our childhood friendship was abruptly truncated when after peeing in his clubhouse, he sought revenge by dropping a brick on my head (Yep, I've still got a big-ass scar from it).

Anyway, Matt ended up going to college with me, and now he lives in NYC just like me! Vin, Josh, Liza and myself were all out one night remeniscing about how fucking funny Matt is and more-so, how fucking funny the faces he makes are. I swear, everytime a camera comes out, Matt's got one ready. Here's some classics from the man himself, and then each of us giving our own interpretations of some of our beloved "Matt Weiner Faces."


Here's "Finger Up The Nose." A Matt classic (hailing all the way from '97, baby).



Here's a more contemporary look, "The Double-Chin Smile (With Thumbs Up)." Priceless.


And let's not forget the infamous "Angry Chinaman with Flipped Eyelids." (Yo, straight up, I taught him how to do that standing on my driveway in like '81. Can you believe that shit?).

 



Okay, now on with the Competition.

 

3rd Runner Up: Vinay

Let's face it, this face straight up sucks. I don't even know if Vin knew that we were having a contest: it looks to me like he just got caught on film trying to stiffle a fart.
2 out of 10.

2nd Runner Up: Liza

Now that's more like it! Liza brings a pretty good "Disappearing Chin" effect to the table that's very evocative of the Weiner, but she needs to work on making it a little more ugly.
7 out of 10.

Runner Up: Me

Yo, not to toot my own horn or anything, but you gotsta to admit: that's one ugly motherfucking face. Not only have I managed to make my chin completely disappear, I get style points for the gross way my neck has like eight rows of skin bunching up (Ew!).
8 out of 10.

 

The Undisputed Champ: Josh

Holy Sweet Mother of God. There's no caption that can be written that can make this picture any funnier. So I'm just going to shut up and give Josh the score he deserves.
11 out of 10.
   

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