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Five people in our office
all have birthdays within the same week, so in order to honor the birthdays
of Deb, Martin, Jock, Stephan and himself, Brian Chambers threw a big
old shindig in his phatty Chinatown pad (and like usual, some funky-ass
shit ended up going down).
Group shot of people that, for the most part, I can't name.
Grant, Joey and Nina. Hmmm, I wonder why Grant looks so shocked?
(In the literary world, that there is called foreshadowing!)
Sonya and April.
Nina and me.
The lighting of the birthday cake and cupcakes.
Birthday Peoples Stephan, Martin and Deb
Brian C. (Jock had already left the party before I even got there!)
So I'm all talking to Grant and he's acting all ansty and itchy,
but I'm just chalking it up to the fact that he's had 3 beers and that
he's fucking wasted (this kid's a cheap date). Suddenly, unprompted,
he confides in me (and at the same time unknowingly confides in the
entire world wide net) that the reason that he's so antsy and itchy
is because...
...he shaved off all of his pubes! Uggghh! If you look carefully
you can see his bald, little cock-stem peeking out of the top of his
pants. It looks like a Goddamned turkey's neck!
So I go over to use the bathroom and there's this big, 15-person-deep,
line of annoyed people waiting to use the bathroom. Possessing the patience
of a 7 year-old on crack, I immediately went up front to see what in
the sam hell the hold up was all about.
In the bathroom I found birthday boy Brian Chambers decked out in
rubber gloves **cleaning up shit off of his bathroom floor!** Can
you fucking believe it? Someone, an actual human person, pooped on the
floor in the middle of a big, well-attended party. If you look in the
dictionary you'll see that as soon as an act of bathroom floor poopery
is committed, a party (pronounced PAR-tee)
officially becomes a par-TAY!
(If you or anyone that you know has information regarding the identity
of the perpertraitor of this heinous crime, please come
forward and help us identify him or her.)
Hey, bitching Camaro.
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