idiots in an elevator

may 16, 2002

Grant and myself had just gotten out of seeing a movie at The Angelica, and before heading out for the night, we decided, since we were only a few blocks away, that we'd pop into our offices, take a quick piss, drop off our jackets, then we'd hit the town. We got into the elevator at 520 Broadway a few minutes shy of midnight. The elevator made it up to the fifth floor, then suddenly lurched to a stop, and then paused for a second before freefalling six or seven feet scaring the living FUCK out of us. The elevator paused again, dropped 3 or 4 more feet, and then stayed stuck in between the 3rd and 4th floors. Here's the first pic I snapped while Grant was still in what i believe is scientifically known as a full-on panic. After coming to the realization that we weren't going to die we decided we should probably start working on getting out the elevator. We pushed the "HELP" button and were promptly connected to repair company that maintains our elevator. The man we spoke to told us that he'd dispatched a mechanic and that he'd be there in 45-60 minutes. (45 minutes! Faaack! Keep in mind, we'd gotten in the elevator to go up to work because we both had to pee!). Further complicating matters, our building's front door is locked so the dispatch guy tells us we're going to have to get in touch with someone who can come down and let the elevator repair guy into our building. Turns out, Grant had to do a little more than pee. He's all sitting in the corner scrunched up and I figure he's getting panicky again. Nope! Turns out he was concentrating on not shitting his pants. | Too bad he couldn't have concentrated more on holding on to his noxious farts which promptly reached biohazardous levels in the 4' x 6' elevator. Growing bored (and desperately needing some fresh air), I forced open the elevator doors to assess the situation. Yep, we're stuck. There's some fancy-schmancy couple who lives in our building - Grant tried to get their attention by screaming "HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLP!" at the top of his lungs. Then I decided I'd climb up and find the "secret roof hatch" that every elevator in every movie always has. Yeah, our elevator didn't have one. After Grant got a look at the pics he took of me looking for the hatch he said "Hey, you look cool up there! Now take some pictures of me! I want to climb up there and look cool too!" (Yeah, too bad you think I'm kidding). What could I do but humor the kid.... ....or at least let him humor himself. Jesus. Here's us in the stairwell with Joey Cavella after being let out by the elevator repair guy. (When we called Joey to tell him we were stuck in the elevator, he was out partying and was a little drunk and thought we were fucking with him. He was all like "Yeah, so you want me to come down to the office and open the door because you're stuck? Yeah right!", then hung up! It took us three calls to convince him that we weren't kidding). After getting out we headed down to sub-mercer to say hi to my friend Peter who was spinning. Joey ended up buying a drink (which at sub-mercer is like $12). So after we leave the club, he all pulls these two glasses out from under his shirt. When we asked him why he took them, he dropped science explaining "If I'm going to pay that much for a drink, I'm going to keep the glass.....er, plus some other glass too."

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